Mommy with an M.A.?

[TreeHugger]

Hi everyone,
My fiancee and I are planning on marrying next summer. He will be beginning grad school, and i will have one year left of my undergrad. Needless to say, we anticipate babies soon after. At this point, I am seriously considering grad school (2 year program), but i was just wondering…did any of you complete grad school, possibly part time, with one or more children? There’s another catch…I would probably have to finish my grad degree (part time or not) in 2 years, because we may be travelling for his Ph D.
Thanks for your help!

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I may not be able to answer the exact question you posted, but I can tell you this. I got my masters just before getting married, then worked for two years in my field of study, paying back my loans. We used NFP to avoid children until then. Then I quit to raise the kids. I still regret using NFP for so long. I don’t think I was most concerned with God’s will for me, but more with my worldly responsibilities (loans, making use of my degree). I think I should have just worked for those two years (instead of getting my masters), made some money, then gotten married and pregnant sooner. My perspective has certainly changed.

My advice to you is to prayerfully consider how much you really NEED to have your graduate degree. It will cost significant time away from whatever kids you have at that time. As someone who stays at home with the kids, there is no amount of extra time I could imagine being away from them, especially when they’re so little. It will also help yopur marriage if you and your husband are not too stressed to be good spouses to each other too.

A graduate degree will also cost money. If you take out loans, will you have to work more hours (or more years) to pay them back? Will this require you to be away from your family more than you thought? The money spent on your degree, and the money you’re not making from employment at that time adds up to a lot. Consider your families finances, and how that will affect things like college savings.

I got my degree partly to have it when my kids were grown when I might go back to work. However, now I wonder if I’ll even go into that field when they are grown. Plenty of women go back to school later in life when they know exactly what they want to study.

On the other hand, if you know right now that this is the only way for you and your husband to be able to support your future family in a dignified way, then you may need to do it.

On the other other hand (I think I have 4 hands by now), you may or may not be blessed with children right away.You may want to study as far as you can until you do get pregnant.

God bless you in your decision.

 

[Catholic2003]

Finishing a graduate degree that requires a thesis or dissertation is very nearly impossible with small children. In a way, it is partly a self-fulfilling prophecy as the faculty won’t really expect you to finish, and thus won’t push you to work hard enough to actually finish.

 

[karisue]

I’m probably going to get flamed for this, but here’s my story:

I quit grad school to have two babies in quick succession. I love my children to pieces, but found the transition from childlessness to motherhood far more difficult than anticipated. I missed my professional identity.

After much soul searching, I decided to take them to a friend’s house 3 afternoons a week to work on finishing my degree and do some consulting and such. It is the best decision I’ve made! It is temporary – I intend to do it until August or September.

I guess that I feel like if you want to attempt to go back to school b/c you feel a call, go for it! But have both eyes wide open – it’s VERY difficult. I am happier for going to school … I hope you are, too.

God bless you in your journey!

 

[Mary_s_Lamb]

Hi Tree! I was working full time and going to grad school in the evenings and during the summer sessions. I was about half way through when I got pregnant and had my first child. Up to that point I was a feminist and wanted my career to be first in my life. So I continued working full time and going to grad school at night. I was able to do it. But having the baby definitely changed me. I no longer “loved” grad school. It became just one more stressor in my life. I was determined to finish and I did. When I was done, instead of feeling happy and accomplished, I felt depressed. I had put myself, my husband and baby through a lot. And now these extra letters after my name no longer really meant anything to me.

I realized that I had been lied to by the feminists. You can’t have it all. Something had to suffer and it was my sanity. So I changed to a part time job. Then to a relief job (just 8 hours per week). Money was very tight. But now everything else in our lives was easier. I put my career on hold. My colleagues told me I was crazy. Especially after all the work and education I had put into my career. But IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I MADE IN MY LIFE! And I’ve never regretted it. I can always go back to work when my children are grown. With the state that Social Security is in, we’ll all probably have to work into old age.

The one poster said she missed her life at work. I don’t. Probably because I work a little. The only thing I did miss was eating lunch in the cafeteria. The food wasn’t that great. But I missed the conversation. Not many moms stay home these days. So it is pretty lonely. But I look at it as my own personal cloister. And being a mom has done more to help me work through my personal sanctity than work ever did.

The last bit of advice I’d make is this. You can make any plans you want now. But try to be flexible after you have a baby. They really do change you and your feelings.

 

[iguana27]

I have a 9, 7, and a 1-yr old. I also recently started a part-time Master’s degree in theology.

I would like to be able to teach at a university by the time my oldest is ready for college. I enjoy the intellectual stimulation, and I think that my studies help me to be a better mom.

I approach any decision I make with prayer, and the doors usuaaly open in the direction I am supposed to take.

God bless you as you discern your path!

 

[arso347]

I realize my perspective is not exactly what you are looking for because I am the husband, but anyway. . .

My wife and I are expecting our first in mid October. I am currently working on my masters (engineering), and will hopefully defend my thesis in late November. This will be a busy fall, and the finances will be a little tight, but God has always provided. My wife is currently a nurse, and is extremely excited to be a stay at home mom.

I know your situation is obviously different (timing, gender, ect.) but I couldn’t help but chime in.

 

[darcee]

Only you know you. If you are the type who can balance a lot of things at once go for it. If you need lots of quiet time to get study type work done then you will have a real struggle ahead.