More contraceptive mentality intrusions

[mass4life]

We are just a few days from the birth of our third child, and already my father-in-law and mother-in-law (non-Catholics) are railing at us to stop having kids, don’t have any more kids, it’s too expensive to raise kids these days, etc.,etc.,etc. My husband finally had to tell them nicely to keep their noses out of it.

My oldest is 3 and my second is 17months. I am not aware of all the expenses that go into raising older children. What can you say to people who think you MUST have a closet full of brand new clothes each season for each child, and heaven forbid they wear the same thing twice in a week?

We plan on homeschooling so there’s no Catholic school expense. Also, we don’t plan on helping our children pay for college.

 

[Seven_Sorrows]

Just ask those people…"Aren’t you glad your parents didn’t give you another brother or sister so you could have the clothes that you did?

or

while your kids are in the room say…“grandma wants me to get rid of you so that your brother can have more toys.” hehehe not suggested, but funny

 

[Island_Oak]

Perhaps as devout, sincere Catholics you could take this opportunity to model charity in thought and word. It’s not fair to assume merely “contraceptive mentality.” Consider that with 3 children under 3 your in-laws may genuinely be concerned about your and your spouse’s well-being in the face of such demanding responsibility. Let’s not pretend that this isn’t an overwhelming task. Seek their involvement in a positive way–invite them over for a casual dinner, share some fun events/outings with the children, etc. Their ability to see you as capabable and fulfilled in this role could reassure them.

I have a wonderful friend whom I met when she was pregnant with her 4th child. She went on to welcome 2 more. She was constantly greeted with the most intrusive, judgemental questions about the size of her family–but ALWAYS responded kindly and in a way that left you with no doubt about her joy at being the mother of 6. Through her kindness and enthusiasm she converted many a skeptic. God bless!

 

[bear06]

You could always just let them know that you love your children, trust that they are a blessing as God says and intend to have more and that they can keep harping on you and making life uncomfortable for all of that they can just enjoy their grandchildren.
Of course, this will come better from your husband.

I’ve had some trouble with my in-laws on a different subject. It’s really best if your husband confronts them or bad feelings will grow. Chances are, this attitude of intrusion will only grow too.

 

[legeorge]

When faced with this problem in my own life, from my own parents, I responded with charity for a long long time. I finally got fed up with my Mom asking “So, are you done yet?” . And if I ever said I was tired or overwhelmed by something I would get “Go ahead, have another one” in a snide tone of voice. One day I just said,“OK, Mom, I’ll line them up in front of you and you tell me which ones you wish hadn’t been born.” She was offended by that. Then I said, “You love all these kids, and if I had another one, you would love it just as much.” Well, after that little talk, she never harassed me about it again. A couple weeks ago she even told me that she had a great name for another baby! Sometimes people just don’t get it until you get tough with them. It took me 7 years to do it, but I did, and it worked out good for us. Now, I’m not recommending you do the same, but you know your situation, and your in-laws and can act accordingly. You need to be firm in your decisions and let them know that this is how it is going to be, period! And I agree that this should probably be handled by your husband, since it is his parents. You can be back-up, but he needs to take the reins on this one. Good Luck!!