Misanthropy

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amateurthomist

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I think I’m having a struggle with charity or rather a lack of it. I seem to find that the more I talk to people, the more I generally dislike human beings. I don’t know what it is. But the Internet is not helping. I suspect that if this doesn’t change within me, then I will need to leave all forums and chat together. There are many questions I could ask. The one off the top of my head is, “Why are people so touchy?” The second, I guess, is “why do people take things so personally?” I suppose they are really the same question. Its hard to get into specifics without turning it into gossip about different posts and different forums. But, in real life, I’m considered quite a nice, congenial fellow. Online, I don’t act much differently, except that perhaps I am more forthright, but never rude. I argue my views from logic, scripture, and tradition, yet I find in various discussions I am flamed and attacked. I don’t get it. So here are two questions I have.

1.) What does one do to fight off struggles against lack of charity when one is dealing with people online?

2.) In the end, is the overall effect of online forums and chatting positive or negative?

I used to go into Yahoo “christian” and “catholic” chat a lot but I can’t go there anymore. It seems like its just an overwhelmingly negative place to be. I find many posts on these forums here interesting and entertaining. But even so, I’ve noticed in places that people (including the moderators) seem to be a bit touchy about things. Now, I don’t know if I just broke a rule here but I’m sure I’ll find out if I did.
 
Some random thoughts from one who has similar questions:
  • our communications with people in a forum setting like this one are one-dimensional. Communicating by the written word only presents a number of challenges, since we don’t have the added help of inflection, volume, and body language to help us interpret the message;
  • because of the relative anonymity of a forum or chat service, people will often be more assertive (aggressive) than they would in person;
  • the topics discussed here and in sites like this one are ones about which people have deep and lifelong beliefs. These matters are understood to be at the core of our existence and challenges to our beliefs tend to draw passionate responses;
  • we are wounded by sin and often are uncomfortable when we’re challenged to consider what we are doing, how we are behaving, and whether we live the way we say we believe. When that happens, we are tempted to become defensive.
  • there are, unfortunately, those who come into a discussion forum like this one with the principal intent of causing arguments or belittling the beliefs they don’t share. Troublemakers hide in the cloak of anonymity.
Of course, there are many other factors that contribute to the behavior you’ve observed. Keep several grains of salt handy. Use as needed.

Hope that helps.
 
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Servulus:
Some random thoughts from one who has similar questions:
  • our communications with people in a forum setting like this one are one-dimensional. Communicating by the written word only presents a number of challenges, since we don’t have the added help of inflection, volume, and body language to help us interpret the message;
  • because of the relative anonymity of a forum or chat service, people will often be more assertive (aggressive) than they would in person;
  • the topics discussed here and in sites like this one are ones about which people have deep and lifelong beliefs. These matters are understood to be at the core of our existence and challenges to our beliefs tend to draw passionate responses;
  • we are wounded by sin and often are uncomfortable when we’re challenged to consider what we are doing, how we are behaving, and whether we live the way we say we believe. When that happens, we are tempted to become defensive.
  • there are, unfortunately, those who come into a discussion forum like this one with the principal intent of causing arguments or belittling the beliefs they don’t share. Troublemakers hide in the cloak of anonymity.
Of course, there are many other factors that contribute to the behavior you’ve observed. Keep several grains of salt handy. Use as needed.

Hope that helps.
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Thanks, wise words. And I am not claiming to be perfect or innocent by the way. I am assertive no doubt. Also, I am an academic and though I take things seriously, I don’t take the personal positions that people hold personally. I guess I am used to being involved in intense discussions/debates in real life and so that doesn’t bother me and I tend to like to get right to the point.

I will pray though that God will help me to be prudent and sensitive.
 
Amateurhomist: I believe Jean Paul Sartre wrote that “Hell is other people.” He was right. I pray every day to be able to withstand the abuses of others and to turn the other cheek when such sabusive situations arise. There are plenty of people like that on the internet, where people tend to act out under pseudonyms and use it as a cover for their often disgusting behavior. Dealing with people will be one of the toughest things you’ll ever have to do. You’re in my prayers, for what it’s worth.
 
Was it Mark Twain who said that 90% of everything is (substitute the offensive word of your choice.)?
I don’t expect much from people, but am very often pleasantly surprised on these forums. I’ve seen people being very compassionate, wise, and helpful – trying to be, even when they don’t succeed.
I have to agree with Anne Frank, who said she believed that people were really good at heart.

Keep in mind that many people don’t know how to discuss a topic without getting personal. Logic is a closed book to many. So you’re ahead of the game, but should try to resist the urge to point out the errors of the rest of us. It’s hard for me too, when I’m turn between showing off my immense wisdom and being charitable.
 
I have a couple of random thoughts for you, too.

First, the faults we perceive in others are very often our own faults, too. A practical examination of conscience is to look around you and see what irritates you about others, then ask yourself if it could possibly be true of you. In my own experience, the answer is very often affirmative. I don’t know you at all, so I’m not saying you are touchy and take things personally - just suggesting that you ask yourself.

Second, when I post on these forums, I try to remember that whatever goes up here stays forever. All kinds of people will read it, including lots of anonymous lurkers seeking real answers to their questions about ultimate truths and making judgments about the Catholic Church based on the behavior of the members. This helps me refrain from putting up the snippy, sarcastic things that spring to mind as a reaction to some things I read. I try to make everything I post be friendly and helpful and accurate, so that if I were to stumble on it years from now, I would not be ashamed.

If I really, really feel the need to give a snippy, sarcastic, or other strong response to someone - one that I wouldn’t like to have on my conscience now and haunting me in the future - I hit the reply button, type in my nasty response, hit the preview button, enjoy it on the screen, then DELETE it! It’s surprisingly satisfying.

Betsy
 
Sometimes finding Jesus in others takes a lot of concentration.

Deacon Tony
 
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amateurthomist:
I am an academic and …I tend to like to get right to the point.
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  1. I’ll second the earlier post about online communication involving words. It only gives part of the full meaning (“It ain’t what you say, but the way that you say it.”). Therefore, misunderstandings come easily, and people can be set off.
Isn’t it interesting that little e-motive “faces” have come about to try and mitigate this effect?
  1. The advice to check your own sensitivity may be on target. On the other hand, have you ever taken a Myers-Briggs personality evalution? This test puts people into one of two buckets in each of four categories. One category is Thinking/Feeling. Thinkers let their decisions ruled by logic, Feelers by emotions. Thinkers tend to put little or no worth in emotions. By your boiled-down quote above, I’ll bet that you’re a Thinker who is frustrated by bunch of Feelers. Not a misanthrope.
However, if you are in danger of committing sins against charity, log off and find something else to do.😉
 
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Steve-o:
Amateurhomist: I believe Jean Paul Sartre wrote that “Hell is other people.” He was right. I pray every day to be able to withstand the abuses of others and to turn the other cheek when such sabusive situations arise. There are plenty of people like that on the internet, where people tend to act out under pseudonyms and use it as a cover for their often disgusting behavior. Dealing with people will be one of the toughest things you’ll ever have to do. You’re in my prayers, for what it’s worth.
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Thanks Steve, God bless you.
 
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baltobetsy:
I have a couple of random thoughts for you, too.

If I really, really feel the need to give a snippy, sarcastic, or other strong response to someone - one that I wouldn’t like to have on my conscience now and haunting me in the future - I hit the reply button, type in my nasty response, hit the preview button, enjoy it on the screen, then DELETE it! It’s surprisingly satisfying.

Betsy
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Now there’s an idea. I just might try this. And you are right, I am not innocent by any means. Sarcasm is a temptation of mine.
 
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