F
FrancisDeSales
Guest
This has been bothering me for a while, so I sort of need to get it off my chest. I hope everybody who reads this will try to patiently understand my situation and my friend’s situation. Helpful advice and friendly criticism is welcome. It’s really difficult to try to explain, but I desperately need your help and prayers.
A close friend of mine, let’s call him Jack, has stopped going to Church in the past few months. He once was a devout and dedicated Catholic, serving as a Sunday school catechist, being a member of our college Catholic fellowship, and in general leading a good Christian life. He graduated college, started work, but has stopped going to weekly mass. At first I thought he stopped going to Church because he was too busy. Also, whenever I see him, he’s always talking about the Da Vinci Code, and talking about how fascinating it is and how it makes him think.
I recently found out from another mutual friend that Jack suffers from same sex attraction (SSA). Supposedly, his attraction has been getting stronger the past couple years. Jack has told a few of our friends, but he hasn’t told me. Out of our group of Catholic friends, I’m considered by them to be most devoted to the faith. I think he is afraid to tell me because he would think that I would be disappointed at him, hate him, or even try to cut off our friendship. This isn’t true, I could never hate him, no matter what he did. And i’ll only stop being his friend if he pushes me away.
Also, I was told by our mutual friend who revealed this to me that Jack has been going to some gay dance clubs. I live in Berkeley, so such things are very common in San Francisco. Also, I was told that two of his current roommates are also gay and lead gay lifestyles (to my knowledge they aren’t Christian). This is what hurt the most. When I heard this news, I felt my heart sink to my stomach. I knew that people with SSA have been given a VERY HEAVY cross to carry in their lives. And the fact that Jack seems to be pursuing a gay lifestyle suggests that he’s not interested in carrying his cross.
My views on homosexuality are clear: homosexual actions are gravely immoral and never acceptable. I believe this is God’s law, and I never plan on compromising or giving in on this belief. But it almost seems that out of our friends, I’m going to have to give Jack the tough message. I know that Jack knows the Church’s teachings on homosexuality, but he’s trying in his mind to justify his actions. I think this is also why he’s so fascinated with the Da Vinci Code; it allows him to believe that the Catholic Church is fallible, thus giving him reason to reject the Church’s teachings on infallibility. I can’t even begin to imagine the confusion and frustration going on in his mind.
I get the strong feeling that most of our other Catholic friends don’t intend on letting Jack know that physically acting upon his SSA is immoral. Most of them are cafeteria Catholics, and they don’t take their faith very seriously. When Jack eventually confronts me and tells me about his SSA, I’ve thought long and hard about what I must do.
I don’t plan on confronting him, I’m praying that God will give him the strength to approach me as a man and as a friend to tell me. When he approaches me, I plan on simply being a support for him without being judgmental. I won’t tell him that he needs to live a celibate lifestyle right away, but I will ease that into him charitably later on. But first, I want to encourage him to come back to the Church, come back to the sacraments. If he agrees to come to Church, then I’ll ask him to go to confession with me one day before he takes the Eucharist.
I desperately hope that he won’t turn down God’s grace. I feel very saddened that my good friend has been given such a heavy cross, but I’d like to help him carry it. I’m also in a dilemma because many of my other friends might portray me as close-minded, a fundamentalist, and a homophobe. This is partly why this is all so difficult. Jack having 2 gay roommates doesn’t help either. It really feels like everybody is against me. Sometimes I just get emotional and tear up thinking how hard Jack must have it. I also get frustrated and very angry at my friends and Jack’s roommates. I know that love conquers all, but I’m finding it so hard to love those who are misleading my close friend. I’ve been having a lot of midterms lately, but it’s so hard to study with all this on my mind.
I know what I must do, I know that I can’t compromise my values and simply ignore this, pretending like somebody else will help Jack. I want him to come back to Church, lead a celibate lifestyle, and maybe later be blessed with the gift of a wonderful girl that might truly make him happy.
A close friend of mine, let’s call him Jack, has stopped going to Church in the past few months. He once was a devout and dedicated Catholic, serving as a Sunday school catechist, being a member of our college Catholic fellowship, and in general leading a good Christian life. He graduated college, started work, but has stopped going to weekly mass. At first I thought he stopped going to Church because he was too busy. Also, whenever I see him, he’s always talking about the Da Vinci Code, and talking about how fascinating it is and how it makes him think.
I recently found out from another mutual friend that Jack suffers from same sex attraction (SSA). Supposedly, his attraction has been getting stronger the past couple years. Jack has told a few of our friends, but he hasn’t told me. Out of our group of Catholic friends, I’m considered by them to be most devoted to the faith. I think he is afraid to tell me because he would think that I would be disappointed at him, hate him, or even try to cut off our friendship. This isn’t true, I could never hate him, no matter what he did. And i’ll only stop being his friend if he pushes me away.
Also, I was told by our mutual friend who revealed this to me that Jack has been going to some gay dance clubs. I live in Berkeley, so such things are very common in San Francisco. Also, I was told that two of his current roommates are also gay and lead gay lifestyles (to my knowledge they aren’t Christian). This is what hurt the most. When I heard this news, I felt my heart sink to my stomach. I knew that people with SSA have been given a VERY HEAVY cross to carry in their lives. And the fact that Jack seems to be pursuing a gay lifestyle suggests that he’s not interested in carrying his cross.
My views on homosexuality are clear: homosexual actions are gravely immoral and never acceptable. I believe this is God’s law, and I never plan on compromising or giving in on this belief. But it almost seems that out of our friends, I’m going to have to give Jack the tough message. I know that Jack knows the Church’s teachings on homosexuality, but he’s trying in his mind to justify his actions. I think this is also why he’s so fascinated with the Da Vinci Code; it allows him to believe that the Catholic Church is fallible, thus giving him reason to reject the Church’s teachings on infallibility. I can’t even begin to imagine the confusion and frustration going on in his mind.
I get the strong feeling that most of our other Catholic friends don’t intend on letting Jack know that physically acting upon his SSA is immoral. Most of them are cafeteria Catholics, and they don’t take their faith very seriously. When Jack eventually confronts me and tells me about his SSA, I’ve thought long and hard about what I must do.
I don’t plan on confronting him, I’m praying that God will give him the strength to approach me as a man and as a friend to tell me. When he approaches me, I plan on simply being a support for him without being judgmental. I won’t tell him that he needs to live a celibate lifestyle right away, but I will ease that into him charitably later on. But first, I want to encourage him to come back to the Church, come back to the sacraments. If he agrees to come to Church, then I’ll ask him to go to confession with me one day before he takes the Eucharist.
I desperately hope that he won’t turn down God’s grace. I feel very saddened that my good friend has been given such a heavy cross, but I’d like to help him carry it. I’m also in a dilemma because many of my other friends might portray me as close-minded, a fundamentalist, and a homophobe. This is partly why this is all so difficult. Jack having 2 gay roommates doesn’t help either. It really feels like everybody is against me. Sometimes I just get emotional and tear up thinking how hard Jack must have it. I also get frustrated and very angry at my friends and Jack’s roommates. I know that love conquers all, but I’m finding it so hard to love those who are misleading my close friend. I’ve been having a lot of midterms lately, but it’s so hard to study with all this on my mind.
I know what I must do, I know that I can’t compromise my values and simply ignore this, pretending like somebody else will help Jack. I want him to come back to Church, lead a celibate lifestyle, and maybe later be blessed with the gift of a wonderful girl that might truly make him happy.
