R
ryecroft
Guest
It’s been a few years but there was a huge blow up situation with my MIL and SIL which we still have not recovered from. Prior to my SIL getting married, she asked me quite a few questions - and I spoke to her confidentially. She wanted to know why my husband and his parents wern’t close and I told her the best I knew. We attended the wedding and we stayed in touch. But one weekend she and my MIL went away for some retreat and for some reason she began asking my MIL questions and including a great deal of some of the privelidged information I and even some that my husband spoke to her about. Some of it had to do with why my husband joined the military as soon as he possibly could after high school and how upset this made his mom. Needless to say, this conversation they had exploded - atom bomb type of explosion. We didn’t know anything about this conversation and some others they had apparently had until we got this lovely letter from my MIL - and it wasn’t sent to my husband but to me and my SIL.
We wern’t sure what precipitated this e-mail letter but we soon found out about these conversations and talks the SIL and MIL had been having.
My husband told me not to talk with his mother and so I didn’t - I just forwarded the e-mails to him. Soon we came to realize that some things the SIL spoke to my MIL about and how she replayed some of the things we said caused this situation-she did eventually apologize for letting her curiosity get the better of her. Eventually I stopped speaking with the SIL as well - but she couldn’t quite accept that and began e-mailing me ever so often. Eventually she became pregnant and I thought I might be able to work on things for the sake of our the neice who eventually arrived but not befor we had a conversation which also wound up blowing up. And then it turned out that she was telling my husbands brother (my BIL) what happened but with a deffinate “spin” on it that used some bits of truth. I had made it clear that I didn’t want to hear from her again- So my husband (and I pretty much agreed) decided that cutting off all communications was best. We set it up so that a friend of ours would inform us of certain situations should they occur so we wouldn’t have to deal with any of them. A couple of years later I did respond to one of the SIL multiple e-mails which she sent for “sake of the family” - and I gave her an ultimatem - she could explain to her husband, she didn’t quite tell the truth about a number of things which of course made him not feel any closer to either myself or my husband. She said she would - and eventually that said she did, but her response was that “he wouldn’t believe me…” I mentioned that she should share some of the e-mails she had sent and/or that I had sent her- but she didn’t like that idea too much. At that point, I stopped contact with her again. Recently (during this last situation with SIL), I needed an answer to a question that only the MIL could answer -so I e-mailed her asking her the question - and then after the question she asked if we could talk a bit and it turned out that the reason she wrote that letter was because some of the things she had been told I did or said or that Joe did or said hadn’t quite been the truth - which in turn caused her to think that we really hated her and wanted to hurt her - which was not the case. My husband was warry because he felt hurt by some of the things his parents had done or said. When she explained some of what happened, I understood better and we made a promise that our relationship for the time being would not include anything to do with the SIL.
I must say, it does sadden me to have a neice that we never see or talk to and that my husband has basically lost his brother (all contact with anyway) because of some of the things that were said. But this is my husbands side of the family. I really did think things might turn the corner and that he and his mother might have some sort of reconciliation - especially after I tried to explain what his mom explained to me about much of the cause of the letter being sent. So this past Valentine’s day (although it didn’t arrieve until almost a few months later) -my husband got a card from his mother. He made it clear to me that he didn’t want to hear from her (she mentioned we had spoken in the card) - I guess I thought if he understood the cause of the nasty letter being sent that he might want to give it a try again but he says he has gotten hurt enough and he doesn’t want it to happen again because that’s what always happens - and he’s right there have been a lot of negative things that have happened with him and his mom especially - I don’t want to go into too many details but suffice to say there was some violence growing up. (continuted on next thread)
We wern’t sure what precipitated this e-mail letter but we soon found out about these conversations and talks the SIL and MIL had been having.
My husband told me not to talk with his mother and so I didn’t - I just forwarded the e-mails to him. Soon we came to realize that some things the SIL spoke to my MIL about and how she replayed some of the things we said caused this situation-she did eventually apologize for letting her curiosity get the better of her. Eventually I stopped speaking with the SIL as well - but she couldn’t quite accept that and began e-mailing me ever so often. Eventually she became pregnant and I thought I might be able to work on things for the sake of our the neice who eventually arrived but not befor we had a conversation which also wound up blowing up. And then it turned out that she was telling my husbands brother (my BIL) what happened but with a deffinate “spin” on it that used some bits of truth. I had made it clear that I didn’t want to hear from her again- So my husband (and I pretty much agreed) decided that cutting off all communications was best. We set it up so that a friend of ours would inform us of certain situations should they occur so we wouldn’t have to deal with any of them. A couple of years later I did respond to one of the SIL multiple e-mails which she sent for “sake of the family” - and I gave her an ultimatem - she could explain to her husband, she didn’t quite tell the truth about a number of things which of course made him not feel any closer to either myself or my husband. She said she would - and eventually that said she did, but her response was that “he wouldn’t believe me…” I mentioned that she should share some of the e-mails she had sent and/or that I had sent her- but she didn’t like that idea too much. At that point, I stopped contact with her again. Recently (during this last situation with SIL), I needed an answer to a question that only the MIL could answer -so I e-mailed her asking her the question - and then after the question she asked if we could talk a bit and it turned out that the reason she wrote that letter was because some of the things she had been told I did or said or that Joe did or said hadn’t quite been the truth - which in turn caused her to think that we really hated her and wanted to hurt her - which was not the case. My husband was warry because he felt hurt by some of the things his parents had done or said. When she explained some of what happened, I understood better and we made a promise that our relationship for the time being would not include anything to do with the SIL.
I must say, it does sadden me to have a neice that we never see or talk to and that my husband has basically lost his brother (all contact with anyway) because of some of the things that were said. But this is my husbands side of the family. I really did think things might turn the corner and that he and his mother might have some sort of reconciliation - especially after I tried to explain what his mom explained to me about much of the cause of the letter being sent. So this past Valentine’s day (although it didn’t arrieve until almost a few months later) -my husband got a card from his mother. He made it clear to me that he didn’t want to hear from her (she mentioned we had spoken in the card) - I guess I thought if he understood the cause of the nasty letter being sent that he might want to give it a try again but he says he has gotten hurt enough and he doesn’t want it to happen again because that’s what always happens - and he’s right there have been a lot of negative things that have happened with him and his mom especially - I don’t want to go into too many details but suffice to say there was some violence growing up. (continuted on next thread)