Mementos From Former Significant Others

[THutch04]

Just for the record, I know some of my former significant others have kept things from their exes before me and it really never bothered me. Sometimes it takes meeting someone else to make you ready to get rid of the old letters. I’ve had it happen where I wanted to hold onto things like that for memories. However, when another person came along, I realized I no longer needed those memories, and I was really able to move on from that part of my life. I think when you’re really ready to get rid of things like that, you’ll be able to do it. Actually, with me some of the things I had completely forgotten about until I started cleaning things out.

 

[Maria1212]

Thanks again for all the replies. None of the items were explicit or anything like that!! It was a very pure relationship. I wouldnt feel ashamed if someone I was dating found the letters. They are a nice reminder of someones love for me, but given he could not love the “Catholic” part of me, I know he didnt really love me. He thought he did, but he did not love all of me. (I dont know if I explained that right). So it is a nice reminder to know he cared about me, and to know I meant a lot to him. But I have let go of the relationship.

Maybe this falls in the same category of old journals. When i look through old journals, I remember where I came from, and the experiences from my past helped shape who I am today. The same is true with my relationship with that friend. Those experiences are part of me, and he will always have a special place in my heart, but I do not want to live in the past., and holding on to the letters and pictures makes me feel like I haven`t let go all the way yet. Maybe I am just being too sentimental.

My relationship with him set me on a long spiritual journey, and for that, I am grateful. I will keep one or two of the things he gave me (one is a very beautiful box that I am going to use to keep a special rosary I ordered. That way it will be a visual reminder to pray for his conversion, and for the conversion of my other friends and family.

I agree that burning the letters and pictures will be good, because it is very respectful. Our breakup was very cordial, but very painful, and part of me just wants all of the reminders of that, and of him, out of my house. But at the same time, they are a reminder of the pain that the schisms within Christianity cause.

Since then I only date Catholics. I learned a valuable lesson and would not trade it for the world. But I wont make the same mistake again. I dont mean any disrespect to non-Catholics, but for those Catholics who are serious about their faith, I strongly recommend only dating people you can fully share your faith and the sacraments with. You can spare yourself a lot of sorrow. (And yes, I am aware that spouses can still fall away from the faith after marriage. But I think when you stick to dating practicing Catholics, you mitigate the risk of future spiritual unhappiness between you and your spouse.)

Thank you again for all of your replies. Please remember me and my friend in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[JadensMom]

When I got married, I had some clothes and gifts that a few ex-boyfriends gave me. None of the things were really my style and often had bad memories associated with them, so I ended up selling them all on eBay and socking the money in my retirement fund. These were all perfectly nice things, so I didn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t go to someone who would like to have them (while funding my retirement at the same time.)

I also had a sister-in-law whose former boyfriend broke it off with her, but who had given her quite a lot of jewelry. She ended up auctioning it off and making several car payments with the extra money.

But if these are perfectly good CDs, teddy bears, items of clothing, etc., I don’t see why you should feel one bit of guilt about either selling them or donating them to charity, or re-gifting them, if you don’t like the idea of money changing hands. They won’t do anyone a bit of good in a landfill!

I had a boyfriend who liked to give me stuffed animals when I’m not the sentimental type, so I donated them all to Toys For Tots. I like the idea of those unwanted toys becoming some child’s beloved companion.

And when you sell an article to someone on eBay, that item gets a whole new “life” with new associations for the buyer. What might have been a memento from an old boyfriend to me suddenly becomes that great bargain someone else picked up!

Perhaps I’m just unsentimental, but that approach has worked just fine for me. I just don’t like the idea of having a lot of either clutter or bad memories around.

~Jaden(name removed by moderator)

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I think objects have an emotional half life. I went through all that when I divorced. Stuff HE gave me was returned with all the furniture carted out the door, except the diamond, which I had reset with my and my kids’ birthstones in a mother’s ring. But all the other stuff… it’s either in a box for the kids, or out it went.

But things do have a half life. And you might want to just put the stuff away and pull it out in a year and see how far you’ve come. Then it will just be pieces of paper and you can dispose of them maybe.

Wait till you’re dealing with baby clothes and you can’t bear to get rid of them. And the artwork from school. And the toys that have memories…

Respect the fact that your emotions are entwined with things and honor that.