Masturbation/porn -daily mass-confession-culpablity questions

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novasmack

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I hate to write this…but I must.
I’ve been struggling with masturbation and pornography for a very, very long time…about 20 years. I have gone through different periods of success…but I cannot ever seem to stop.
I should say right up front that I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict as well…I have a very addictive personality
I so badly want to stop. I am trying everything I can think of (daily mass, frequent confession…even up to 3 times a week sometimes…I have a spiritual director, I’m very involved with 12 step work through AA…frequent rosary and divine mercy). I’m in a position to attend daily mass right now…but the problem is that often I’m not in a position to receive communion because of masturbation/porn. My spiritual advisor told me that I may not be commiting mortal sin because of the addictive factors…and encouraged me to go to receive communion and go to confession like once a week. I want to do this so bad…but I’m afraid to go to communion in this situation. I cant go to confession every day (the nearest daily confession is far away and I can’t afford the gas to go out there that often). What am I to do? I feel like daily mass an communion with our Lord would be of SOOO much help…but I feel like I would be sinning by receiving.
Also…if im not as culpable because of addiction and such…how the heck do I know what’s mortal and not!? I looked it up in the catachism and am still confused…how am I supposed to know??
Please help…I’m sorry it’s all so convoluted…but I’m really feeling lost about things right now.
Thanks!
 
About the only thing I can say is just quit doing it. Just forget about the pysco babble ; You have control over your influences. Just Quit and quit making excuses. Ask Our Blessed Mother to give you strength. With her help you will be successful.
 
Yeah…and I guess I should go tell all the alcoholics and drug addicts to just quit and quit making excuses too…Do you not think if I could just “quit doing it” …like it was a lever I could switch and be done…I would be writing on this site? Do you not think I havent given myself over to Mary’s protection and care a hundred times over and over? I am going to daily mass PRECISELY because I want this sin out of my life…forever. A response like that feels to me accusatory and not very helpful. I am NOT making excuses. My confessor told me about the culpability stuff…and I am here to ask my brothers for their educated opinions and not just take his word for it (per his instructions).
 
well…before doing anything; you should probably take a deep breathe, count to ten, and let it out. Do this a couple times, whenever you feel the ‘urge’. I find this generally works for me; if I can always remember it. Instead of looking at porn, do something social that may help you find a new girlfriend. Porn is a very anti social thing to engage in, it does have it’s place in society, but it’s generally not the best place to express oneself, as viewer or exhibit. Instead of porn, try doing things that are pro social oriented; perhaps through the community or church, or anything where you are around people that can distract you from your own anxieties. You didn’t say if you were married or plan to be soon. Word from the old wise man here, girls generally don’t appreciate guys that do that all the time. Look at it from that perspective. You could be endangering your ability to have a productive and healthy lifestyle with your life partner. Anyways, always play it safe. For an old man to tell a young man to stop, is like telling a train to stop, even if you could, it’s not going to happen with the snap of the fingers. Stop if you want to, change if you want to; continue if you want to. Just remember, their are consequences and benefits for each one of these actions. Your are the best judge of morality in the end, for you are the only one in control of your actions in life.
 
novasmack said:
Do you not think if I could just “quit doing it” …like it was a lever I could switch and be done…I would be writing on this site? Do you not think I havent given myself over to Mary’s protection and care a hundred times over and over? I am going to daily mass PRECISELY because I want this sin out of my life. A response like that feels to me accusatory and not very helpful.
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Look, there’s no easy way out. You have to work at it, and all Catholics must do this to varying degrees if they intend to be serious about their faith. It’s tough. I’m still in the process of quitting, and have slipped up a couple of times, but whenever I do I come back to Christ. He calls us and continually beckons us back to his love and mercy. I find that one of the greatest tools against masturbation is one of the things often used within it–the imagination. Imagine yourself free from it, and living a life of purity and love. The imagination, more often than not, is more powerful than the will. Imagining the good effects of ending this addiction will assist and motivate you greatly in your times of need. God Bless.
 
novasmack said:
Do you not think if I could just “quit doing it” …like it was a lever I could switch and be done…I would be writing on this site? Do you not think I havent given myself over to Mary’s protection and care a hundred times over and over? A response like that feels to me accusatory and not very helpful.
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I know exactly how you feel. I too struggled with this for a while.

Honestly, the best thing to do is to cut down over time. If cold turkey doesn’t work, try to cut down.

While masturbation is harder to stop, porn’s easier to get rid of.
Start by throwing away any magazines, videos, files, pics, and maybe try to filter your internet browser so you don’t find yourself browsing porn sites.

Do that first, it’ll help a lot.

One thing I found that helps is when you really get the urge, start praying. Pray for as long as you need. Pray the rosary

Here are other prayers:
A Prayer of Purity
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Mary, loving Daughter of God the Father, I give my soul to your care. Protect the life of God in my soul. Do not let me lose it by serious sin. Protect my mind and my will so that all my thoughts and desires will be pleasing to God.
Hail Mary…
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Mary, loving Mother of God the Son, I give my heart to your care. Let me love you with all my heart. Let me always try to love my neighbor. And help me avoid friends who might lead me away from Jesus and into a life of sin.
Hail Mary…
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Mary, loving Spouse of the Holy Spirit, I give my body to your care. Let me always remember that my body is a home for the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. Let me never sin against Him by any impure actions alone or with others, against the virtue of purity.
Hail Mary…
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Prayer to St. Dymphna - Chastity
Most pure virgin, St. Dymphna, we live at a time when many are intent on satisfying every carnal appetite. Your single-minded dedication to Christ alone is providential and inspiring. Please help us by your power with God to see life in proportion as you did. With your aid we propose to perform all our actions for a pure motive, and promptly to resist all our evil inclinations. Amen.
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I’ll keep you in my prayers.
God Bless
 
novasmack said:
I hate to write this…but I must.
I’ve been struggling with masturbation and pornography for a very, very long time…about 20 years. I have gone through different periods of success…but I cannot ever seem to stop.
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I don’t suppose you’ve heard the story of the young monk who has the same struggle you describe. He decided to confide in the oldest monk (90+ years old) in the monastery to seek his help, or at least his reassurance. “Elder Brother, tell me, at what age can I expect these temptations to leave me?” The elder monk replies, “I had the same question when I was a novice like yourself. And I, too, asked the oldest monk at that time the same question you are asking me. I see now the wisdom of his answer, and will share it with you. You can confidently expect these temptations to leave you no later than fifteen minutes after you die.”

Take a deep breath and rejoice that you are human. Keep fighting, yes, but keep breathing as well :o
novasmack said:
Also…if im not as culpable because of addiction and such…how the heck do I know what’s mortal and not!? I looked it up in the catachism and am still confused…how am I supposed to know??
Please help…I’m sorry it’s all so convoluted…but I’m really feeling lost about things right now.
Thanks!
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I guess the truth is, you can’t know whether it is a mortal sin or not for you. When you know you are in a state of grace (just after receiving the sacrament of confession), receive Holy Communion. When you are not sure, you should most definitely still attend Mass – there are tremendous graces to be received in your participation in the Church’s greatest prayer. You don’t need to receive Our Lord in Holy Communion to receive these graces. Make a spiritual communion when you are not sure about the state of your soul.

Take courage, dear one. I, too, have refrained from receiving Holy Communion when I am not sure about the state of my own soul, which is a rather public act as I play the piano in the front of the church, and Holy Communion is brought to me after everyone else has received. The act of humility (not receiving) does my soul good 👍

God bless you.

Gertie
 
I agree with the above post. The teaching is , when in doubt, err on the side of caution. Now, since your case is one of addiction, it does reduce the culpability. Assuming you have chosen a good spiritual advisor (not one who thinks that mortal sin mostly never happens) then I would say be obedient to your advisor. If he tells you that it is okay to receive communion under very specific conditions, then obey. He is in a better situation to help you than any of us here.
However, if you feel you need to make the decision yourself, then simply to not receive communion when you have commited one of these sins, and then ask the priest for confession. Do not wait until a regular time. A priest cannot deny you confession, unless he is busy, if you ask him before or after the mass. God bless you for your perseverence and sacrifice. The worst of sinners made the best of saints.🙂
 
novasmack said:
I am going to daily mass PRECISELY because I want this sin out of my life…forever.
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Have you ever considered that maybe God wants you to struggle with this sin (not so that you would sin, but so that you would have to rely on Him for help)? Maybe you wouldn’t be going to Mass and seeking God as much if it was not difficult for you to battle this sin. If things are easy, we can become complacent.

I am a 20 year old guy who battles these temptations all the time. I’ve had many times when I wasn’t certain if I was fully culpable and gave full consent required for a mortal sin. I look at sin not so much as doing something that God disapproves of so much as I do turning your will away from God. I guess that if you willed to commit the sin in such a way that you completely turn your back to God, than you would be fully culpable for your sin (if that makes any sense).

It is a very difficult sin to battle and can be very hard to discern one’s own culpability for.
 
Im not a spiritual director but your spiritual director is! Take his advise. Go for communion daily!

In any case apart from the fact you have taken spiritual direction, the intent to go to confession as soon as possible in your circumstances is another reason you need not refrain from recieving communion.

I dont know your full circumstances, but thats my take on what you seem to be saying.

👍

God bless.
 
Nicholas_II said:
Im not a spiritual director but your spiritual director is! Take his advise. Go for communion daily!

In any case apart from the fact you have taken spiritual direction, the intent to go to confession as soon as possible in your circumstances is another reason you need not refrain from recieving communion.

I dont know your full circumstances, but thats my take on what you seem to be saying.

👍

God bless.
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Actually, the intent to go to confession is not enough. If you are in mortal sin, you are in mortal sin, and it is not wiped clean until you go to confession. So you can have all the intent you like, but you should still not go receive communion until you have gone to confession.
 
You are as responsible for the actions of masturbation and porn as the one whois not addicted. Addictions are psychological in nature. It doesn’t mean that you just throw in the towel on the effort either though. Go to mass, go to confession, and pray that you find a medication to ease your addictions.Talk to a psychiatrist if you have to. Find out WHY you are masturbating in the 1st place. Then get therapy for the addiction. God knows when you are truly sorry for your sins.It’s easy to say’‘go and sin no more’’, but unless you can really understand the illness and the temptation, there is no way to say to someone ‘‘stop doing that’’. Many have sinned the same sins. It takes someone who is TRULY an honest person to confess to a web page of unknowns, who for whatever reason,come here daily,for physical, emotional and psychological strength to get through every day.
Simply put, pray an Our Father a day,and concentrate on doing good for others, and get together with members of your local church. Get involved with your soon to be wife and go to church functions. If you go to a psychiatrist it isn’t turning your back on God either.If behavior therapy and medications can help, ask for them. Just whatever you do…don’t give up on the idea that you are in controlof this addiction, and YES you CAN overcome it.It will take every ounce of perseverence, effort, prayer, and the willingness to trust in God that He ill be there for you. But believe me…he IS there for you ase speak.

Lets pray an Our Father and Hail Mary together…

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from every evil, Amen.

Hail Maryfull of grace. The Lord is with Thee, blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God,pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

May God and help from your medical team provide you with a cure for your addictions, free you from all of your sins, and allow you to share in the bounty of Christ’s love and companionship now and in the world to come, Amen
Hang in there we’re praying for you. we love you as well as God does
👍
 
novasmack said:
Please help…I’m sorry it’s all so convoluted…but I’m really feeling lost about things right now.
Thanks!
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I struggle with this as well, and what I can tell you is not to let the guilt overcome you.

Do not misunderstand this: it is important to have some guilt, because it is that guilt which condemns us when we do wrong. However, do not be fooled into hitting yourself over the head so much that you begin to feel helpless. This was my mistake. Once I realized that I was allowing the guilt to turn my addiction into a never-ending cycle, I was able to see things more clearly and begin to get a grasp on the addiction.

Many Church Fathers, especially the ascetics, speak of always being watchful. Think of the demons of temptation as terrorists seeking to destroy your soul - just as real life terrorists are always seeking to destroy people. 😛 They will come when you least expect it, but you will see them coming. If you start to feel anything - be it a thought, or something you see, or a feeling that comes over you - fight it back at once. One analogy I heard was that temptation was like an airplane: it will only land if you allow it too, the key is never let it descend.

But as I said, do not turn your conscience into a guilt trip, because it will only hurt you more.
 
First of all for something to be a mortal sin, you have to know that the act your committing (going to commit), would be a mortal sin, and regardless of that knowledge do it anyway. I can tell you now that your not alone but part of a very large group. 99% of men in this world have the same struggle you do. Since you don’t mention if your married or not, Im not sure the following tips will help but here are some things that work for me.
If married, make an effort to have regular intamacy with your wife. That will help greatly.

At my house, I have installed parental control software on all of the computers in my home and my wife is the only one with the administrator password. This software blocks all pornsites. You can go to www.internetsafety.com for the software.

Next, in most cases, there are certain practices/habits that lead you into situations that will enable this temptation (ie…Late at night web surfing, alcohol/drug use, maybe frequenting adult book stores). If you work on changing your personal habits away from these activites (don’t get on your computer at night, stay away from the book store), the temptations will be much easier to overcome. Once you start an activity that enables the temptation, it is much harder to turn back.

Believe me as your daily habits change it will become easier and easier.

It is very important that you do not become discouraged. Once you give up, the evil one wins. Pray daily and accept this as your cross to carry daily. Once again, you are NOT alone!
May the peace of our Lord Jesus be upon you. May His Love fill you and may you always remember His Mercy is unending.****
 
Addictive behavior can, in certain circumstances, reduce the culpability for what might otherwise be considered mortal sin, as the addiction can affect the extent to which a person has freely consented to the behavior in question. Your spiritual director should be able to help you whether this is true in your case.

Take the lead of your spiritual director. If he has advised you that it is safe to receive the Eucharist, and you are not “aware of having sinned mortally” since receiving that direction (Catechism, para. 1415), then by all means receive. You in particular really need the Eucharist in your life, and receipt of the Eucharist will help prevent you from future acts of mortal sin.

If you cannot receive, then I recommend spending some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament in prayer after daily Mass if you can.

I will be praying for you.
 
I should add that if you truly feel that you are in a state of mortal sin, then in addition to refraining from receiving the Eucharist, you should literally be dropping whatever you are doing and running, not walking, to the nearest priest for Confession.

If you have access to a daily Mass, then you must have access to a priest on a daily basis, even if this is not your regular spiritual director. Though this priest apparently does not have a regularly scheduled confession time each day, he should be willing to hear *any *sinner’s Confession in an emergency situation - I’ve never met a priest who was not willing to do this. And being in a state of mortal sin is an emergency.
 
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