Money - I'm stressed

[Linnyo]

Basically my husband was made redundant and used credit cards for a while to pay for the essentials. We worked up a debt during that time and I took a loan (which I can manage but it bugs me) of £15000 to consolidate all the cards, car and other debts we have. Any way, my husband got a job and I though that things would get better. He has become really depressed and has run up £2000 debt in the last 4 months. I suggested that we use our house equity and get rid af the consolidation debt and his credit card debt and pay it all over a longer period of time. So we applied and were turned down because he hasn’t been paying the bills on time. I had no idea! I don’t know what he is spending the money on. His salary does essential bills and mortgage while I do childcare, loan and food. It should work but he is spending all this extra money on ‘I don’t know what’. I have no idea what to do as he won’t part with his credit card and he is living in his overdraft. I bailed him out last time leaving myself with -£15000 and I can’t keep doing that. Last month I barely had enough money for food because of the new school expenses.
I even contemplated leaving him cos he is dragging us down but I am married to him for better or worse . Also, my credit rating is bad cos of him so I wouldn’t get a mortgage. I don’t know what to do. We have been fighting about it but what’s the point? It’s done now. Why do I have to suffer cos of him?
Also he has started drinking and he goes out, not often though, but drinking on his own in the pub then he calls me in the middle of the night from nightclubs. What’s that all about?
I feel so sad and miss the old days.

 

[1ke]

There are a couple of suggestions I can make. First, if he will go to counseling, I suggest you contact Consumer Credit Counselling UK. www.cccs.co.uk

Credit Counselling, and credit laws, in the UK works differently than in the US. CCCS UK is a registered charity and I know they can assist, if he is willing to go to counselling on the budget and credit use.

If he isn’t willing to get help, then you really need to contact a lawyer and find out if/how finances can be separated in the UK so that perhaps you can have credit in your name only and not be impacted by his credit use.

I really don’t know what to tell you if he won’t seek help. Talk to your priest and see if he has any ideas. The credit use and the drinking are classic signs that depression may be at the root of the issue-- but only a mental health professional could make that determination.

I do hope he will listen to reason and go with your for some counselling, financial and marriage as well as get help for what looks like it may be depression.

 

[Linnyo]

I only wish he would 1ke. I have suiggested it. His doc has suggested it for his depression. He just won’t go. It seems the situation is hopeless and his depression is bad. He isn’t meant to dring on his medicine. Also he has been very aggressive and even violent twice. Nobody would believe me if I told them though as he used to be kind, gentle and very thoughtful. He used to be a ‘model husband’ I don’t know how much more I can take.

There are a couple of suggestions I can make. First, if he will go to counseling, I suggest you contact Consumer Credit Counselling UK. www.cccs.co.uk

Credit Counselling, and credit laws, in the UK works differently than in the US. CCCS UK is a registered charity and I know they can assist, if he is willing to go to counselling on the budget and credit use.

If he isn’t willing to get help, then you really need to contact a lawyer and find out if/how finances can be separated in the UK so that perhaps you can have credit in your name only and not be impacted by his credit use.

I really don’t know what to tell you if he won’t seek help. Talk to your priest and see if he has any ideas. The credit use and the drinking are classic signs that depression may be at the root of the issue-- but only a mental health professional could make that determination.

I do hope he will listen to reason and go with your for some counselling, financial and marriage as well as get help for what looks like it may be depression.

 

[1ke]

Then please get counseling for YOURSELF and legal advice too.