Matrimony or Bust

[PaulinVA]

Here’s the deal - what used to make men men has been taken away by society, for good or bad. Nothing has been advanced to replace it.

School used to be boy-centric, with contests and recess and winners and losers. That’s how boys are. However, feminists took over, and, as another poster mentioned, decided that girls acted correctly and boys should just act like girls. So, boys are crammed into an institution that is designed to break them, make them sit still for hours and learn more and more academics, sometimes before their little brains are ready. From an early age, many are learning that they aren’t 'good enough, that they are “stupid”.

For men, being “in charge” is seen as patriarchal and misogynistic. They are taught that what comes naturally to them (take charge, be responsible) is just what is keeping women down and needs to stop.

So, great, now we have a subset of a generation of men who haven’t achieved academically, don’t want to go to college, don’t want to have a responsible life, and women in their peer group wonder why there are no men to marry.

Society used to be patriarchal and women did suffer from a dearth of opportunity Well,
in the process of making society more equal, we’ve enhanced women’s options but had a disastrous effect on men.

 

[Xantippe]

Here’s the deal - what used to make men men has been taken away by society, for good or bad. Nothing has been advanced to replace it.

School used to be boy-centric, with contests and recess and winners and losers.

**I’m quite friendly to academic contests–my big kids do a lot of them. (Interestingly, it’s the my mildly autistic girl that loves them the most. The boy finds the pressure and the time constraints demoralizing.)

I taught almost entirely single gender high school classes overseas in the Peace Corps, and I did note that compared to the girls, the boys did seem to need the artificial interest of games or contests to stir up interest.

However, I suspect that for boys in the very bottom of any class, academic contests and public grading are going to be the opposite of inspiring. When you know that you are going to lose (as you’ve lost or placed miserably the last dozen times), public grading and contests are just an opportunity for repeated humiliation. In that case, there’s going to be a tremendous temptation to stop trying, because it’s less humiliating to cut up in class and get poor grades than to be visibly trying and still get poor grades.

I am not sure there has really ever been a “good old days” for boys in the US, or not for very long. Remember how Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn felt about school in the “good old days”.

Also, come to think of it, the high school graduation rate in the US is better than it has ever been:

“The high school graduation rate has topped 80 percent for the first time in U.S. history — and if states can keep up their rapid pace of improvement, the rate could hit 90 percent by 2020, according to federal data released Monday.”

politico.com/story/2014/04/high-school-graduation-rate-could-hit-90-percent-106085.html**

Who knows what kind of academic performance that represents, but it does suggest that the US is better than ever at actually keeping students of both sexes in the building until graduation.

That’s how boys are. However, feminists took over, and, as another poster mentioned, decided that girls acted correctly and boys should just act like girls. So, boys are crammed into an institution that is designed to break them, make them sit still for hours and learn more and more academics, sometimes before their little brains are ready. From an early age, many are learning that they aren’t 'good enough, that they are “stupid”.

**There’s a lot of red-shirting these days, particularly among the affluent.

news.virginia.edu/content/study-redshirting-kindergarteners-not-common-reported**

“According to the study, redshirting is extremely unlikely in schools in low-income neighborhoods, but in some high-income communities there are schools where nearly one in four children delay kindergarten entry.”

So, delayed school entry could be an easy fix for children who aren’t quite ready for school.

For men, being “in charge” is seen as patriarchal and misogynistic. They are taught that what comes naturally to them (take charge, be responsible) is just what is keeping women down and needs to stop.

**Having taught classes that were 100% boys, I wonder how natural being “in charge” actually is to boys on average. I think it’s true that boys are more happily hierarchical than girls socially, but doesn’t that mean that boys are OK with “followership” rather than “leadership”? In a hierarchical organization, only one person is at the top and everybody else is following. **

So, great, now we have a subset of a generation of men who haven’t achieved academically, don’t want to go to college, don’t want to have a responsible life, and women in their peer group wonder why there are no men to marry.

How many men used to go to college percentage-wise? Not a whole lot.

Society used to be patriarchal and women did suffer from a dearth of opportunity Well,
in the process of making society more equal, we’ve enhanced women’s options but had a disastrous effect on men.

Don’t forget technological advances and automatization drying up blue collar employment at around the same time. 10 guys with a shovel are replaced by one guy with a back hoe, a sawmill full of workers is replaced by a facility where nobody actually physically touches the lumber, etc.

 

[PaulinVA]

Don’t forget technological advances and automatization drying up blue collar employment at around the same time. 10 guys with a shovel are replaced by one guy with a back hoe, a sawmill full of workers is replaced by a facility where nobody actually physically touches the lumber, etc.

That’s the rub - there is more of a need for everyone to be well educated, and to continue that education throughout their lives. So, everyone needs a sold foundation and needs to enjoy learning.

It’s interesting that you note that when there are losers in contests, those people could have a tendency to drop out. I would counter with the idea that most people are good at something, and what I am trying for is school that is interesting and engaging for everyone. Believe it or not, you don’t have to win the spelling bee to enjoy being in it. It’s the competition, not necessarily the outcome.

 

[Naskor]

That’s the rub - there is more of a need for everyone to be well educated, and to continue that education throughout their lives. So, everyone needs a sold foundation and needs to enjoy learning.

It’s interesting that you note that when there are losers in contests, those people could have a tendency to drop out. I would counter with the idea that most people are good at something, and what I am trying for is school that is interesting and engaging for everyone. Believe it or not, you don’t have to win the spelling bee to enjoy being in it. It’s the competition, not necessarily the outcome.

I think you’re 100% right. Men like the competition, not winning. If men didn’t like to compete why do love video games? Competing with players from around the world and having a global rank and leader board. Seeing how I compare to millions of other players doesn’t make me want to quit, it drives to keep playing.

 

[Xantippe]

I think you’re 100% right. Men like the competition, not winning. If men didn’t like to compete why do love video games? Competing with players from around the world and having a global rank and leader board. Seeing how I compare to millions of other players doesn’t make me want to quit, it drives to keep playing.

I think there’s definitely room for more “gamification” of education, but that’s not just a boy thing.

My 12-year-old daughter is able to log onto a computer program to study her Latin and it’s sometimes hard to peel her off to do other stuff. She loves getting onto Quizlet and studying and she’s routinely getting 100% on her Latin work.

I think there’s a lot of room for more stuff like that.