Moral dilemma with artificial birth control

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dean24us

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Hello! First, some background prior to my question… I have a (non-Catholic) cousin that recently announced she is pregnant. This would normally be cause for joy, except for the fact that this is her third child (each with different fathers) in the span of 3-4 years. She is in her early 20s, and has shown herself to be very sexually promiscuous and irresponsible. She was married once (father #1), but that marriage lasted less than a year due to her having an affair. What makes this even worse is that she has no means to support these children; she has no job, is not receiving child support (the state where she lives requires a paternity test prior to requiring a man to pay child support, and she so-far declined to have one), and her live-in boyfriend (father #3) is unemployed. In short, she has shown a clear track record of having babies that she can’t support, and she is a financial (and not to mention emotional) burden on both her family and the state.

She claims that she is going to get “fixed” (i.e., “tubes tied”) after this baby. I am dubious of this, as she claimed the same thing after baby #2; however, for sake of argument, let’s assume that does indeed carry through with this. As a Catholic, we are taught to oppose any form of artificial birth control, and I do not dispute the Church’s authority in this matter. But as you may guess, I am having trouble reconciling the Church’s teaching with this situation, as I have no reason to believe she will change her lifestyle after baby #3 is born. The pragmatic side of me says “atleast it will keep her from bringing more innocent babies in to a life of immorality & poverty”, while the spiritual side says “I can’t think this is a good idea under any circumstances”.

So, I suppose my question comes down to this: IN THIS SITUATION how can I oppose one evil (artificial birth control) when the alternative results in an even worse (irresponsible & frequent procreation)?

Also, any other thoughts or prayers would be appreciated. I’ve been struggling with this for a month now, so any words of wisdom that might help me resolve this conflict internally would be welcome.

Best wishes,
Dean
 
We can never support evil.

Crisis magazine did a good article on consequentialism, you might want to give it a read.

crisismagazine.com/2011/means-and-ends

Encourage your cousin to come to Jesus, sounds like she has a very low self image. Let her know she is too precious to God to be sleeping around.
 
Castello said:
We can never support evil.

Crisis magazine did a good article on consequentialism, you might want to give it a read.

crisismagazine.com/2011/means-and-ends

Encourage your cousin to come to Jesus, sounds like she has a very low self image. Let her know she is too precious to God to be sleeping around.
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…If only it were that simple 😦

I will pray for this girl, and most importantly, for her children.
 
I will pray for this lady and for her children.

She should be commended on raising her children…sadly so many others have abortions.

IMHO she should definitely not be encouraged to have her tubes tied since it would be a sin. Also, she may well want more children in the future…because you just never know.

You can do your best to encourage her toward responsible actions regarding relationships IMHO but I think that sterlilzation cannot be encouraged even in this situation.

:blessyou:
 
There are more issues than irresponsible sex going on here.

To answer you primary concern, you cannot support or encourage sin…ever. You can also not support one evil (contraception) to counter another.

BUT, your cousin being irresponsible and frequently procreating is not your problem, unless you allow it to be. That’s supposed to be HER problem and she needs to live with the consequences of choosing those types of guys and being irresponsible. Only by being responsible FOR herself, will she learn to be responsible TO others. But if she has family supporting her through all this, she will never learn this. Your cousin is not “being” a burden on anyone unless they allow her to be.

The problem at this point is not your cousin’s, it is the problem of whoever is enabling her behavior by helping her out. Once the emablers step away and allow natural consequences to take effect, the problem can then become hers, as it rightfully should be.

Don’t fret over how to deal with this situtation…it’s not yours to deal with. Let your cousin experience the consequences of her decisions so that she can learn responsibility. For some TREMENDOUS Biblical insight into what I posted…read “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend or “Safe People” by the same authors.

-ahs
 
Thanks to all the replies and prayers thus far! One thing I do want to note is that my cousin and I don’t have a close relationship. I’ve been more of a spectator from afar (i.e., via Facebook and information I’ve been hearing from my aunts, uncles, and parents), so I don’t think I’m in a position to influence her (positively or negatively), short of setting a good example through my own lifestyle.

The biggest reason I wanted to ask this question is not what I should do to rectify the situation per se, but rather how I should view the situation internally. I admit that I was very angry when I found out she was pregnant AGAIN, but I also have to admit that I felt a bit of relief when she said she was going to get her tubes tied, as that would mean that she isn’t going to be affecting the lives of innocent children with her lifestyle. This line of thinking has caused me to feel guilt, as it is not inline with the Church’s teachings. Since then, I have been wrestling internally of how I should “feel” (for lack of a better term) – whether I should oppose her getting her tubes tied due to Catholic teachings, or whether I should okay with her getting her tubes tied (in my thoughts and heart) to mitigate the effects of her lifestyle on the innocent children involved.

Dean
 
Your cousin is violating the virtue of chastity in many ways. You need to remember that fornication, adultery, use of birth control all fit nicely into the category of expressions of lust. Remember this all falls under the commandment of not committing adultery. Well, fornication could be arguably said to not be adultery because neither people are married. But that doesn’t matter. Its still unchaste.

So the point is, if you’re going to stand up for morality, you have to stand up for all of it and then let her make her own decisions.
 
dean24us said:
So, I suppose my question comes down to this: IN THIS SITUATION how can I oppose one evil (artificial birth control) when the alternative results in an even worse (irresponsible & frequent procreation)?
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The first point is that artificial birth control is not a real solution. Women that are promiscuous are afflicted with deeper psychological issues, something like a sense of inferiority, and poor perception of themselves. Permitting birth control does nothing to give them a healthy and proper understanding of them self.

Secondly, artificial birth control is a grave evil that can never produce a good.
 
Taking the “lesser of two evils” approach, which would be the lesser sin?

Preventing more babies or bringing more babies into an undesirable situation?
 
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