Meaning of marriage

[Eliza10]

We can’t really make such a statement based on what is presented here. Lack of sexual relations isn’t grounds for nullity, per se.

I was only responding to what she actually said, assuming she got her facts straight. (She said he is “uninterested” (vs. unable)). But, yes, one with more facts, who also knows the meaning of marraige is in the eyes of the Catholic Church, can make the most accurate statement.

 

[Eliza10]

No, it’s not. This is a complete betrayal and the best thing the OP can do is let her daughter know that. When/if the husband finds out that his MIL is privy to his embarrassing sexual issues, he is not going to feel comfortable around his in laws or trust his wife.

Completely unacceptable.

Hmm, I have sympathy for the bride. I know what it is like to be a young bride in love who husband suddenly shows completely disinterest, giving no indication of such disinterest before marriage.

Before we married my ex was plenty amorous, and I had no reason to expect that part of our life to not be happy. But on our wedding day, wanting to be the last to leave at our evening reception, enjoying his friends and family so much, he was “tried” when we got back to the room we booked for the wedding night (a big splurge since he was a student), also because (surprise!) we had to get up for brunch because he had invited his family and friends to join us at the hotel next morning! And the party continued! After brunch we packed up gifts and drove back across the country, because he had to return to school. And the disinterest in marital relations soon became a pattern. And then, our life.

Its a lonely situation and he did not want to talk about it. He expertly deflected for a long time, then would just get threateningly angry, later. If you know how isolating this feels you would not find it such a terrible thing that this bride reached otu to her mother. Its a good chance she was deeply distressed and really needed to talk. Her mother likely sensed her distress. And you don’t know - perhaps her husband sees it and refused to address it. It happens. That’s how it was in my case. Even if this is not the situation,* I think its charitable to assume she had a compelling need to talk about it.* I have sympathy for that.

I found out some years later that his disinterest in intimacy was typical for a man with Narcissist Personality Disorder, a profile he fit in every singe way. And I knew him inside out by the time I learned of this disorder. And it turns out that the typical NPD behaves just as my ex did in the area of intimacy.

The typical Narcissist (not the few that are somatic-type) use sex and romance as a role that they play, as in a movie, to secure a spouse or girlfriend, for “Secondary Narcissist Supply”. But they have no interest in intimacy, and are glad to be OVER with that tiresome “game” as soon as they have her “secured”. He will suddenly lose interest once his girl is engage, married, moved in with him, gets pregnant - whatever makes him feel sure he has her to stay. Then he suddenly and permanently loses all interest in intimacy. (But it never was “interest” - even though it looked like it! It was a pesky role he had to play.)

Its so surreal when you have no explanation for it. But the NPD lives in a different reality, thats why you cannot understand. The NPD cannot have a relationship. He wants the girl in his life for “Secondary Narcissist Supply”, and she will be secondary to everyone else in the world, that becomes clear as soon as she is “locked in”. Then the ignoring begins.

Am I saying the OP’s son-in-law is an NPD? :nope: No way. How can I know? I only know there are many possible reasons for his uncharitable unloving response to his young wife. And NPD is one possibility, that only someone close to him could know, after they know what to look for. Learning about NPD explained my whole life to me, after having been married so long and read on every other possible topic to understand. NPD shed the light on it all.

NPD is very common these days. There have always been mostly men in the category, but now there are more and more women, too. Its the same misery whichever one you get.

An NPD looks super-normal, because they work very hard at looking normal, and outstanding. But they are not.

And, interestingly enough, if he is an NPD - they don’t care if you talk to anyone about them and their shortcomings. Just being talked about matters to them. They* like* it.:hypno: