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DL82
Guest
A story and a question.
Firstly, I was at a Catholic Charismatic Renewal prayer group yesterday at my parish, I usually go once a week, and I got a verse from Scripture: Micah 1:16, which is about shaving your head in mourning because your sons have gone from you.
About a year ago, I was engaged to a woman who left me, and we had been sexually active together (little question, is that an impediment to entering Religious Life?) I don’t think I had really got over her, but I’d had a dream shortly before that I had a son by her (which I didn’t) and that she’d taken him away too.
Anyway, the head shaving immediately made me think of monastic tonsure.
All the other readings that night seemed to say the same thing - they were all about listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and keeping your own pride quiet.
As soon as the thought popped into my head, I began to laugh and cry at the same time, like it all suddenly made sense.
I became a Christian at the age of 18, and read 1 line about the Carthusians in a prologue to some poems by St John of the Cross, and immediately wanted to find out more. I spoke to a Catholic priest at that time who really put me off converting. At the age of 22 I started discerning with the Anglican Franciscans, but my heart wasn’t really focussed on God, and when I think of the ways I tried to have ‘one last’ shot at every sinful thing before I went to speak to their novice guardian, it’s pretty clear that I wasn’t ready. I became a Catholic in Easter 2008, and have tried to follow God, to keep a rule, go to spiritual direction, pray regularly, go to daily mass, but have really found the academic career I’m pursuing hasn’t got anywhere, and is quite deceptive. Anyway, here I am again. I haven’t felt this way since I was engaged, my life hasn’t felt this right in a long time. I feel scared and elated at the same time. And again, the Carthusians spring to mind.
OK, so that’s the story so far.
Now for my question: is it possible to receive direction from the Holy Spirit while you’re in a state of mortal sin? I did something on Tuesday that I haven’t been able to go to confession about yet, though I’ve prayed the act of contrition many times. It was a momentary consent to a thought process that may not actually be mortal sin, but I don’t know for sure so have not been receiving the Eucharist. Anyway, if I’m in a state of mortal sin, how can I even be beginning to think I’d be ready for monastic life, and is this just a trick from the evil one, or could it still be from God?
Firstly, I was at a Catholic Charismatic Renewal prayer group yesterday at my parish, I usually go once a week, and I got a verse from Scripture: Micah 1:16, which is about shaving your head in mourning because your sons have gone from you.
About a year ago, I was engaged to a woman who left me, and we had been sexually active together (little question, is that an impediment to entering Religious Life?) I don’t think I had really got over her, but I’d had a dream shortly before that I had a son by her (which I didn’t) and that she’d taken him away too.
Anyway, the head shaving immediately made me think of monastic tonsure.
All the other readings that night seemed to say the same thing - they were all about listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and keeping your own pride quiet.
As soon as the thought popped into my head, I began to laugh and cry at the same time, like it all suddenly made sense.
I became a Christian at the age of 18, and read 1 line about the Carthusians in a prologue to some poems by St John of the Cross, and immediately wanted to find out more. I spoke to a Catholic priest at that time who really put me off converting. At the age of 22 I started discerning with the Anglican Franciscans, but my heart wasn’t really focussed on God, and when I think of the ways I tried to have ‘one last’ shot at every sinful thing before I went to speak to their novice guardian, it’s pretty clear that I wasn’t ready. I became a Catholic in Easter 2008, and have tried to follow God, to keep a rule, go to spiritual direction, pray regularly, go to daily mass, but have really found the academic career I’m pursuing hasn’t got anywhere, and is quite deceptive. Anyway, here I am again. I haven’t felt this way since I was engaged, my life hasn’t felt this right in a long time. I feel scared and elated at the same time. And again, the Carthusians spring to mind.
OK, so that’s the story so far.
Now for my question: is it possible to receive direction from the Holy Spirit while you’re in a state of mortal sin? I did something on Tuesday that I haven’t been able to go to confession about yet, though I’ve prayed the act of contrition many times. It was a momentary consent to a thought process that may not actually be mortal sin, but I don’t know for sure so have not been receiving the Eucharist. Anyway, if I’m in a state of mortal sin, how can I even be beginning to think I’d be ready for monastic life, and is this just a trick from the evil one, or could it still be from God?
God will not fail to show you his will.