Mature Topic (sorry- delete if too crude)- Is this a sin?

[new_to_the_chur]

Hello everyone…

My wife and I have been practicing NFP for a long time, and we’ve been very faithful and diligent about it. We’re excited to keep having children, but we’re trying to put a little more space between #2 and #3- we had to ween #1 pretty fast after she became pregnant, because of changes in her milk supply.

Anyway, right now is a fertile period, and so we’re abstaining for a few more days. It used to be harder for me, but I offer it up, and hope that the abstaining counts as penance for the earthly sins of my youth.

So here is what I’m wondering… today on the couch while the children were napping, we were relaxing and cuddling. She had a sore back… I began massaging her, and it’s been so long… and I guess our hormones got the better of us. I uh… gave her the big O with my hand.

We were cuddling and kissing the whole time, and it was a very loving experience for us both, but later on here, we’re wondering if we just committed a sin, and if so, whether that sin was venial or mortal. We know that nothing can happen for the man that is not conducive to life, and we see the beauty of that teaching / way of life, but we’re not sure about this.

Please let me know what you think, everyone.

Praying I haven’t just led my wife into sin and into an awkward confession for us both… And Praying harder that this topic doesn’t effect anyone here negatively.

Hail Mary, full of grace…

David

 

[Aelred_Minor]

If you have modestly left out a detail that would make this masturbation (which is what it sounds like) then yes, objectively it is a grave sin although it’s not up to us to determine your personal culpability.

If it was a weird, unpredictable, spontaneous thing then I could see calling it just an accident. In which case just make sure not to try to deliberately recreate the experience as if it were a way you could “get away” with producing the effect.

 

[nodito]

If you were deliberately trying to bring her to orgasm outside of intercourse, then yes, it is objectively grave matter. Any sexual act must maintain its unitive and procreative elements. Our sexual organs are meant to be enjoyed within the marital embrace and not outside of it, even within marriage. That goes for both the man and the woman. For it to have been mortal, however, you would have to have known it was an offense against God (and it seems you didn’t, because you’re asking this question) and have freely chosen to do it anyway.

If it was accidental, then it’s not a sin at all.

Good for you for practicing NFP instead of contracepting. You are a witness to the world! Go to confession and put this behind you. God bless.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Welcome to CAF, and

Nothing like starting out with an embarrassing first post…

It sounds as if you were fooling around a little too much and with certain areas…yes that sounds like masturbation…yes that is a sin. In your case, it might not be mortal, but you do know what brings your wife to orgasm, so…

Sorry but I’d say this does need to be confessed. You might say something like, “I participated in a sexual act that was not procreative.” Yeah, it’s pretty darned awkward, which gives you another reason not to repeat the act.

 

[new_to_the_chur]

God bless you people for your kindness and lack of harshness. I thought I had a whooping coming. We will go to confession- Christ, have mercy! We are foolish!

Dave

 

[TheRealJuliane]

God bless you people for your kindness and lack of harshness. I thought I had a whooping coming. We will go to confession- Christ, have mercy! We are foolish!

Dave

We are all sinners; we have all fallen. Not our job to whoop you!

NFP is a challenge. God bless you both for adhering to God’s laws.

 

[mommamaree]

It just depends on if it was intentional or spontaneous. If it was spontaneous, there is no sin and no need for confession. If it was intentional stimulation of sexual organs that resulted in climax, that probably would need to be confessed.
But don’t feel too bad! We can get swept up in our passions and have trouble knowing where to stop when we are abstaining for NFP. A confession could be something simple like “my wife and I had a nonprocreative sexual encounter when we got carried away during a fertile time when we are trying to abstain to postpone pregnancy.”
It might be embarrassing at first, if you and your wife decide to go to confession, but priests have heard this kind of thing before. It is not the worst thing in the world for a loving couple to get swept up in their love and forget for a moment their prudential decision to abstain. Abstinence is difficult. The instinct to caress your wife is a good one. God bless you and your family. I hope you and your wife are able to set aside your worry so you can decide about whether or not confession is needed and have peace in your heart.

 

[R1ch4rd]

God bless you people for your kindness and lack of harshness. I thought I had a whooping coming. We will go to confession- Christ, have mercy! We are foolish!

Dave

Welcome Dave,
We’re Catholics, but we’re human Catholics and If we’re married we’ve all probably fooled around some.so we’d all have to say: “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first whoop”

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

Sexual activity without intercourse or the intention of intercourse is a sin.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Welcome Dave,
We’re Catholics, but we’re human Catholics and If we’re married we’ve all probably fooled around some.so we’d all have to say: “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first whoop”

Love it when CAF has a sense of humor!

 

[Lost_Sheep]

Now that you have heard from the hard-liners who judged and said absolutely and unequivocally you have sinned, let me say that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Did you sin or not? Who is anyone to say?

Faith should focus on the big picture; not fretting over individual sins that may or may not have been commited.

If you are unsure, talk to your priest. He can give you a better answer that a bunch of strangers in an online forum.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Now that you have heard-] from the hard-liners who judged and said absolutely and unequivocally you have sinned, let me say that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Did you sin or not? Who is anyone to say?/-]

Faith should focus on the big picture; not fretting over individual sins that may or may not have been commited.

If you are unsure, talk to your priest. He can give you a better answer that a bunch of strangers in an online forum.

You must have read posts that I did not. Your perspective as a “cynical Catholic” should be taken with a view to its source. We Catholics should be concerned with sin, especially those sins that we do not wish to bring up to the surface and let go of. The “big stuff” is harder to hide.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

You must have read posts that I did not. Your perspective as a “cynical Catholic” should be taken with a view to its source. We Catholics should be concerned with sin, especially those sins that we do not wish to bring up to the surface and let go of. The “big stuff” is harder to hide.

That’s precisely why I am cynical.

We should be concerned WITH OUR OWN sins; not the sins of other people. One should get his/her own house in other before calling out others on sinful behavior. Casting the first stone and all that.

To the OP: Like I said, go see your priest. Talk to him about it and if you still believed you sinned, confess it and move on. Don’t let it destroy you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

That’s precisely why I am cynical.

We should be concerned WITH OUR OWN sins; not the sins of other people. One should get his/her own house in other before calling out others on sinful behavior. Casting the first stone and all that.

To the OP: Like I said, go see your priest. Talk to him about it and if you still believed you sinned, confess it and move on. Don’t let it destroy you.

again, who is calling anyone out on sinful behavior? The OP came here and asked a question. All of us said to take this to confession, and the priest can decide/absolve. From what he said it was not intentional so that means not mortal, but the priest is the one who can guide him. He never said it was “destroying” him.

 

[on_the_hill]

We should be concerned WITH OUR OWN sins; not the sins of other people.

Whoa, hold on there a minute young fella.

The OP asked people for their opinions and judgements.

It can’t go both ways.
“I did . Was it a sin?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t judge me!”