MERGED: Extended absence from confession

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MaryAnne77

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This is shameful, and embarrassing for me to admit - but my husband has not made confession in over four years. I try to go at least seasonally, and of course as needed for serious issues, and always encourage him to come with me, but he says he thinks it’s too embarrassing and awkward. He is extremely shy and private, so I know it is especially hard for him. I am a very open person, so I really can’t relate, but he says sitting in a small room with another guy laying out all his sins makes him want to pass out. Still, I am concerned about his eternal soul. He says he confesses and asks forgiveness from Jesus on his own - but I know that’s just not sufficient. I have been praying for his return to acceptance of this holy sacrament and I think I got my prayers answered!

My husband mentioned to me last night that he is thinking about going to confession this Saturday. I am overjoyed! I don’t want to make “too big a deal” out of it because I don’t want to freak him out. But, one thing he brought up is that he “can’t remember everything he’s done wrong in the last four years!” I am not sure what to tell him. Obviously he cannot recall every impure thought, every selfish motive, every moment of uncharity for the last four years. I suggested he start making a list of things to confess, and add to it as he remembers. I don’t want to overwhelm him - but I am concerned that he will not make a full confession because it’s been SO LONG since he last participated in the sacrament.

What is the “deal” - so to speak - when one has had an extended absence from confession and can no longer recall all the things that have occurred since his or her last good confession? What if some of the forgotten sins are mortal in nature?

Thanks!
 
MaryAnne77 said:
What is the “deal” - so to speak - when one has had an extended absence from confession and can no longer recall all the things that have occurred since his or her last good confession? What if some of the forgotten sins are mortal in nature?
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If a sin is honestly forgotten, it is forgiven with absolution of the other sins.

You might like to share this examination of conscience with him: scborromeo.org/confess.htm
 
MaryAnne77 said:
This is shameful, and embarrassing for me to admit - but my husband has not made confession in over four years. I try to go at least seasonally, and of course as needed for serious issues, and always encourage him to come with me, but he says he thinks it’s too embarrassing and awkward. He is extremely shy and private, so I know it is especially hard for him. I am a very open person, so I really can’t relate, but he says sitting in a small room with another guy laying out all his sins makes him want to pass out. Still, I am concerned about his eternal soul. He says he confesses and asks forgiveness from Jesus on his own - but I know that’s just not sufficient. I have been praying for his return to acceptance of this holy sacrament and I think I got my prayers answered!

My husband mentioned to me last night that he is thinking about going to confession this Saturday. I am overjoyed! I don’t want to make “too big a deal” out of it because I don’t want to freak him out. But, one thing he brought up is that he “can’t remember everything he’s done wrong in the last four years!” I am not sure what to tell him. Obviously he cannot recall every impure thought, every selfish motive, every moment of uncharity for the last four years. I suggested he start making a list of things to confess, and add to it as he remembers. I don’t want to overwhelm him - but I am concerned that he will not make a full confession because it’s been SO LONG since he last participated in the sacrament.

What is the “deal” - so to speak - when one has had an extended absence from confession and can no longer recall all the things that have occurred since his or her last good confession? What if some of the forgotten sins are mortal in nature?

Thanks!
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Hi, He need to list only those sins that he recalls. as long as he does not knowingly withold confessing a sin, it will be, is forgiven. If he should remeber it later, on his next confession he needs to mention that at his last confession he forgot to list it. One thing he should rememeber, there is nothing he can confess to that the priest has not heard before. God Bless and thank be for the sacrament.
 
You’ve gotten good responses - especially having a good examination of conscience helps no matter how often you go to confession. But I did want to point out that your husband’s attendance at the sacrament of reconciliation is his own business. You should not be tracking his sins for him or telling him how often he should go to confession. Even with a young child, you can’t make them go to confession. And certainly not with an adult!
 
MaryAnne77 said:
This is shameful, and embarrassing for me to admit - but my husband has not made confession in over four years. I try to go at least seasonally, and of course as needed for serious issues, and always encourage him to come with me, but he says he thinks it’s too embarrassing and awkward. He is extremely shy and private, so I know it is especially hard for him. I am a very open person, so I really can’t relate, but he says sitting in a small room with another guy laying out all his sins makes him want to pass out. Still, I am concerned about his eternal soul. He says he confesses and asks forgiveness from Jesus on his own - but I know that’s just not sufficient. I have been praying for his return to acceptance of this holy sacrament and I think I got my prayers answered!

My husband mentioned to me last night that he is thinking about going to confession this Saturday. I am overjoyed! I don’t want to make “too big a deal” out of it because I don’t want to freak him out. But, one thing he brought up is that he “can’t remember everything he’s done wrong in the last four years!” I am not sure what to tell him. Obviously he cannot recall every impure thought, every selfish motive, every moment of uncharity for the last four years. I suggested he start making a list of things to confess, and add to it as he remembers. I don’t want to overwhelm him - but I am concerned that he will not make a full confession because it’s been SO LONG since he last participated in the sacrament.

What is the “deal” - so to speak - when one has had an extended absence from confession and can no longer recall all the things that have occurred since his or her last good confession? What if some of the forgotten sins are mortal in nature?

Thanks!
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It’s a wonderful thing that your husband has been moved by God’s grace to go back to Confession!

Just FYI, Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa of Calcutta went to Confession at least weekly.

I had a friend who had been away from Confession for 20 years. He went to old Fr. Hebert in our home town, who had a rocking chair in the confessional. You had the choice to go face-to-face, or behind the screen. He went behind the screen. He couldn’t see Fr. Hebert, but he could see the end of his rocker going back and forth. He began, “Bless me father, for I have sinned, it’s been 20 years since my last confession.” He said Fr. Hebert stopped in mid-rock and just said, “Then let’s make it a good one!” 🙂

Confession is a wonderful Sacrament! It’s like going to a hospital when you’re critically ill, and walking out a few minutes later, totally healed!
 
I’m famous for getting in the confessional and my mind going blank. I always feel bad, especially when I know others are waiting to go, and I’m in there saying “um…ummm…” I always end my confession with “im sorry for these sins and the sins of my whole life”. A priest once told me if I get stuck and my mind goes blank, just go through the 10 commandments in my head. If I do that, it opens the flood gates and I start remembering more and more. It’s always helped me. I’ve taken a list in there as well because I HATE when I forget something (even though I know if I truly forget it, it’s still absolved). Hope this helps!
 
Spirithound said:
If a sin is honestly forgotten, it is forgiven with absolution of the other sins.

You might like to share this examination of conscience with him: scborromeo.org/confess.htm
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Unconfessed mortal sins are still not forgiven though, you still have to go and confess them. Also if you haven’t mentioned how many times you commited that mortal sin
 
jayk15 said:
Unconfessed mortal sins are still not forgiven though, you still have to go and confess them. Also if you haven’t mentioned how many times you commited that mortal sin
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If you honestly have forgotten it then how can you confess it? Now if you do recall it after confession, Yes, you do need to confess it at your next confession. But techiclu it has already been forgiven.
 
I went to confession after a prolonged absence a few months ago, and I had a long list of mortal sins (about two or two and a half pages handwritten).

Anyway, I skipped over a few out of nervousness with the intention of going back to read those. I finished the list with the regular ending for confessing sins (“I ask pardon of God and penance and absolution from you Father”) than said “I have a few more here that I haven’t read.” But as I was going to read them, he asked me to recite the Act of Contrition. So moving on, I didn’t read them.

Was I forgiven? I ask because I’m going back to confession and am now thinking that maybe I should confess all those sins again.
 
You may or may not have been forgiven. Since it wasn’t intentional, I would say you were. However, even though you were possibly forgiven, you should still mention mortal sins that were not mentioned.

In your situation, I would briefly explain the situation to the priest and go from there. Best of luck! 👍
 
Always after you have confessed your sins say, “forgive me these and all my sins” as this will cover any you may have inadvertently forgot.
 
Yes, I agree. You probably were forgiven. I’ve had priests interrupt me to give advice before I’m done and I don’t wanna be rude and say “hey, I’m not done yet!”. Sometimes I genuinely forget what i was gonna say once the priest and I get off the subject discussing another situation, circumstance, intentions, etc…
I would explain the situation next confession. I’m sure it’s happened with others before 🙂
 
105lynne said:
I’ve had priests interrupt me to give advice before I’m done and I don’t wanna be rude and say “hey, I’m not done yet!”.
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I’ve done that a number of times, and now the priest asks me if I have finished.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
You should not be tracking his sins for him or telling him how often he should go to confession. Even with a young child, you can’t make them go to confession. And certainly not with an adult!
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:onpatrol: Excuse me, this just struck me as funny. I can’t remember my OWN stuff very well, to try to keep track of his would be impossible!
 
AnneTeresa said:
:onpatrol: Excuse me, this just struck me as funny. I can’t remember my OWN stuff very well, to try to keep track of his would be impossible!
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Very true! 😉 That’s what makes an good examine an invaluable aid!
 
jayk15 said:
Unconfessed mortal sins are still not forgiven though, you still have to go and confess them. Also if you haven’t mentioned how many times you commited that mortal sin
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They are forgiven, but they must be mentioned in the next confession.
 
its a bad thing to be too embarrest to confess and we can’t hide our sins from God.The CC teaches that we must confesss to a priest to be forgiven since that’s the way God wants it.We do commit sacriledge when we take the Eucharist with Mortal sin on our soul.Also we are require to go to confession 1 a year and confess our mortal sins.
 
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