Marrying for Love

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Love is an action. I recently attended a Christian young adult services that mentioned the characteristics to look for in a good partner and how to have a Christ centered relationship.
Is wanting a passionate marriage only for fiction?
I would love to marry a doctor for financial security but I could not deal with him always working even if it was to improve the lives of others.
My parents are immigrants so they had an arranged marriage. So you can grow to love your spouse.
I don’t know what I want honestly. I want passion
 
You often speak about what you want.

I think you need to focus on what you can bring to the table in a relationship. Are you the best version of yourself? If not, you need to work on that if you expect to find a quality spouse. Do not look for a doctor or any other professional because you think it will bring you financial security. There are plenty of people out there with secure jobs, and that makes you sound like you are all about the money.

The passion that you seek comes with finding the right person. Finding the right person comes from thorough examination of yourself, and being honest with others. “Get right with God” and you will be better able to search for what you are looking for.
 
How do you define passion? Is it just a physical sensation? Delightful, granted, but if you consider the wider definition of passion, it will serve you better. A passion for truth, a passion for justice, a passion for your relationship with your God, a passion for seeing the good in others and trying to bring that out, a passion for giving the best of yourself in all your important relationship. I am a very passionate person myself, but my passion is for all the important things in my life. And if your desire is for a physical passion for and with another, remember, that is a very good thing. Don’t let others tell you that it really isn’t important. It is. A happy, passionate woman just might be the most desired qualities a man of strength seeks.
Good luck.
 
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I want to feel passionately in love with my partner. You know that giddy feeling when you have a crush. Before anyone kills my fantasy, I want to feel that way sometimes. The awkward shyness. It’s endearing
 
Yes, Joy, but that giddy, endearing feeling is called infatuation or maybe affection, hopefully with that physical rush, or maybe better, need to find completion in another. But infatuation or affection is fleeting, it is only going to be a constant in a relationship if you find a deeper and more fundamental basis for you love rooted in your, and his, character. And for that to be operative in a relationship, you need to know and understand your own values and character foundations. Build those first, then find someone who matches them and you have a much better chance of finding what you want.
 
Joy, you can be infatuated with everyone you don’t marry. You can feel genuine affection and infatuation for any and all the men you meet along the way. But affection and infatuation don’t equal intimacy. That intimacy between man and woman, as the Church defines it, is reserved for those entering the sacrament of Matrimony.

Is it difficult for refrain from that intimacy in the dating/selection process of finding the love you want? Da*# right it is. Thinkof it this way. A strong and healthy man is going to treasure you for many things. But if he is strong and healthy he realizes that those things such as kindness, sense of humor, intelligence, empathy, compassion, and even love are not mutually exclusive. You will laugh with others, love others, share your intelligence, empathy, compassion, and so much more of yourself with others. Those things do not belong to a healthy man. The man who demands it is probably a sociopath; I’d suggest you run. The only thing you can offer to that person on a mutually exclusive basis, is yourself, physically. That is the humanist argument for chastity. The moral argument, well it’s been said many times on these threads.
Shalom.
 
Are you suggesting a man who wants to me to solely focus on him is a sociopath?
 
Jump4Joy said:
Are you suggesting a man who wants to me to solely focus on him is a sociopath?
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The structure of your sentence is confusing.What I meant by the sociopath reference is this. A good, strong, happy man who knows who he is and what he believes, will look for and cherish that in a life partner. A man who is constantly jealous, controlling, manipulative, domineering, and “wants you all to himself” is probably a sociopath. That’s the kind of guy that in the end, often ends up, if not physically, at least emotionally abusive. That’s the kind of guy I suggest you run away from.
The man who wants you to solely focus on him may be so in love with you that he wants you all to himself. This can be a good thing. But often, a man who wants that is a. looking for a mother figure which is never healthy in a permanent relationship, or b. has not defined himself as to his character, values, wants, and needs and is looking for you to do it for him. He is a suitcase full of parts that he wants you to put together. And if he doesn’t turn out as he hopes, if the relationship doesn’t turn out as he wants, guess who is going to get the blame. That man who wants your sole focus may be endearing and very romantic, but he might also be a horror show just waiting for you to pay the admission price.
 
I totally need to work on my sentence wording. How do you know so much?
 
Jump4Joy said:
I totally need to work on my sentence wording. How do you know so much?
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Joy, I get the feeling that you are a lot younger than I am. In that fact is your answer. I guess you could say I have done it all. I’ve had a lot of experience with women, a lot of relationships, intimate and just friends, and watched a lot of other people make the mistakes that I made. It’s called experience, it is life’s great teacher.
When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I had it all. A great bachelor pad, a Porsche, country club membership, the works. Dated a lot of women, slept with a lot of them too. I experience a lot of pleasure … but I never knew joy. Pleasure is fleeting, joy is something deep down inside that stays with you. And looking back on those times, I realize now how superficial and superfluous they were. Chasing the wrong things.
Leave you with one thought. Show me the woman a man sleeps with, and I’ll tell you his total evaluation of himself. That intimacy forces us to stand, not only naked in body, but also in spirit, and accept the values and strengths (or weaknesses) of the other as our own. Good, strong, loving men who will be with you through thick and thin, who will feel for you the passion you want to feel for them, have a character built on solid, Judeo-Christian principles of integrity, honesty, warmth, productiveness, creativity, respect and love, and know that sex is the celebration of love, not the reason for it. Build these principles into your own heart and soul, and you’ll find the passion you are looking for.
 
Im still in my 20s. A man’s choice in women illustrates his self esteem? What’s with men who sleep a certain type of woman but will not date them? Is she not good enough for him?
 
Well, his self esteem is a function of his fundamental values. Men who sleep with a woman whom he will not date, illustrates that he has no set or firm values when it comes to the women in his life. The mistake he makes is his belief that he can attach no value to his sexuality in one instance, and then when he meets the strong, quality woman he seeks, he can stop on a dime and become a man of emotional strength and moral value. A man becomes what he does.
As to the woman in question. The Catholic Church teaches that a body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. A woman (and man) are sacred in the sight of God. Remember, made in the image and likeness of God. Many women (not enough) treat themselves this way. Then there are those who treat themselves as an amusement park. Couple of drinks, movie and cocktails, dinner and dancing, and that’s the admission to the park. Please have more respect for yourself than that.
 
Well, first they are not. At least not in the eyes of God or the Church.

In the eyes of men. Probably because they have no belief in themselves and their own worth. So, they are easy, there is nothing to celebrate by hooking up with an “easy” woman. A man walks away with no feeling of joy, a vague feeling of pleasure, and understands that he has “accomplished” nothing by “conquering” an easy woman. He has simply masturbated, and simply used someone body to do it in.
 
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