Money and family- ahhgg!

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rayne89

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Hi guys. Well I just found out tonight that our car we had towed into the shop is going to cost $1200 to get fixed! A huge chunk of our savings that we really needed to get our siding done our house this spring -it really *has *to be done.

On top of that my father decided to give me a lecture on how we should save our money. We don’t take vacations, we hardly ever go out to eat, I rarely buy myself anything, I shop for clothes at a thrift store for pete’s sake. We live in a mobile home and drive 2 old cars. Yeah we’re just blowing our money left and right. :rolleyes:

Our big problem is credit card debt that we incured in our younger and stupider years that we can’t seem to get out from under. I told my dad we’d be fine if it wasn’t for that. To which he says well stop using them. I haven’t used them in over 3 years. He says -and you still haven’t paid them off, you have to pay them off. (Duh)
I said I would if I could that’s the problem.

Then he starts picking on my husband because he has a blue collar job. My dad’s a retired engineer. Is he going to be a machiniest all his life? Is he planning for your future? Yeah dad we can afford to send my husband to college when we can’t even pay off our debt.

He has been helping us pay our car insurance which he like’s to throw in my face. Tonight I decided no matter we’re going to pay it ourselves from now on. When I finally got off the phone I just bawled. I hate my dad looking down on my husband. He works so hard for us. The debt is mostly my doing.

Anyway I’m kind of down in the dumps right now. Financial problems really stink.
 
Dear Sister,

So many things at once. I know what you are going through. My wife and I have been there too! Especially the credit cards. I cut them up 5 years ago and haven’t looked back. It took awhile but we got there and you will too! Just hang in there. Try not to worry about it.

Parents always say those things to their children as well. At least that has been my experience. They seem to forget that when they were our age, candy was a penny and brand new cars were in low thousands. Either way, he really cares about you and I would bet he cares alot about your husband as well.

I will pray for you and your family. I know things will get better for you. God only gives us what we can handle.

By the way, there’s nothing wrong with blue collar jobs. That is almost all our family has. Somebody has to make the other guy money right 😉 ?

You take care and don’t get emotional about money. It’s just paper.

Your brother in Christ,
Trevor
 
Hi Rayne sweetie,
Oh, I can really empathize with you in this situation. My husband and I are always “just getting by” with our money too, and my parents like to remind us the importance of saving for our children’s college education, our retirement, blah, blah, blah. It’s wonderful advice, but when you need every single cent to pay the monthly bills, it’s a bit hard to do anything else with it!

I know this is easier said that done, but when I get stressed out about money (and it happens quite often) I try to remember all the important things in life… I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a husband who loves me, an entire family who loves me, and a heavenly father who loves me more than I can even know.

And, during the times when our money is the tightest, if we still somehow manage to give to our church and to charity, we’ll suddenly end up with some unexpected money or a bill will be way less then we thought. It’s strange, but I think it is God’s way of reminding us that He will provide if we only follow Him and keep our trust in Him.

I pray for you and your family. Hang in there!
 
Everyone is entitled to a fresh start…when we fall the Catholic Church calls it Confession and when we dig financial holes American Law calls it Bankruptcy…do not be ashamed to use it for a fresh start… and NO…its not a sin to file BK if you have simply fallen into debt like MOST Americans do…and not maxed out your cards for stuff like furs, home theaters, etc, with the intention of NOT paying back that debt…you dont sound like that type of person.
 
Thank you all for your kindness. I don’t usually focus on our financial problems, we are so blessed in so many other ways. It’s really my dad looking down on us which really got to me. I have thought about bankruptcy, I really need to find a good credit counseling place that can help us with our options. I have a hard time trusting places, I’m always leary of getting ripped off. We’ve been paying on the credit cards for so long I’m sure with all the interest they’ve gotten their money a couple times over.

Thanks again for all your support. 🙂
 
Rayne, check out Dave Ramsey…www.daveramsey.com. He has helped thousands of people get out of debt with a little re-prioritizing. Listen to his show. Everything makes sense.
 
If your father cannot assist your family without negative strings attached, I would do everything to cut off that access point until he can be honoring to your marriage. How does your husband feel about this? If it wasn’t your father, would you tolerate this lack of respect/disrespect from anyone else toward your husband, or would you set a more appropriate boundary? Remember, your husband comes first, and if this means “leaving” more your relationship with your father, no matter what the costs ($), then by all means, God will make ends meet otherwise.

A credit counselor with a debt payoff plan as suggested by other posters can be a good starting point.
This link to articles on finances at St.Joseph’s Covenant Keepers web site gives some good basics depending where you and your husband are at. God bless.
 
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felra:
If your father cannot assist your family without negative strings attached, I would do everything to cut off that access point until he can be honoring to your marriage. How does your husband feel about this? If it wasn’t your father, would you tolerate this lack of respect/disrespect from anyone else toward your husband, or would you set a more appropriate boundary? Remember, your husband comes first, and if this means “leaving” more your relationship with your father, no matter what the costs ($), then by all means, God will make ends meet otherwise.

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My husband doesn’t know very much about what my dad says because I don’t tell him. I see no reason to. My dad’s alot more outspoken with me than he is in front of my husband, thankfully.
I don’t tolerate it, I get quite mad when he is disrespectful. You’re right I do need to be independant financially from my parents so they don’t use it as a reason to get into our personal business. But still I’m grateful for the assistance they have given us.
 
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