Mass attendance- kind of a pathetic question

[TheRealJuliane]

I did it- praise God ! My parents will be giving me a ride to the evening Mass tomorrow.

My dad -not sure if he just wasn’t paying attention or pretending not to hear but he didn’t say anything. And my mom kind of expressed interest in going with me!

Just a few weeks ago they were upset with me for going to church socials at school, so this is a huge change. Please pray that they don’t change their minds from now till tomorrow evening

Woot woot woot!!!

:dancing::extrahappy:

SOOO happy for you!!! Enjoy the 4th Sunday in Advent!!!

 

[snowflakeinlove]

Thanks everyone!
My parents were hesitant all day- kept asking “are you sure?” and “why” but they ended up taking me anyways and didn’t seem upset at all.
They did sound kind of wary when I told them I was planning on going on Christmas and every Sunday and on New Year’s though. “Isn’t today enough? Why do you have to go EVERY week? Or two days in a row? Don’t the same things happen every time, what do you find so interesting”
I’m not sure how to explain this to them and get them to understand that Mass isn’t just something optional. Any advice?

Oh, hurray! Guess I replied too late.

Not too late, I’m going to have to do this for the next few weeks thank you for replying.

SOOO happy for you!!! Enjoy the 4th Sunday in Advent!!!

Thank you, you too!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks everyone!
My parents were hesitant all day- kept asking “are you sure?” and “why” but they ended up taking me anyways and didn’t seem upset at all.
They did sound kind of wary when I told them I was planning on going on Christmas and every Sunday and on New Year’s though. “Isn’t today enough? Why do you have to go EVERY week? Or two days in a row? Don’t the same things happen every time, what do you find so interesting”
I’m not sure how to explain this to them and get them to understand that Mass isn’t just something optional. Any advice?

Not too late, I’m going to have to do this for the next few weeks thank you for replying.

Thank you, you too!

Get a copy of “Catholicism for Dummies.” (That is, unless they are insulted by the “Dummies” implication!)

Catholicism for Dummies

I hear it’s a very good introduction to our faith.

I’m so GLAD that you asked, and they complied!!!



Be sure to THANK THEM!!!

 

[snowflakeinlove]

Get a copy of “Catholicism for Dummies.” (That is, unless they are insulted by the “Dummies” implication!)

Catholicism for Dummies

I hear it’s a very good introduction to our faith.

I’m so GLAD that you asked, and they complied!!!



Be sure to THANK THEM!!!

Thanks so much! I’m not sure if they’d be interested in reading the book, but it’d probably help me explain things to them when they ask!
My parents really didn’t want me going to Christmas Mass, but they gave me a ride because they had to go somewhere and weren’t upset anymore afterwards – they asked me questions about it and seemed curious

Merry Christmas!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks so much! I’m not sure if they’d be interested in reading the book, but it’d probably help me explain things to them when they ask!
My parents really didn’t want me going to Christmas Mass, but they gave me a ride because they had to go somewhere and weren’t upset anymore afterwards – they asked me questions about it and seemed curious

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you!

 

[snowflakeinlove]

I have another question/dilemma.

My parents just told me we’re going snowshoeing/tubing& tobogganing at a resort tomorrow. We leave in the morning and we’re not getting back home till night, since we’re getting a full day pass.

It’s 5:15 so I won’t be able to make it to any Saturday vigil masses. I checked all the churches in my area and the earliest Mass tomorrow is a 8:30 Mass, but my parents want to leave before 8. And there are no evening masses in any of the churches near my house either.
What should I do? They haven’t gotten the tickets yet, but I can’t imagine they’d want to give up this trip just because I need to go to Sunday Mass! Even the idea would offend them. And they’re booking this trip because they know I love snowshoeing and tobogganing and all that- they’re doing it for me and my siblings.
At the same time, I have to go to Mass, and I need to let them know I take going to Mass seriously and it’s not something that can be skipped when I don’t feel like it/have “better” things to do- they still think I’m going through some kind of weird phase.

I don’t know what to do

 

[ahollars]

I have another question/dilemma.

My parents just told me we’re going snowshoeing/tubing& tobogganing at a resort tomorrow. We leave in the morning and we’re not getting back home till night, since we’re getting a full day pass.

It’s 5:15 so I won’t be able to make it to any Saturday vigil masses. I checked all the churches in my area and the earliest Mass tomorrow is a 8:30 Mass, but my parents want to leave before 8. And there are no evening masses in any of the churches near my house either.
What should I do? They haven’t gotten the tickets yet, but I can’t imagine they’d want to give up this trip just because I need to go to Sunday Mass! Even the idea would offend them. And they’re booking this trip because they know I love snowshoeing and tobogganing and all that- they’re doing it for me and my siblings.
At the same time, I have to go to Mass, and I need to let them know I take going to Mass seriously and it’s not something that can be skipped when I don’t feel like it/have “better” things to do- they still think I’m going through some kind of weird phase.

I don’t know what to do

…Oh, come on! Yes, you do know what to do!!!

Tell them you are going to Mass, and that you know they are doing this to you on purpose! If you are more afraid of offending your parents than you are of offending God, then no, you are not an adult, but that will not absolve you of your moral responsibility. Sorry for being blunt, but you should have learned that when you were confirmed.

Stand your ground. They obviously don’t care if they offend you.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

…Oh, come on! Yes, you do know what to do!!!

Tell them you are going to Mass, and that you know they are doing this to you on purpose! If you are more afraid of offending your parents than you are of offending God, then no, you are not an adult, but that will not absolve you of your moral responsibility. Sorry for being blunt, but you should have learned that when you were confirmed.

Stand your ground. They obviously don’t care if they offend you.

Of course I will tell them But I don’t know how to word it in a way that isn’t going to cause a huge family argument. I know that we shouldn’t be more afraid of offending our parents than God, but I’d rather they not hate the Church more because of me. They’ve already mentioned to many times how they didn’t like the Church because so many Christians are hypocrites and unkind and inconsiderate. They will see my actions as inconsiderate. I don’t think they are doing it on purpose, they just don’t understand.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

Ok so it turns out that our family friends wanted to go next weekend instead, so my Sunday is free.
However, when I told my parents I was going to Mass today, they got really upset. They asked me if why I was so insistent on going and if I thought it was a sin to miss just one week- and went on about how they wouldn’t want to worship a God who sent people to hell for skipping church. Then they asked me if I thought they were going to hell because they never went, and then said I was going overboard and how I’ve changed so much and they didn’t like it.

I didn’t know how to reply… I told them I really wanted to go and that I was going this evening, and they kind of angrily walked away.

Talking to them has been awkward all day. There’s been tension in the past about this, but it was never this bad.

And I feel awful because I don’t think I responded to them properly, and I feel like I’m making them hate the faith. It makes me feel selfish for wanting to go to Mass, even though I know I need to go.



I am still going to go to Mass… but I’d appreciate advice about this because I feel like going home is really hurting my faith life, and my faith is really affecting my relationship with my parents.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Ask them what changed since last week. They were pretty happy and even interested last week - why are they now negative again? Did they think you would only want to go to Mass one time and never again? Or just whenever, but not every week? Try to keep it positive, don’t respond to their negative questions, just state, “Yes, but I want to go, no one is MAKING me go.” Keep a nice smile on your face.

Or, just go ahead on your own, if you can borrow a car. Just tell them “Thank you” when you come back, and then don’t engage on the subject. I think that is the tactic I would take, myself - just do what you need to do, and let them stew on their own without getting into a big debate. They are really trying to provoke you anyway - why give them the satisfaction?



Next weekend, go to Mass on Saturday evening.

 

[takers]

Maybe talk about how mass isn’t an obligation for you, but rather a joyful event you’d hate to miss. You don’t see it as missing out on winter activities because of mass, but missing out on mass because of the winter activities. Too many people think of church as either an item to check off a list or a drudgery to muddle threw. If you refocus mass as a joyous, fun, or much anticipated attendance time then maybe they’ll understand why you desire to go over other activities.

 

[jmcrae]

Ok so it turns out that our family friends wanted to go next weekend instead, so my Sunday is free.
However, when I told my parents I was going to Mass today, they got really upset. They asked me if why I was so insistent on going and if I thought it was a sin to miss just one week- and went on about how they wouldn’t want to worship a God who sent people to hell for skipping church. Then they asked me if I thought they were going to hell because they never went, and then said I was going overboard and how I’ve changed so much and they didn’t like it.

I would just say, “Look, I have an appointment with Jesus every Sunday and Holy Day. If you don’t then that’s fine - your relationship with Jesus doesn’t have to be the same as mine - but how disappointed do you think Jesus will be, if I don’t show up like I promised I would? Even if He forgives me, I’d still feel bad.”

They may or may not reply that Jesus is everywhere - but then you can ask them, “Did you ever see anybody praying on a golf course? Me neither - praying happens in Church, because that’s what the space is designed for.”

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

It may take your parents a while to get used to the idea that you’ve changed and that it’s a lasting change. They’ve probably gone through other things where something became a fad and you did it for a while, but then moved on to something new. So now they need to come to see that this is something lasting.

I don’t remember back to the beginning of the thread…you’re a student, aren’t you? If so, you only have to put up with this for a short time before you head back to school. And when you come home in the Spring, it will probably be easier. They may sigh and say “oh, she’s still at it” but it will be more familiar to them.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

Ask them what changed since last week. They were pretty happy and even interested last week - why are they now negative again? Did they think you would only want to go to Mass one time and never again? Or just whenever, but not every week? Try to keep it positive, don’t respond to their negative questions, just state, “Yes, but I want to go, no one is MAKING me go.” Keep a nice smile on your face.

Or, just go ahead on your own, if you can borrow a car. Just tell them “Thank you” when you come back, and then don’t engage on the subject. I think that is the tactic I would take, myself - just do what you need to do, and let them stew on their own without getting into a big debate. They are really trying to provoke you anyway - why give them the satisfaction?



Next weekend, go to Mass on Saturday evening.

I told them I was planning on going to mass regularly, but I don’t think they took me seriously.
They were hesitant before taking me to Mass each time (last Sunday, and Christmas), asking me “are you sure”, but afterwards it was fine and they were even curious about it… until today.
Thanks for your advice. I think I’m going to go on my own from now on. I can’t drive alone but tonight I found out it takes just over 30 minutes to walk there (I missed my bus on the way back)- less than I thought!! Tonight they kind of ignored me when I told them I was leaving for Mass, but they didn’t say anything negative either.

I wonder if it’d would be a better idea to just announce that I’m going right before I leave? I’m thinking it might avoid drama. Although they might be upset I’m not telling them my plans. But I already told them I had mass every week.

Maybe talk about how mass isn’t an obligation for you, but rather a joyful event you’d hate to miss. You don’t see it as missing out on winter activities because of mass, but missing out on mass because of the winter activities. Too many people think of church as either an item to check off a list or a drudgery to muddle threw. If you refocus mass as a joyous, fun, or much anticipated attendance time then maybe they’ll understand why you desire to go over other activities.

Thanks I agree I should make Mass sound like a joyful event- they’ve mentioned how church was boring and that they didn’t understand why I would go.
But the fact that they don’t understand that it is an obligation also makes it seem optional to them. If it’s just something I “want” to do, then it’s selfish of me not to sacrifice it for family activities. I don’t know how to show them that it’s both: a responsibility and something I enjoy.
I try to tell them but I don’t know how to do it in a way that they can relate to, since they’re non-practicing Catholics/ atheists.

I would just say, “Look, I have an appointment with Jesus every Sunday and Holy Day. If you don’t then that’s fine - your relationship with Jesus doesn’t have to be the same as mine - but how disappointed do you think Jesus will be, if I don’t show up like I promised I would? Even if He forgives me, I’d still feel bad.”

They may or may not reply that Jesus is everywhere - but then you can ask them, “Did you ever see anybody praying on a golf course? Me neither - praying happens in Church, because that’s what the space is designed for.”

I never thought of saying that. My parents are more agnostic/atheist but I think if I change the words a bit it could be something they would understand, especially the whole keeping appointments/promises part. Thank you!

It may take your parents a while to get used to the idea that you’ve changed and that it’s a lasting change. They’ve probably gone through other things where something became a fad and you did it for a while, but then moved on to something new. So now they need to come to see that this is something lasting.

I don’t remember back to the beginning of the thread…you’re a student, aren’t you? If so, you only have to put up with this for a short time before you head back to school. And when you come home in the Spring, it will probably be easier. They may sigh and say “oh, she’s still at it” but it will be more familiar to them.

Yes you’re right. Thank you, this made me feel better.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You can use that 30 minutes’ walk to pray and focus your mind on Jesus! Perfect.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

However, when I told my parents I was going to Mass today, they got really upset. They asked me if why I was so insistent on going and if I thought it was a sin to miss just one week- and went on about how they wouldn’t want to worship a God who sent people to hell for skipping church. Then they asked me if I thought they were going to hell because they never went, and then said I was going overboard and how I’ve changed so much and they didn’t like it.

I didn’t know how to reply… I told them I really wanted to go and that I was going this evening, and they kind of angrily walked away.

Talking to them has been awkward all day. There’s been tension in the past about this, but it was never this bad.

It sounds like they humored you, but didn’t really believe that you meant what you said. Or maybe they did, but they’re trying to desperately manipulate you into not going. A reasonable response would be: “Mom and Dad, I don’t understand the problem here. I thought we already had this conversation and came to an understanding. Nothing has changed since then for me. I go to Mass every Sunday. I couldn’t possibly judge your soul, and I would never claim to. But I am going to Mass every Sunday.”

You’re right that it isn’t necessary to talk about it any more ahead of time, unless you need to make specific plans with them for that time of the day. ie, next week for the ski trip (which btw, you are fully within your rights not to attend - your parents can go without you if they present you with an option that doesn’t work for your schedule)

And it also may be that there is tension and unhappiness, and they might even be mad at you. We are not promised that people will like us or agree with us for doing the right thing. As someone else mentioned, it is going to take them some time (or a lot of time) to get used to your new resolve. So you will probably have to come back to the above conversation a few times at least. Stay steady and calm, and keep the focus on, “this is what I am doing,” and don’t argue with them about it beyond saying, “we’ve already discussed this, there is nothing new to argue about.”

Now is not the time to be instructing them about the faith. If they try to argue with you about theological points, remember that they are not actually going to learn anything - they are just distracting you from the simple fact that you have a plan and they should respect it. Save the theological conversations for when they are able to have a respectful conversation that is separate from whether or not you go to Church, and when they are actually curious.