Marrying outside the Catholic church

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Fred92

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I read in the forum “Ask an Apologist” that marrying outside the Catholic church is considered a sin, even if you marry a Christian, because the marriage is not valid in the Catholic church’s eyes and so the couple’s sexual relationships are seen as extramarital ones. When I read things like that, it makes me question myself about my faith. Is God that severe that he doesn’t allow us to marry the person we love, even if he/she is not a Catholic? I understand that it may causes problems, particularly when we think about the children a mixed couple might have (what will be THEIR religion?) However, I wouldn’t see a mixed marriage as a sin! For me, a sin is something bigger…

Help me understand!
 
I read in the forum “Ask an Apologist” that marrying outside the Catholic church is considered a sin, even if you marry a Christian, because the marriage is not valid in the Catholic church’s eyes and so the couple’s sexual relationships are seen as extramarital ones. When I read things like that, it makes me question myself about my faith. Is God that severe that he doesn’t allow us to marry the person we love, even if he/she is not a Catholic?
You are incorrectly making assumptions.

Catholics may validly marry non-Catholics, whether baptized or unbaptized. To do so requires that the Catholic follow canon law procedures regarding permission for a mixed marriage (or dispensation from disparity of cult if the intended spouse is unbaptized). Catholics must marry in the Catholic form, but when a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic the Catholic can be dispensed from Catholic form. A Catholic would only be denied permission to marry a non-Catholic or non-Christian when the Catholic’s faith would be in danger.

When a Catholic marries another Catholic or a non-Catholic outside of Catholic form and without the proper permission or dispensation, then the Catholic is in an irregular marriage and is indeed in a state of sin for disobeying the Church and for sexual intercourse while not validly married.

Marriage is not a private affair, just between the two persons. It is a public witness to Christ (Ephesians 5) and an image of Christ and the Church. Therefore, marriage in general, and marriage of Catholics specifically, is very much under the authority of the Church.
I understand that it may causes problems, particularly when we think about the children a mixed couple might have (what will be THEIR religion?)
Yes, exactly.
However, I wouldn’t see a mixed marriage as a sin!
Disobeying the authority put over us by Christ is always a serious sin.
For me, a sin is something bigger…
I think you have some misconceptions about sin. First, sin isn’t just a sin if you think it is. The truth is knowable via reason and via revelation. Christ set the Church in authority to teach and preach the truth. We can know with certain what is right and what is wrong.

Sin is offense against God. And, entering into an invalid marriage is definitely a wrong act. If they did this with full knowledge and free will, then it is also a sin.
Help me understand!
I hope that you now see you were laboring under some misconceptions.
 
I read in the forum “Ask an Apologist” that marrying outside the Catholic church is considered a sin, even if you marry a Christian, because the marriage is not valid in the Catholic church’s eyes and so the couple’s sexual relationships are seen as extramarital ones. When I read things like that, it makes me question myself about my faith. Is God that severe that he doesn’t allow us to marry the person we love, even if he/she is not a Catholic? I understand that it may causes problems, particularly when we think about the children a mixed couple might have (what will be THEIR religion?) However, I wouldn’t see a mixed marriage as a sin! For me, a sin is something bigger…

Help me understand!
You definitely misread what was being written (do you have the link?) because the Church allows mixed marriages. I wasn’t Catholic when I married my husband and we were married in the Church. However, you the marriage must take place in the Church, or have it blessed. I would guess that that’s where the misunderstanding took place…

example-
when my sister (not Catholic) married my brother in law (Catholic), they went to a justice of the peace. His family does not consider the marriage to be valid. If they’d gone to a priest it would have been (and that has to do with the steps in which they were “married,” not the fact that she wasn’t Catholic).
 
“Your parents are absolutely correct on this. For a Catholic to marry outside of the Catholic Church is a sin and the Church does not consider such a marriage to be valid. Further, since the marriage is not considered to be valid, marital relations are considered to be gravely sinful.”

I’m guessing this was the part of the post you misunderstood. He doesn’t mean that the young man can’t marry someone that isn’t Catholic. He means that he must marry that person in the Catholic Church for the marriage to be considered valid (because marriage is a sacrament). If a Catholic marries a non Catholic in a Catholic wedding, the marriage is valid. If a Catholic marries anyone, even another Catholic, in a ceremony outside the Church, the wedding is not considered valid until it is blessed. I hope that helps answer your question and addresses the problem that you had with the teaching. The main point is that because it is a sacrament, which confers grace, it needs to be done in the Church, by someone with the power to perform the service.

I really hope my explanation helps. I was Baptist when I married my Catholic husband and it was considered valid.
 
If you let a religion supposedly based on love stop you from fulfilling your love for another through marriage, that’s your call.
 
If you let a religion supposedly based on love stop you from fulfilling your love for another through marriage, that’s your call.
And if you aren’t prepared to give up EVERY earthly love in obedience to God, the supreme love, just as Abraham was prepared to sacrifice Isaac and Mary DID give her only son - then, as Jesus said, you have “turned back once having put your hand to the plough”, and are unfit to enter the kingdom of Heaven.
 
**Matthew 5:30-37,
“He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad. Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men. And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come. Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

John 4:1-42,
“When therefore the Lord knew how the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John, (Though Jesus himself baptized not, but his disciples,)
He left Judaea, and departed again into Galilee. And he must needs go through Samaria.
Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour. There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink. (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.) Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans. Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.
The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water? Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle? Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.
Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things. Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he. And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her? The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ? Then they went out of the city, and came unto him. In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat. But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of. Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him ought to eat? Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work. Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest. And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together. And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and another reapeth. I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours. And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did. So when the Samaritans were come unto him, they besought him that he would tarry with them: and he abode there two days. And many more believed because of his own word; And said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world.”

Matthew 19:3-12,
“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”**
 
And if you aren’t prepared to give up EVERY earthly love in obedience to God, the supreme love, just as Abraham was prepared to sacrifice Isaac and Mary DID give her only son - then, as Jesus said, you have “turned back once having put your hand to the plough”, and are unfit to enter the kingdom of Heaven.
As I recall, Abraham kept his son and Marry got Jesus back a few days later.
 
As I recall, Abraham kept his son and Marry got Jesus back a few days later.
Nonetheless they were both WILLING to give them up forever. Neither knew that God would intervene as He did, so both assumed it WOULD be forever, and both had the total detachment from earthly loves that I spoke of.

Abraham was rewarded precisely BECAUSE his love for God was so great that he was willing to sacrifice all other earthly loves to it. That’s the sort of detachment Jesus was requiring of us when He told us to ‘hate’ mother and father for His sake.
 
Nonetheless they were both WILLING to give them up forever. Neither knew that God would intervene as He did, so both assumed it WOULD be forever, and both had the total detachment from earthly loves that I spoke of.

Abraham was rewarded precisely BECAUSE his love for God was so great that he was willing to sacrifice all other earthly loves to it.
Doing something because God calls down from the sky is one thing- the CCC is quite another. This discussion is rather pointless, since it’s been uncovered that it is in fact not a sin.
 
Doing something because God calls down from the sky is one thing- the CCC is quite another. This discussion is rather pointless, since it’s been uncovered that it is in fact not a sin.
God called down to Mary from the sky to accept rather than opposing Jesus’ crucifixion? Which bit of the Gospels is that in?

It is a sin for a Catholic to marry in a non-Catholic ceremony, AND it is a sin to marry anyone who is divorced without an annulment or the decease of the former spouse. We haven’t ‘uncovered that it is in fact not a sin’. Depending on the situation, it could well still be.
 
“Your parents are absolutely correct on this. For a Catholic to marry outside of the Catholic Church is a sin and the Church does not consider such a marriage to be valid. Further, since the marriage is not considered to be valid, marital relations are considered to be gravely sinful.”

I’m guessing this was the part of the post you misunderstood. He doesn’t mean that the young man can’t marry someone that isn’t Catholic. He means that he must marry that person in the Catholic Church for the marriage to be considered valid (because marriage is a sacrament). If a Catholic marries a non Catholic in a Catholic wedding, the marriage is valid. If a Catholic marries anyone, even another Catholic, in a ceremony outside the Church, the wedding is not considered valid until it is blessed. I hope that helps answer your question and addresses the problem that you had with the teaching. The main point is that because it is a sacrament, which confers grace, it needs to be done in the Church, by someone with the power to perform the service.

I really hope my explanation helps. I was Baptist when I married my Catholic husband and it was considered valid.
Thank you, I understand better now! 🙂
 
I’m guessing this was the part of the post you misunderstood. He doesn’t mean that the young man can’t marry someone that isn’t Catholic. He means that he must marry that person in the Catholic Church for the marriage to be considered valid (because marriage is a sacrament). If a Catholic marries a non Catholic in a Catholic wedding, the marriage is valid. .
Bit of an addition here… A Catholic may marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic service IF the Bishop gives permission called a “dispensation from form”.
If a Catholic marries anyone, even another Catholic, in a ceremony outside the Church, the wedding is not considered valid until it is blessed. .
Again not quite correct. If a Catholic marries outside the Church with no dispensation the marriage is invalid. The couple may repent and get married in the Church, that ceremony is called a “Convalidation”. The Church cannot bless sin 🙂
 
Bit of an addition here… A Catholic may marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic service IF the Bishop gives permission called a “dispensation from form”.
I did not know that! Thank you! I was hoping I hadn’t missed anything when I was trying to explain it and hoping that if I did someone would fill in the missing pieces! 🙂
 
It is a sin for a Catholic to marry in a non-Catholic ceremony, AND it is a sin to marry anyone who is divorced without an annulment or the decease of the former spouse.
Maybe. Maybe not. Catholics could not make either conclusion without more information about the specific situation.
 
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