Mixed Catholic Wedding Witness Statements

[marywarfield]

My son is planning his Catholic wedding with his non
Catholic girlfriend this year. He tells me both sets
of parents will be receiving witness statements
in advance to fill out. Well it’s been thirty years
since my wedding and I don’t remember what
these are. Can anyone tell me what type of
question are on these statements, I.e. legal age to
marry questions or spiritual impediment types
of questions? Thank you.

 

[1ke]

Sounds like something the diocese uses during the premarital investigation of freedom to marry. You will have to wait until you get it, this is not a standardized item. The questions/information would be whatever their bishop has established in his diocese.

 

[marywarfield]

Sounds like something the diocese uses during the premarital investigation of freedom to marry. You will have to wait until you get it, this is not a standardized item. The questions/information would be whatever their bishop has established in his diocese.

I found it online in his diocese and confirmed my
worst fears. Now the question is do I answer the
questions in which of two ways: the reality of what
has been evidenced to me thus far or
with the idea that there is always hope I guess…
My husband says we simply state what we know
so far. But if I do that, I could end up alienating
my son altogether. But saying that perhaps
the grace of God is all potent in sacramental terms
and everything will be well down the line is not
actually stretching the truth and is a more positive
way to go.
My conscience says leave it all in the hands of God.
But if asked do I think this marriage is a good idea,
this moment, I would have to say no.
I just landed in the Garden of Olives again.

 

[Gorgias]

It’ll probably ask you what your relationship to the groom is, and how long you’ve known him. If there’s any doubt about his baptism, they’ll ask the date and location of the baptism. They’ll also probably ask whether he’s ever been married before (Church, civil, or any other kind of ceremony), and if there are any reasons that you know of that they shouldn’t be married…

 

[1ke]

I found it online in his diocese and confirmed my worst fears. Now the question is do I answer the questions in which of two ways: the reality of what has been evidenced to me thus far or with the idea that there is always hope I guess…

You answer honestly. You state facts.

You do not answer questions with what you “hope” will transpire. You simply answer with what you know.

 

[Gorgias]

But if asked do I think this marriage is a good idea,
this moment, I would have to say no.
I just landed in the Garden of Olives again.

I don’t think that they’ll ask if this marriage is a ‘good idea.’ Instead, they might ask whether there are any causes that they shouldn’t get married. If you know that they don’t intend what the Church intends by marriage (for example, indissolubility, fidelity), that’s one thing; if, on the other hand, you only suspect something, or if you are simply anxious, then that’s entirely another thing.

Just answer the questions honestly. If you’re concerned that your answers might not be held confidentially, contact the priest who is preparing them for marriage and talk with him about your concerns about confidentiality and perhaps about the upcoming wedding.

 

[boomerang]

They will ask you if you know if the person in question has ever been married before, if they are baptized, and if you know if the person has mental issues. They will ask if the person is being coerced into marrying against his/her will.

 

[IrishAm]

Honestly answer the question that is asked, but don’t go beyond the question that is asked. And, if you don’t know FOR SURE, do not elaborate, simply say you don’t know. Even if you could make a pretty good bet.

 

[Laura_N]

Some friends of mine got married earlier this year and their parents had to fill out the same type of forms and both the bride and groom we’re Catholic so I doubt it has anything to do with your son marrying a non-Catholic. It’s just something some churches do. It’s pretty much just asking if either party has been married before, if their open to having children…basically all the things you need to have to be married in the church. It doesn’t ask your opinion on the situation.

 

[marywarfield]

Sounds like something the diocese uses during the premarital investigation of freedom to marry. You will have to wait until you get it, this is not a standardized item. The questions/information would be whatever their bishop has established in his diocese.

Honestly answer the question that is asked, but don’t go beyond the question that is asked. And, if you don’t know FOR SURE, do not elaborate, simply say you don’t know. Even if you could make a pretty good bet.

The form asks do I know of any possible impediment such as disparity
of cult, etc?
I have been given three answers by the girl’s mother and herself just on
baptism: not baptized, was baptized but mom can’t remember where,
grandparents in Europe say in a Lutheran church. Is it possible for me
do you think to ask the priest if he ever got a certificate? If he did then
I can erase my memory of that.

The girl has told me variously that she is: a an atheist and b. believes
in God or a “higher being”.

She is adamently pro birth control, lukewarm on abortion, believes homosexuality
is not a sin (which to be fair to her if she has no religious inclination at all
is not an unreasonable stance).

She is not particularly interested in having any children and any discussion
of it upsets both her and her mother.

The only time in seven years I attempted to ask any of these questions
or to reassure both her and her mother ad nauseum there was no conversion
required by the Church the girl blew up, attacked me and threw myself
and my husband out if her house in the middle of the night. Lol.
we had driven up to her state to celebrate my son’s birthday which did not
happen. That was a year ago and I just spoke with her briefly a week ago
for the first time and was careful not to mention church or wedding either
one. Lol. Just not up to a repeat event.

They have been together a long long time. He just proposed a year and a half ago.

So do I know of impediments 1. Of cult?
2. Impediments in her ability to fulfill her role
as wife and mother according to c1063?

See my problem?

 

[marywarfield]

The form asks do I know of any possible impediment such as disparity
of cult, etc?
I have been given three answers by the girl’s mother and herself just on
baptism: not baptized, was baptized but mom can’t remember where,
grandparents in Europe say in a Lutheran church. Is it possible for me
do you think to ask the priest if he ever got a certificate? If he did then
I can erase my memory of that.

The girl has told me variously that she is: a an atheist and b. believes
in God or a “higher being”.

She is adamently pro birth control, lukewarm on abortion, believes homosexuality
is not a sin (which to be fair to her if she has no religious inclination at all
is not an unreasonable stance).

She is not particularly interested in having any children and any discussion
of it upsets both her and her mother.

The only time in seven years I attempted to ask any of these questions
or to reassure both her and her mother ad nauseum there was no conversion
required by the Church the girl blew up, attacked me and threw myself
and my husband out if her house in the middle of the night. Lol.
we had driven up to her state to celebrate my son’s birthday which did not
happen. That was a year ago and I just spoke with her briefly a week ago
for the first time and was careful not to mention church or wedding either
one. Lol. Just not up to a repeat event.

They have been together a long long time. He just proposed a year and a half ago.

So do I know of impediments 1. Of cult?
2. Impediments in her ability to fulfill her role
as wife and mother according to c1063?

See my problem?

In fact I thought Canon 1063 was directed to the pastor and his obligation
to properly prepare the bride. Why am I even being asked that?

 

[felsguy]

The form asks do I know of any possible impediment such as disparity
of cult, etc?
I have been given three answers by the girl’s mother and herself just on
baptism: not baptized, was baptized but mom can’t remember where,
grandparents in Europe say in a Lutheran church. Is it possible for me
do you think to ask the priest if he ever got a certificate? If he did then
I can erase my memory of that.

The girl has told me variously that she is: a an atheist and b. believes
in God or a “higher being”.

She is adamently pro birth control, lukewarm on abortion, believes homosexuality
is not a sin (which to be fair to her if she has no religious inclination at all
is not an unreasonable stance).

She is not particularly interested in having any children and any discussion
of it upsets both her and her mother.

The only time in seven years I attempted to ask any of these questions
or to reassure both her and her mother ad nauseum there was no conversion
required by the Church the girl blew up, attacked me and threw myself
and my husband out if her house in the middle of the night. Lol.
we had driven up to her state to celebrate my son’s birthday which did not
happen. That was a year ago and I just spoke with her briefly a week ago
for the first time and was careful not to mention church or wedding either
one. Lol. Just not up to a repeat event.

They have been together a long long time. He just proposed a year and a half ago.

So do I know of impediments 1. Of cult?
2. Impediments in her ability to fulfill her role
as wife and mother according to c1063?

See my problem?

Dear lady

In reading your post, a couple of questions came to mind? I’ll list them, not with the idea that you should answer them here and not to pass any judgment on anyone but in the hopes that it might help you deal with the difficulty facing you.

What does your son think of all this? Is he not aware of what the Church requires for a valid marriage? Is he not aware of his fiancee’s stance on the critical issues? Does he intend to deceive the priest about this and expect you to be a party to the deception? If this were to be his attitude, why would attempting this marriage in the Church be of any interest to him in the first place? And how would it attempting it in the Church under these circumstances be any better than pursuing a civil marriage outside the Church?

Please note that I am no authority on this matter but I agree with what others here have advised, namely, answer honestly what you know and not what you think, guess, or hope. It strikes me that you are not being asked to determine whether this marriage may be performed in the Church but rather are providing information to assist the priest in making that determination.

As a parent of two sons, each in a “relationship” that I dearly wish were otherwise, I can understand the concern you have about not alienating you son. I simply pose a final question, again which I am not suggesting you should answer here: if in fact you are asked “do you think this is a good marriage,” given the events of the past years as you have described them, what would your son expect your honest answer to be?

I pray that God will guide and console you through this difficult time.

 

[quiet52]

OP, please be honest and candid about your observations when you complete the form.

It is better for you to fill out this form than the “witness” form you’ll have to complete if the couple divorces and your son files a petition for nullity: gbdioc.org/images/stories/Main_Links/What_the_church_can_do/Family_Marriage_Relationships/Annulment/pdf/familyAnnulWitness.pdf

As another poster has noted, you can speak with the priest about maintaining confidentiality. Your information is vital in helping the priest to properly prepare the couple for their marriage, or to help them discern or acknowledge their lack of understanding of what the sacrament of Matrimony means.

 

[Gorgias]

I have been given three answers by the girl’s mother and herself just on baptism: not baptized, was baptized but mom can’t remember where,
grandparents in Europe say in a Lutheran church. Is it possible for me
do you think to ask the priest if he ever got a certificate?

He wouldn’t necessarily need a certificate – affidavits signed by witnesses to the baptism would suffice. So, there’s no need to worry about this: others will attest (or defer to attest) to this, and that will be what the priest uses to establish the facts. Your info is just hearsay anyway, right?

She is adamently pro birth control, lukewarm on abortion, believes homosexuality
is not a sin

Which is not at issue here, for the validity of the marriage. Of course, if they contracept throughout their marriage, there might be the question as to whether it was ever properly consummated, but that’s a different story…

She is not particularly interested in having any children

And this is something that she will be asked during her interview with the priest. You might consider raising it in your answers – that it’s your understanding that she wishes to never have children – but strictly speaking, she’ll have that opportunity to speak to the priest about this issue.

The only time in seven years I attempted to ask any of these questions
or to reassure both her and her mother ad nauseum there was no conversion
required by the Church the girl blew up, attacked me and threw myself
and my husband out if her house in the middle of the night.

This story, also, is outside the scope of what the priest will be asking you to state. In fact, it might establish in his mind the notion that you bear a grudge against your future daughter-in-law. I’d leave this story out of your response.

So do I know of impediments 1. Of cult?

Nope. It’s up to the priest to determine whether this is a case of mixed marriage or disparity of cult. Unless he sends you a form about her, it’s not something that you can answer, since you cannot witness to her baptism. All you can establish, if it’s necessary to do so, is that your son is a baptized Catholic.

1. Impediments in her ability to fulfill her role as wife and mother according to c1063?

Nope; as you mention, can. 1063 discusses the pastor’s responsibilities, not the mother-in-law’s…

See my problem?

Not exactly. Unless you’re being given two sets of questionnaires – one about your son, and another about your future daughter-in-law – then all you’re being asked to comment upon is your son’s fitness for marriage: whether there’s a disparity of cult based on his situation or any previous marriages that you know about. You might add a comment that it is your understanding that they are or will be contracepting, but again, that’s more relevant to the priest’s assessment of your future daughter-in-law vis-a-vis his discussion with her…

 

[Gorgias]

OP, please be honest and candid about your observations when you complete the form.

It is better for you to fill out this form than the “witness” form you’ll have to complete if the couple divorces and your son files a petition for nullity

Oh, brother! She’s being asked to fill out a form in preparation for marriage, and your advice is that she should ignore that form and instead fill out a family witness form for a nullity case? That’s not good advice…!!!

 

[Phemie]

Oh, brother! She’s being asked to fill out a form in preparation for marriage, and your advice is that she should ignore that form and instead fill out a family witness form for a nullity case? That’s not good advice…!!!

That’s not what she said!

 

[marywarfield]

This is very helpful. Don’t give up on me here.
Lol. Yes the form does ask me about canon 1063
and I’m sure the Diocese in its wisdom is not
asking me to evaluate the efforts of the pastor-
a job review so to speak lol. So when it is physically
in my hands I will trot that question over to my
parish priest to understand it I guess.
Sadly my husband and I have already jumped
ahead to statements in a tribunal down the road.
obviously neither of us have much faith in the
staying power of the marriage. So when filling
out this marriage form we are keeping in mind
that it might end up in an annulment
tribunal later. I understand completely what that
poster’s thoughts were as they are mine as well.
…I really need to sit my son down and have
THIS conversation here about this form with him instead. I just
honestly, don’t have the nerve. Breaks my
heart, I hate to hurt him but there it is.

 

[marywarfield]

Well ok then. During Mass this morning it came to
me I was putting too much of myself into this. What
I want and like and dislike and I need to back
way out and when the time comes just give
yes and no answers and nothing more. Trust in
my son and the Church to do the right thing.
It also occurred in the middle of Communion
the thought that God might even favor the girl with
a direct lightening hit of conversion. Disconcerting
that as I unfortunately was giggling when I received
the Host but you know? It’s been known to happen.
Thank you everybody but I think my kid would
be better off if I just went off and nagged his sister
for awhile instead. I’m sure I’ll find something to
worry about over there. Lol.