Mixed marrige and convalidation

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julieanne

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Hello! I am hoping to find some answers so I will jump right in.

My husband and I have been married 8 years. We are both baptised christians, however, I am a practicing Catholic and he is now a non-practicing Baptist, with no urge to convert. We were married by his then Baptist preacher not in the Catholic church. My Pastor knows this. We are going to have our marrige blessed in the Catholic church. What does this entail. I have been receiving Communion. By my own studues I have learned that I maybe should not be partaking in this Sacrement. Is that true? Also, we have a 7year old daughter. Out of respect for my husbands beliefs (however unpracticed) our daughter has yet to be baptised. Our pastor new this also. She has expressed the wanting to accept the Catholic faith. She goes to Catholic school with her fathers blessing. She will be baptised and make her first communion this May. I guess I need to know if our marrige needs to be convalidated before our daughter can recieve these sacrements.
I am very confused and maybe not as good of a Catholic as I thought I was. I appreciate any help! Thank you
 
Here’s the official Church teaching: If one of you were a baptised Catholic at the time of your marriage (which I am assuming you were), then your marriage is not considered valid by the Church. That being the case if you are not living with your husband as brother and sister, you are comitting the sin of fornication. This is the reason that you should not receive the Eucharist prior to convalidation. So you have two choices in this matter: either stop receiving the Eucharist, or go to Confession and refrain from relations with your husband until your convalidation. I would recommend the latter, if it would not put too much strain on your marriage.

Regarding your daughter, you do not have to have your marriage convalidated before she is baptised. So long as there is “well founded hope” that she will be raised in the Catholic faith she may be baptised.
 
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julieanne:
Hello! I am hoping to find some answers so I will jump right in.

My husband and I have been married 8 years. We are both baptised christians, however, I am a practicing Catholic and he is now a non-practicing Baptist, with no urge to convert. We were married by his then Baptist preacher not in the Catholic church. My Pastor knows this. We are going to have our marrige blessed in the Catholic church. What does this entail. I have been receiving Communion. By my own studues I have learned that I maybe should not be partaking in this Sacrement. Is that true? Also, we have a 7year old daughter. Out of respect for my husbands beliefs (however unpracticed) our daughter has yet to be baptised. Our pastor new this also. She has expressed the wanting to accept the Catholic faith. She goes to Catholic school with her fathers blessing. She will be baptised and make her first communion this May. I guess I need to know if our marrige needs to be convalidated before our daughter can recieve these sacrements.
I am very confused and maybe not as good of a Catholic as I thought I was. I appreciate any help! Thank you
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The status of your Marriage does not directly effect your daughters Baptism and First Holy Communion. Only indirectly in that the pastor needs some assurance that she will be educated and encouraged in the practice of the Catholic Faith.

It is correct that you should not be receiving Holy Communion until the Marriage is regularized. You also need to remember that you must receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the Convalidation, for the Convalidation to supply the Graces of the Sacrament of Marriage.
 
Thank you for your help. I am wondering why my pastor has not said anything to me about recieveing Communion. When my husband and I talked with him he said that as long as niether of us had been married before we do not have a big problem. Could this be because we live in a VERY rural area and our church is a mission church? Our pastor is the pastor of two other churches.

He actually took very well to the fact that our daughter was not baptised out of respect for my husband and his families beliefs. I was very blunt with our pastor. I told him that I was raising her Cathollic and we attend church regularly, but I did not think that God would condemn her if anything were to happen to her. I spent 12 years in Catholic school and it was taught that God is an all loving God.

In our area there are very few people who are Catholic. It is predominantly Baptist. Can you tell me why a marriage between two non baptised people is considered valid, but in my situation it is not? We were married by a Christian.

Thank you again for your knowledge!
julie
 
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julieanne:
Thank you for your help. I am wondering why my pastor has not said anything to me about recieveing Communion. When my husband and I talked with him he said that as long as niether of us had been married before we do not have a big problem. Could this be because we live in a VERY rural area and our church is a mission church? Our pastor is the pastor of two other churches.

He actually took very well to the fact that our daughter was not baptised out of respect for my husband and his families beliefs. I was very blunt with our pastor. I told him that I was raising her Cathollic and we attend church regularly, but I did not think that God would condemn her if anything were to happen to her. I spent 12 years in Catholic school and it was taught that God is an all loving God.

In our area there are very few people who are Catholic. It is predominantly Baptist. Can you tell me why a marriage between two non baptised people is considered valid, but in my situation it is not? We were married by a Christian.

Thank you again for your knowledge!
julie
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A non-baptized man and a non-baptized woman can only have a natural marriage. Jesus Christ elevated natural marriage to a Sacrament. A baptized man and a baptized woman can only have a sacramental marriage. If one party is baptized and the other is not then they can only have a natural marriage.

For a Catholic to have a valid marriage the Catholic must, among other things, follow the Catholic form of marriage unless dispensed or permission is given by the bishop for a non-Catholic form (for example to be married in a Baptish church.) The Catholic Church has jurisdiction over its members not others. If two Baptists (a baptized man and a baptized woman) were to marry then their marriage would be a valid sacramental marriage.
 
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julieanne:
I told him that I was raising her Cathollic and we attend church regularly, but I did not think that God would condemn her if anything were to happen to her. I spent 12 years in Catholic school and it was taught that God is an all loving God.

julie
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However God does give us the means (Baptism) to wash away Original sin and make us His adopted children. If we fail to use those means given to us. Like parents failing to have their children Baptized it is not God’s fault! Remembering no one has a right to Salvation.
 
Br. Rich SFO:
However God does give us the means (Baptism) to wash away Original sin and make us His adopted children. If we fail to use those means given to us. Like parents failing to have their children Baptized it is not God’s fault! Remembering no one has a right to Salvation.
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Amen. Baptism actually does something. It is not merely symbolic. God gives us so many gifts and offers us additional gifts as well. God wants to draw close to us through His Sacramental means through the Church. The devil does not want us to respond and draw close to God Almighty. Sadly, many confuse the gifts that God offers with the devil. The devil wants to tell us the God is not good and not to accept His gifts. Fortunately, many people ignore the “advice” of the Liar.
 
Julieanne,

Talk to your priest, and your husband, the Rite of Convalidation is quite beautiful and once the proper dispensations are granted is easily done. My husband and I are in RCIA, He had not received the sacrament of Confirmation yet, and I am/was converting from the United Methodist faith. We participated in the Rite of Convalidation last night, it was so beautiful. We will now be able to recieve Confirmation together when the bishop comes in April.

The Rite itsself is a wedding, and a chance to restate your commitment to one another and to God. Talk to your husband about it, let him know how much your faith means to you, and then go see your Priest about getting the dispensations.

Peace be with you,
Jamie
 
Julieanne & others,

I hope it is not bad form to jump into this. My husband is beign converted Catholic. Because the religion we both used to belong to is not recognized as being in communion with the Catholic church, I’m told we need to convalidate.

Personally, I don’t care whether the Catholic church sanctions our marriage or not. But I suspect there may be repercussions in my husband’s practice of Catholicism if it is not. Is that so? If so, what?

Additionally, I’m interested in what I might need to do as part of this convalidation. If it doesn’t directly conflict with my own beliefs and needs, I will likely go along with it.

On a personal note, I’m distressed that the priest did not make an effort to speak with us both about it, and instead left it to my husband to tell me that I need to do something for him. 😛
 
Dawn,

The Rite of Convalidation is quite beautiful, it infers the sacramental grace on a marriage. My husband and I received the sacrament of Martimony in this way just a couple of weeks ago. My husband was raised Catholic, but had not received the sacrament of Confirmation, and fell away from his faith, he has recently rediscovered his faith, and joined me in the RCIA process. For either of us to receive any Sacraments in a Catholic Church we needed to have our marriage blessed which is what the Rite of Convalidation does.

You and your husband will be asked to fill out a little bit of paperwork, and provide a couple of documents (baptism certificates, marriage certificate, etc.). The Priest will probably want to meet with both of you and ask you a few questions. Copies of everything will be sent to the archdiocese so that a dispensation may be granted. Once the dispensation is granted, then you will have to talk to the priest again about when the Rite will be performed, will it be part of a Mass, or a private ceremony and how elaborate you want it to be.

My husband and I asked for ours to be done during an Evening Mass on the 3rd of February, and it was, and it was beautiful! We had a few parishoners there who had come to Mass to have their throats blessed. The Rite itsself seemed no different than many of the weddings I’ve attended, except that ours was quite a bit simpler than most weddings (i.e. no expensive flowers, dresses, nothing draped in tulle).

Had we not had our marriage convalidated, we would still be living in a perpetual state of mortal sin, and we would not be able to receive any sacraments. We are now able to be confirmed with our class.

Do not be distressed about Father leaving it to your husband to discuss this with you. My husband and I each have had meetings with our priest that has ended with us needing to discuss something with each other. Sometimes it is easier for only one of us to meet with him and ask questions than it is for both of us, it usually gets a lot more questions answered.

Nothing about this should conflict with your beliefs or needs, but it will mean so much more to your husband, because if left undone, it will conflict with his beliefs and needs.

Peace be with you,
Jamie
 
I’ve gathered that if a dispensation is granted, the ceremony of convalidation is not necessary. If that’s the case, that is what I would prefer.
 
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dawnicamar:
I’ve gathered that if a dispensation is granted, the ceremony of convalidation is not necessary. If that’s the case, that is what I would prefer.
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That would be correct if both of you are free to marry and entered Marriage validly in the religion you each belonged to at the time of the Marriage. In the Catholic Church all Marriages that appear valid are presumed so unless proven otherwise.
 
Everything you wanted to know about Catholic marriage, mixed marriages, convalidation, impediments, are available through a new website offered by the archdiocese of Chicago.
www.inthespiritofcana.org

just write in the search column what you are interested in learning about. The requirements may minimally be different between dioceses but you will get the canon law requirements clearly and succinctly. God bless you.
 
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