Molestation and forgiveness

[benicetoall]

Over a decade ago I was a victim of molestation by a trusted family member (who…in fact…went to church regularly with my family). I suffered deep depression and anxiety due to the trauma. (I have since spent many years in therapy and am at a much better state than I once was.) At the time I asked my family priest what to do, he replied “forgive and forget”. How can I forgive a man who purposely assaulted me and does not really feel badly about it? How can I forget incidents that still haunt me in my dreams at night? To this day I am incredibly hurt by those words. The effects of molestation never go away and it is impossible to “forget” no matter how much therapy a person has. Part of the trauma changes you. As for forgiving…I try very hard to be nice to everyone…to give everyone a chance. I gave this man a chance to seek therapy so that this would not happen to someone else. He chose not to so I prosecuted him through the military. To this day I cannot forgive him. If he had apologized, been remorseful, or even had the slightest idea of what he has done to my life then I could possibly change my opinion. Until then I will continue to greatly dislike this man. I am posting this so that all can see the reality of molestation and how it is not easy to forgive, and impossible to forget. If any of you are working with those that have been assaulted in some way (by molestation or rape) please listen rather than passing the message that the priest passed on to me. Thank you for hearing me out.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Thank you for sharing. I have also experienced sexual abuse though not to the extent that you have experienced it by any means. Forgive and forget through prayer, particularly the Most Holy Rosary. I am a very healthy and happy person most of the time and seek to continue my education and get married. I say the Joyful, Sorrowful, and Glorious mysteries daily, the Litany of Humility, the Angelus, the Ave Maria Stella, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and the Memorae.

I regularly read spiritual reading on a daily basis. Sometimes I pray even more than the above listed amount, particularly at 3:00 - the Crucifixion hour when great graces are released to manking - and at nights when I cannot sleep.

See this list below of required (in my non-humble opinion ) for a devout spiritual faith-filled Catholic life capable of working real-life and verifiable miracles in this day and age.

Polish Saint Maximilian Maria studied philosophy, theology, mathematics, and physics as a college student, before earning a doctorate in philosophy and a doctorate in theology in Rome, while suffering from tuberculosis. He became a priest, changed his name to Maria from Kolbe to venerate the Immaculate Heart of Mary, sheltered 2,000 Jews in his friary during the Holocaust, and when taken to the Auschwitz concentration camp offered to die in place of another man since that man had family and he did not as an abstinent fiar. During his time in the cell, he led the men in songs and prayer. Finally, after three weeks of dehydration and starvation, he was injected with carbolic acid and died. He is reported on the Jewish Virtual Library as Righteous Among the Nations. It shows that no matter how dire the situation God can continue to strengthen us. jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/biography/Kolbe.html.He founded Slaves of the Immaculata, www.consecration.com. More information: acatholiclife.blogspot.com/2005/09/st-maximilian-kolbe.html

St. Louis Mary de Montfort also wrote, The Secret of the Rosary, which explains the origin and name, prayers, mysteries, marvelous effects, proper dispositions, ways to combat distractions and pray the Rosary effectively, and Confraternities (so you can have the benefit of other people’s Rosaries as well) of the Most Holy Rosary.

Someone once wrote of this book, *“Possibly the finest book ever written about the Rosary; appeals to all ages. Shows the great spiritual power of the Rosary, which is appreciated by few.” *Pope John Paul II was also consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary in the method of St. Louis Mary de Montfort. St. Padre Pio, who said, “The Rosary is The WEAPON”, said as many as 90 rosaries a day in a special form for which he received ecclesiastical permission. Father Thomas Euteneur, President of Human Life International, cites this in The Rosary Batters the Gates of Hell hli.org/sl_2008-10-03.html

**Seven Steps related to Deliverance (take with a grain of salt) ** saint-mike.org/spcdc/SelfHelp/SevenSteps.asp

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of May, pray for us!
For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Online Adoration of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament louisville-catholic.net/WebCameras/AdorationChapel/tabid/825/Default.aspx
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin fisheaters.com/totalconsecrationmontfort.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Reflections on True Devotion to Mary by His Holiness Pope John Paul II http://www.michaeljournal.org/montfort.htm
**The Glories of Mary, ** by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains Hail Holy Queen http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/glories.htm
On the Dolors of Mary by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains the sufferings of Our Lady http://writer.zoho.com/public/immaculate/Seven-dolors
Marialis Cultus (Apostolic Exhortation for the Right Ordering and Development of Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary of His Holiness, February 2, 1974 by His Holiness Pope Paul VI ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/P6MARIAL.HTM
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.
Divine Mercy Chaplet ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm
Rosary Confraternity Enrollment rosary-center.org/nconform.htm (As Pope Leo XIII said in his encyclical on the Confraternity, *“Whenever a person fulfills his obligation of reciting the Rosary according to the rule of the Confraternity, he includes in his intentions all its members and they render him the same service many times over.” * Each member includes deceased fellow members as well; and thus he knows that in turn he will be included in the prayers of hundreds of thousands both now and hereafter.
Cathechism of the Catholic Church vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm
Litany of Humility ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm
**Litany of the Blessed Virgin ** intermirifica.org/Mary/marylitany.htm
**Cathechis of the Popes on Mary, Mother of God, ** catechesisofthepopes.wikispaces.com/Mary
Mystical City of God themostholyrosary.com/mystical-city.htm
In Defense of The City of God Mystica Civitate Dei: dailycatholic.org/issue/05Jun/jun10tim.htm - to summarize the research of three priests on the official decision of the Holy Roman Catholic Church regarding The Mystical City of God by Venerable Mary of Jesus of Agreda and to ascertain thereby whether it is permitted for anyone of any authority whatsoever to forbid the reading of this extraordinary book.
The Way of the Cross by St. Josemaria Escriva escrivaworks.org/book/the_way_of_the_cross-point-4.htm
Rosarium Virginis Mariae by His Holiness Pope John Paul II: To the Bishops, Clergy, and Faithful on the Most Holy Rosary vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20021016_rosarium-virginis-mariae_en.html
Violence of Love plough.com/ebooks/ViolenceOfLove.html

 

[benicetoall]

Thank you for your reply. One thing I did want to mention is that had I, in fact, listened to the priest’s advice I would’ve forgotten the events and ultimately not prosecuted the molester. Had I not prosecuted him through the military (the DA couldn’t take the case due to statute of limitations) he would be around most likely believing that what he did to me was alright to do to others. Since the military got involved and prosecuted him I believe that he will not attempt to abuse any others. I bring this up because, although forgiveness and moving on are important, it is also extremely important to report all incidents as soon as possible. People who assault and abuse others need to be stopped. God may lay his judgment on them in the end, but that does not mean we should forgive and forget while continuing to allow new abuses to occur.