J
jjb5985
Guest
For a little while now I’ve been suffering from scrupulosity. I’m starting to get better and trust in God’s mercy, but I still have to work with it. I didn’t always used to be this way although I was probably always predisposed to it.
First of all, I try very very hard to please God and not sin. I don’t have any real struggles anymore with any particular mortal sin thanks to God’s grace. (It wasn’t always that way) In fact, just finding out something was a mortal sin was about all I needed to keep me away from it forever and strike fear in my heart at the consequences of such an action. Now I suffer with the condition of believing just about EVERYTHING I do is not only a sin, but a serious sin. The priest I go to confession to now recognized my scrupulosity right off the bat and addressed it so that is helpful.
Luckily, God made me farily intelligent. I’ve studied the faith and am able to clearly explain many basic issues of it with other people. So I may know something, yet a lot of times I’m forced to remind myself of it because I don’t “feel it” anymore. For instance, I know something probably isn’t a sin, yet I feel guilty anyways and I know there is no basis for it. I oftentimes send emails to apolegetics to seek answers for particular situations or questions of sin and moral situations. It makes me feel a lot better because, I know if I’m seeking the truth, God won’t hold it against me if I was ignorant.
I’ve read the 10 commandments for the scupulous (mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm) and some stuff from scrupulous anonymous. mission.liguori.org/newsletters/archives.htm#SA
These helped a lot. So I’m recovering from it. I just wanted to give you my background. I’m more concerned with how I became scrupulous. I think I’ve p(name removed by moderator)ointed it to a couple of things.
There were some very good orthodox priests where I used to go to Mass and they stressed confession and not receiving communion while in the state of mortal sin. This makes sense because I’m sure many people haven’t been to confession in a while. Yet, in my mind it made mortal sin to be a common thing that most people are probably guilty off. (true mortal sin, actually knowing it) This got translated in my mind as “you must be commiting mortal sins, you think you’re so good you never commit mortal sins?”
Then, I’d hear from people such as those who post on forums asking for advise. They’d ask “did I commit a mortal sin?” and sometimes the response is “Yes, get to confession”. Now, I know people tend to rationalize things and sometimes they really know in their heart they commited a mortal sin. Assuming they aren’t just kidding themselves, how can anyone truly commit a mortal sin and not know it?! What about full knowledge, consent of the will, and grave matter? If you don’t know about one of those when you commited the sin, how can it be mortal? I mean, is it possible to commit a mortal sin and not know it? You can see how this really messed with my mind!
I don’t believe the people giving this advice are wrong. Afterall, no one wants to say don’t confess for fear of leading someone away from God and helping them in their sin. Nevertheless, I NEED to as a scrupulous person rationlize things and really see if there is sin or not. I can’t always just rely on “if it’s bothers you, it’s probably a sin” or “confess just to be sure” sort of things as these never get to the heart of the issue and emotions (especially in my case) aren’t reliable. I did this and my life was so full of anxiety I knew satan was having his way with me.
I have to really look at things and see if they are a sin or not so rationalizing is the only way to keep my confessor sane as to not bombard him with hundreds of things so he can explain why they aren’t a sin for reasons I already know. Yet, rationalizing something tends to make one feel like they are “rationalizing sin” and therefore are sinning again. It’s a lose lose situation.
Enough of my problems though. I was just wondering what you thought of things like not knowing whether you commited a mortal sin. How is this even possible?
Also, this may be just an opinion sort of thing, but is it likely someone go a long time or their whole life without commiting a true mortal sin? I mean, I can’t EVER imagine sinning with full knowledge, full consent of the will, and a grave matter knowing for sure it would send me to hell. I’d be happier to die the most painful death than feel the fear of knowing I’m doomed to hell for all eternity for doing something. I’m not trying to downplay mortal sin as something that never happens. I’m not looking for excuses to not ever go to confession as that isn’t an issue for me. I’m just trying to understand the nature of what mortal sin really is.
First of all, I try very very hard to please God and not sin. I don’t have any real struggles anymore with any particular mortal sin thanks to God’s grace. (It wasn’t always that way) In fact, just finding out something was a mortal sin was about all I needed to keep me away from it forever and strike fear in my heart at the consequences of such an action. Now I suffer with the condition of believing just about EVERYTHING I do is not only a sin, but a serious sin. The priest I go to confession to now recognized my scrupulosity right off the bat and addressed it so that is helpful.
Luckily, God made me farily intelligent. I’ve studied the faith and am able to clearly explain many basic issues of it with other people. So I may know something, yet a lot of times I’m forced to remind myself of it because I don’t “feel it” anymore. For instance, I know something probably isn’t a sin, yet I feel guilty anyways and I know there is no basis for it. I oftentimes send emails to apolegetics to seek answers for particular situations or questions of sin and moral situations. It makes me feel a lot better because, I know if I’m seeking the truth, God won’t hold it against me if I was ignorant.
I’ve read the 10 commandments for the scupulous (mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm) and some stuff from scrupulous anonymous. mission.liguori.org/newsletters/archives.htm#SA
These helped a lot. So I’m recovering from it. I just wanted to give you my background. I’m more concerned with how I became scrupulous. I think I’ve p(name removed by moderator)ointed it to a couple of things.
There were some very good orthodox priests where I used to go to Mass and they stressed confession and not receiving communion while in the state of mortal sin. This makes sense because I’m sure many people haven’t been to confession in a while. Yet, in my mind it made mortal sin to be a common thing that most people are probably guilty off. (true mortal sin, actually knowing it) This got translated in my mind as “you must be commiting mortal sins, you think you’re so good you never commit mortal sins?”
Then, I’d hear from people such as those who post on forums asking for advise. They’d ask “did I commit a mortal sin?” and sometimes the response is “Yes, get to confession”. Now, I know people tend to rationalize things and sometimes they really know in their heart they commited a mortal sin. Assuming they aren’t just kidding themselves, how can anyone truly commit a mortal sin and not know it?! What about full knowledge, consent of the will, and grave matter? If you don’t know about one of those when you commited the sin, how can it be mortal? I mean, is it possible to commit a mortal sin and not know it? You can see how this really messed with my mind!
I don’t believe the people giving this advice are wrong. Afterall, no one wants to say don’t confess for fear of leading someone away from God and helping them in their sin. Nevertheless, I NEED to as a scrupulous person rationlize things and really see if there is sin or not. I can’t always just rely on “if it’s bothers you, it’s probably a sin” or “confess just to be sure” sort of things as these never get to the heart of the issue and emotions (especially in my case) aren’t reliable. I did this and my life was so full of anxiety I knew satan was having his way with me.
I have to really look at things and see if they are a sin or not so rationalizing is the only way to keep my confessor sane as to not bombard him with hundreds of things so he can explain why they aren’t a sin for reasons I already know. Yet, rationalizing something tends to make one feel like they are “rationalizing sin” and therefore are sinning again. It’s a lose lose situation.
Enough of my problems though. I was just wondering what you thought of things like not knowing whether you commited a mortal sin. How is this even possible?
Also, this may be just an opinion sort of thing, but is it likely someone go a long time or their whole life without commiting a true mortal sin? I mean, I can’t EVER imagine sinning with full knowledge, full consent of the will, and a grave matter knowing for sure it would send me to hell. I’d be happier to die the most painful death than feel the fear of knowing I’m doomed to hell for all eternity for doing something. I’m not trying to downplay mortal sin as something that never happens. I’m not looking for excuses to not ever go to confession as that isn’t an issue for me. I’m just trying to understand the nature of what mortal sin really is.
