N
nana3
Guest
I have a friend who is asking my dh and I for some advice and he is in a real difficult situation. His wife is in her late 40’s and apparently going through menopause. Another important bit of information is that she has two sister with bipolar personality disorder.
This is what has happened. Before Christmas of 2008, in October, his wife told our friend that she wanted to go visit her mother who lives in another state with their children, who they homeschool. He was fine with that. When she got up there, she called him up and told him that she did not want to hear from him by phone or email for some time. He was confused. I was too for I talked with her just a week before she left and she was fine. She was frustrated with her mother-in-law who lives with them, but not her husband, she defended him. She did leave her husband five years earlier also and they were separated for one year, but got back together after a retreat. Anyway, after two weeks, her husband thought it was time to call her and he did and she told him that she was not coming back and she was going to enroll the kids in a school up in that state she was in and she was going to live with her mom. Everyone was surprised. She did come down for an “estate sale” and I had a chance to talk to her about her marriage. She told me that she was tired of verbal abuse in her marriage and she told me that her husband was still doing pornography. That was one of the major reasons she left him five years earlier. This time she thinks he was doing child porn and that frightened her and she did not trust him to be alone with the kids. She was acting paranoid. By the way, she left him alone all the time when they lived together for she was always going out shopping. She left him when she could no longer go out shopping because he lost his well paying job due to being caught watching porn at work. So financially they were not doing well. So that was another stress on their marriage, besides the porn addiction. She put all the blame on her husband, but after she left, I came to find out that her moods would change and she would be so angry that she would hit and throw things at her husband. She was the violent one and apparently still is. I will say the times I have talked to her, she is very very angry and almost speak as if she hates her husband.
Well, at first her husband accepted everything for the sake of keeping peace for the kids. Most men would not have and also he knew he screwed up in many many areas. He apologized so many times to her. He is in a sexual addiction support group and is in counseling. He has a spiritual director as well. He goes to confession weekly and has even admitted to me that he wants to do porn and has to fight the desire daily. He was molested as a child. He has been doing porn for more than 35 years. He almost hates himself. Anyway, he use to call his children daily and pray with them when they first moved up north. His oldest son always wanted to talk to him and his youngest son. His oldest son is 12 and the youngest is 6. The mom has now poison the minds of the two girls and the youngest boy and they do not want to talk to their dad on the phone. So the dad who loves to spend daily time with them found it difficult to only see them once a month for he drove up north from here in Florida to see them. That was too hard on him emotionally. Even when he did go up, his wife sometimes would not allow him to see the kids. One time the kids wanted him to see them sing in the choir and she said he will not go to the same church she goes to. He did not go. He will do all she ask for he does not want a divorce and knows if he does anything legal to see his kids, she will file for a divorce for that is how angry she is. They still have a joint banking account and she withdrawls money, a lot, monthly sometimes leaving him without anything. All his brothers and we have told him to only give her child support and that is it, but he doesn’t want to get her upset. Well not he has rented a room up in the same state near the kids and still she won’t allow him to see the kids daily. He will only see the kids once a month and only when she says so and only under supervision.
This dad has talked with Fr. Groesheal from EWTN. I hope I spelled his name correctly. He also spoke with the wife and said that this woman is suffering from menopause. He feels the husband needs to be patient, but that he may need to involve the domestic violence people for his wife is violent with him and could be with the children for she was that angry with him on the phone and unstable. He said he has seen this in many menopausal women. This woman refuses to see that she may be going through menopause. She has been though a lot emotionally too, for prior to all this she had a miscarriage.
This friend of ours, has come to us again. He says he has prayed and prayed and doesn’t know what to do. If this is indeed menopause, this can last up to 10 years. I asked him if he was willing not to be part of his children’s life for 10 years. I think he should take legal action, but he feels that is not what God is telling him to do, but than he says he doesn’t know what God is telling him. I feel his pain and struggle and confusion.
Has any man been in this situation or similiar situation? Any advice would be appreciated. This man knows he has made huges mistakes and he is not forgiving himself of them and beaten himself up for it daily. He is getting the help he needs, but he wants to see his children daily who he loves and he can’t. He doesn’t want a divorce and fears it if he takes legal actions to see his kids. What would you do?
This is what has happened. Before Christmas of 2008, in October, his wife told our friend that she wanted to go visit her mother who lives in another state with their children, who they homeschool. He was fine with that. When she got up there, she called him up and told him that she did not want to hear from him by phone or email for some time. He was confused. I was too for I talked with her just a week before she left and she was fine. She was frustrated with her mother-in-law who lives with them, but not her husband, she defended him. She did leave her husband five years earlier also and they were separated for one year, but got back together after a retreat. Anyway, after two weeks, her husband thought it was time to call her and he did and she told him that she was not coming back and she was going to enroll the kids in a school up in that state she was in and she was going to live with her mom. Everyone was surprised. She did come down for an “estate sale” and I had a chance to talk to her about her marriage. She told me that she was tired of verbal abuse in her marriage and she told me that her husband was still doing pornography. That was one of the major reasons she left him five years earlier. This time she thinks he was doing child porn and that frightened her and she did not trust him to be alone with the kids. She was acting paranoid. By the way, she left him alone all the time when they lived together for she was always going out shopping. She left him when she could no longer go out shopping because he lost his well paying job due to being caught watching porn at work. So financially they were not doing well. So that was another stress on their marriage, besides the porn addiction. She put all the blame on her husband, but after she left, I came to find out that her moods would change and she would be so angry that she would hit and throw things at her husband. She was the violent one and apparently still is. I will say the times I have talked to her, she is very very angry and almost speak as if she hates her husband.
Well, at first her husband accepted everything for the sake of keeping peace for the kids. Most men would not have and also he knew he screwed up in many many areas. He apologized so many times to her. He is in a sexual addiction support group and is in counseling. He has a spiritual director as well. He goes to confession weekly and has even admitted to me that he wants to do porn and has to fight the desire daily. He was molested as a child. He has been doing porn for more than 35 years. He almost hates himself. Anyway, he use to call his children daily and pray with them when they first moved up north. His oldest son always wanted to talk to him and his youngest son. His oldest son is 12 and the youngest is 6. The mom has now poison the minds of the two girls and the youngest boy and they do not want to talk to their dad on the phone. So the dad who loves to spend daily time with them found it difficult to only see them once a month for he drove up north from here in Florida to see them. That was too hard on him emotionally. Even when he did go up, his wife sometimes would not allow him to see the kids. One time the kids wanted him to see them sing in the choir and she said he will not go to the same church she goes to. He did not go. He will do all she ask for he does not want a divorce and knows if he does anything legal to see his kids, she will file for a divorce for that is how angry she is. They still have a joint banking account and she withdrawls money, a lot, monthly sometimes leaving him without anything. All his brothers and we have told him to only give her child support and that is it, but he doesn’t want to get her upset. Well not he has rented a room up in the same state near the kids and still she won’t allow him to see the kids daily. He will only see the kids once a month and only when she says so and only under supervision.
This dad has talked with Fr. Groesheal from EWTN. I hope I spelled his name correctly. He also spoke with the wife and said that this woman is suffering from menopause. He feels the husband needs to be patient, but that he may need to involve the domestic violence people for his wife is violent with him and could be with the children for she was that angry with him on the phone and unstable. He said he has seen this in many menopausal women. This woman refuses to see that she may be going through menopause. She has been though a lot emotionally too, for prior to all this she had a miscarriage.
This friend of ours, has come to us again. He says he has prayed and prayed and doesn’t know what to do. If this is indeed menopause, this can last up to 10 years. I asked him if he was willing not to be part of his children’s life for 10 years. I think he should take legal action, but he feels that is not what God is telling him to do, but than he says he doesn’t know what God is telling him. I feel his pain and struggle and confusion.
Has any man been in this situation or similiar situation? Any advice would be appreciated. This man knows he has made huges mistakes and he is not forgiving himself of them and beaten himself up for it daily. He is getting the help he needs, but he wants to see his children daily who he loves and he can’t. He doesn’t want a divorce and fears it if he takes legal actions to see his kids. What would you do?
