Morality and Dating/seeing more than one woman

[Ignatiusmeansfire]

Hello!

I am a Catholic man in my late 20s, the last 6 months i have really started dating/seeing alot of women trying to find a spouse. I have now found myself in a position where i have met with a couple women who very quickly wanted to move things forward, since i am not certaint at all and would prefere to give things time and be able to see other women to see who i really connect with i have told them i am not ready for a commitment as of now.

Still the way they act and talk it seems they do consider us “dating”. So i ask, what would be the best morally correct solution? I have not led anyone on, but met a few times, but i do not want to commit to something. Do i tell them i am not interested? Maybe i am, but i cannot say now. Is it morally acceptable to see more then one potential romantic partner at the same time?

I feel like i’m playing games and my conscience bugs me, although i do not know if i have done anything wrong.

 

[Nihilo]

…i do not know if i have done anything wrong.

If you’re chastely dating multiple people I don’t see where there’s any immorality, fwiw.

 

[1ke]

So i ask, what would be the best morally correct solution?

Just be up front with them. You tell them you are casually dating, and are not exclusively dating them.

Do i tell them i am not interested?

Only if you aren’t.

Is it morally acceptable to see more then one potential romantic partner at the same time?

Yes. To an extent. You can’t go on forever just causally dating a woman. You either decide she’s not for you, or you take it to the next level— which is dating her exclusively.

And dating multiple women because you want to see if something better comes along is Not mature dating.

Don’t string anyone along.

If you become serious about one, tell her you would like to date exclusively and see what she says. And tell the others you’ve enjoyed their company but have found someone you are interested in dating exclusively.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

While it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything immoral, be care ful if falling into the trap of searching for the “best” or “shiniest” or “most presentable” love interest, in some never ending quest to win a person as a prize.

Nobody is perfect, you’re not perfect.

You need to find somebody you like, are attracted to, and love.

 

[OKComputer]

I feel like i’m playing games and my conscience bugs me, although i do not know if i have done anything wrong.

You’ve answered your own question. If your conscience bothers you, than don’t do it. I’m not sure it’s “wrong” as long as you are open with them. And of course you can’t get angry if they see other men. Holding them to a standard you have no intention of keeping would be wrong.

 

[LittleFlower378]

Just be honest, and make sure not to lead them on if you are certain you don’t want to go further.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You need to be very honest with them both and say, “I am enjoying our time together, but at this point I’m not ready to commit to a relationship with any one person. And in fact, I’m seeing another person (or “other people” if there’s more than one) right now - we’ve had a few dates.”

There is nothing morally wrong with dating more than one person as long as you aren’t leading anyone on, you are being honest with both (which would include breaking it off with one when and if things started to get more “serious” with the other) and you haven’t already committed to one of them (such as by becoming engaged or doing other things that suggest commitment).

You run the risk, especially in today’s society, that if you are totally honest like this, both of them will get mad and leave you. You also run the risk that the people you will attract will likewise want to be free to see others and you might not end up with a commitment from them.

It can work though. I never dated anyone exclusively until my husband and I got engaged, which didn’t happen till I turned 30 so I had about 12 years of dating all kinds of blokes. My mother didn’t believe in committing to any one man until the formal engagement with proposal and ring. After the first guy I fell in love with (who was not my husband, this was a number of years before I even met my husband) cheated on me with his ex-fiancee, I decided to follow Mom’s advice going forward. Many people in society do not agree with Mom’s approach and some of them didn’t even agree with it when Mom was young (about 80 years ago now). I didn’t care, I liked being contrary.