Mortal Sin - Gravity of a Sin

[paperclip21]

I’m feeling really confused about mortal sin. I love God, and would never try to separate myself from Him. But I keep feeling like I’ve committed a mortal sin and I’m really worried about falling into scruples. What confuses me is how to tell if you’ve committed a grave sin.

For example, I’ve read that disrespecting your parents can be a mortal sin. I occasionally yell at mine, or lie to them or become really impatient with them, but is this really a grave sin?

I just can’t see myself seeing something as a grave sin if it’s a normal part of my everyday life. It just seems so subjective, unless the Church is really specific, like with self-abuse.

Can someone give me advice?

 

[JohnDamian]

A Mortal Sin is one which has Gravity; Full Consent and Full Knowlege.

Gravity is defined as a sin that is against the Ten Commandments.

Catechism of the Catholic Church; 1858: “Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: “Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother.” The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.”

Disrespecting your parents is a sin against the Fourth Commandment; and is a grave sin. When committed with BOTH full knowlege and full consent; it is a Mortal Sin.

 

[JRKH]

The best answer in all of this is to talk it over with your confessor and be guided by his advice. We here cannot fully assess a particular situation and if you have concern about a sin being mortal then you should get to confession right away.

Peace
James

 

[EmeraldWings]

I’m feeling really confused about mortal sin. I love God, and would never try to separate myself from Him. But I keep feeling like I’ve committed a mortal sin and I’m really worried about falling into scruples. What confuses me is how to tell if you’ve committed a grave sin.

For example, I’ve read that disrespecting your parents can be a mortal sin. I occasionally yell at mine, or lie to them or become really impatient with them, but is this really a grave sin?

I just can’t see myself seeing something as a grave sin if it’s a normal part of my everyday life. It just seems so subjective, unless the Church is really specific, like with self-abuse.

Can someone give me advice?

the best advice i can give you, as JRKH said, is talk to your confessor about all of this, he will tell you the degree of your sins as you explain them to him, but we cannot give you any clear black and white description of your own individual sins, because we do not know all the details that may change the nature of your sins,
that is what your priest is there for, that is his purpose in the confessional, go to him.

however, i do have something to say on this -

I just can’t see myself seeing something as a grave sin if it’s a normal part of my everyday life.

if being disrespectful to your parents is a part of your every day life, that is *not *“normal”, sin should not be a part of our lives, it is something that must be fought,
if aggravation and frustration is unavoidable with your parents, then what do you do? first of all, you do not have to yell at them, lie to them, or be impatient with them, although you may feel strong temptations to do so, but that is what you are supposed to be working on, that is what the practice of the virtues are, you need to pray for God to help you with an increase of your virtues, and then also do your part by acting in your virtues,
and so instead of seeing the situation with your parents as an unavoidable trap into sin, look at it as a perfect opportunity to practice your virtues,
instead of yelling at your parents, be silent, instead of lying to them, tell them the truth!,
and when you are tempted to impatience, try to remember Jesus in His agony, how patient He was for love of you, or think how patient God is with you now as you are so sinful, and use things like that to help you be more patient and kind.
also, always try to ask for help when you are tempted to sin in any way, because it is only by the grace of God that we can be good, we are completely dependent on His love and mercy, and so we must always go to Him in our times of need, and also His Blessed Mother, who also loves us so much, and who Jesus would not deny any request, so long as it is good for us,

if you would like to learn more on the degrees of sin, what makes something grave or venial, how to tell if you have sinned grievously, try listening to some of these -
audiosancto.org/categories/commandments.php
and there are many more good sermons on that site also on things like the virtues, and other matters of faith.

ok, hope this helps, take care.

 

[Bookcat]

I’m feeling really confused about mortal sin. I love God, and would never try to separate myself from Him. But I keep feeling like I’ve committed a mortal sin and I’m really worried about falling into scruples. What confuses me is how to tell if you’ve committed a grave sin.

For example, I’ve read that disrespecting your parents can be a mortal sin. I occasionally yell at mine, or lie to them or become really impatient with them, but is this really a grave sin?

I just can’t see myself seeing something as a grave sin if it’s a normal part of my everyday life. It just seems so subjective, unless the Church is really specific, like with self-abuse.

Can someone give me advice?

You really need a good confessor to help you determine such…for one does not want sin…or scruple

 

[stuart12]

There will be times when you become irritable with them, or impatient. Parents are not always the easiest people to live with. They do not help themselves either. These moments would only be venial. However, if such annoyance with them, results in yelling continually (not just a slight outburst) or hatred, when you have a huge problem.

 

[paperclip21]

if being disrespectful to your parents is a part of your every day life, that is *not *“normal”,.

Yeah, but it’s not normal to you (not meaning to sound harsh or anything ).I mean, in this particular example, I don’t yell at them everyday, but they do push me, particularly my mother. My parents were never married, and are separated now, my mother isn’t religious and my father doesn’t practice, and I’m a very young convert, so that’s not normal to begin with, I feel I have extra weight on my shoulders. So how am I supposed to tell if it’s normal enough to just be a venial sin?

Another example is lust. My confessor said fantasizing about genital contact is a sin, but I’ve read on this and other sites that even kissing is, or even the feeling of affection is. Who’s opinion am I supposed to take?

Also, I want to prevent a grave sin, just going to my confessor afterwards just doesn’t cut it. Shouldn’t my priority be to preventing sin in my life?

 

[John_of_Woking]

Yeah, but it’s not normal to you (not meaning to sound harsh or anything ).I mean, in this particular example, I don’t yell at them everyday, but they do push me, particularly my mother. My parents were never married, and are separated now, my mother isn’t religious and my father doesn’t practice, and I’m a very young convert, so that’s not normal to begin with, I feel I have extra weight on my shoulders. So how am I supposed to tell if it’s normal enough to just be a venial sin?

Another example is lust. My confessor said fantasizing about genital contact is a sin, but I’ve read on this and other sites that even kissing is, or even the feeling of affection is. Who’s opinion am I supposed to take?

Also, I want to prevent a grave sin, just going to my confessor afterwards just doesn’t cut it. Shouldn’t my priority be to preventing sin in my life?

I would try and be nice to your parents and gain loads of treasures in Heaven because it sounds like it may be a real act of charity …but don’t beat yourself up.

Regarding purity - feelings are not sinful. Just guard your heart and you’ll be alright. Be at peace. Well done for converting…especially at a young age…I was 19 .

Regarding kissing and the like…I am sure Jason Evert’s works may helps here

 

[JRKH]

Yeah, but it’s not normal to you (not meaning to sound harsh or anything ).I mean, in this particular example, I don’t yell at them everyday, but they do push me, particularly my mother. My parents were never married, and are separated now, my mother isn’t religious and my father doesn’t practice, and I’m a very young convert, so that’s not normal to begin with, I feel I have extra weight on my shoulders. So how am I supposed to tell if it’s normal enough to just be a venial sin?

By discussing it with your confessor and being guided by his advice.
By praying for the strength and grace to affect change in your responses to “provocations” your parent(s).
By reading and meditating on scripture.

Another example is lust. My confessor said fantasizing about genital contact is a sin, but I’ve read on this and other sites that even kissing is, or even the feeling of affection is. Who’s opinion am I supposed to take?

Again, be guided by your confessor. That is why God has provided him to you.
As for opinions on this board, they are just that, opinions.
Lust, indulged in, is a grave sin. But here is the thing. A random “lustful” thought is not a sin. Once you become aware of the thought you must decide either to reject it outright (avoid sin) or to accept the thought and indulge in it (sinful). When you speak of fantasizing, this involves more than random thoughts. It is a conscious process. Jesus speaks directly to this in the Gospel of Mt where He says that if you look at a woman with lust you have already committed adultery.
In a practical example, you an be in a resturant, see a beautiful woman and have an immediate thought of “she is beautiful”. This is not lust…BUT if your thoughts begin to move into the realm of “undressing her with your eyes”…or “I’d like to got o bed with her”…THEN you are into the realm of lust, and sin.

Also, I want to prevent a grave sin, just going to my confessor afterwards just doesn’t cut it. Shouldn’t my priority be to preventing sin in my life?

Absolutely. Our priority must always be to avoid sin whenever possible.
But don’t sell short the sacrament of confession and the graces obtained thereby.
It’s pretty obvious that you are young in your faith and have a great deal to overcome, as we all do.
I liken these things to “worldly” examples like athletics or dieting. Great committment and effort is required up front before any results are seen. And even then the results are small, but cumulaitve.
Take dieting - a good analogy…
First a person must recognize that what they are doing is unhealthy (just like sinning)
Then they must commit to changing their habits and lifestyle. (conversion)
When they begin a new diet, the weight doesn’t immediately go away. They must persist in their new regimen, training their bodies to deisre what is good and reject what is bad.
After some time they begin to see improvement. But only incrementally. maybe a pound or two per week.
If they fail, and succumb to temptation, the effect can be immediate. Emotionally because they regret failing, and physically because they regain some weight.
The only solution to this (temporary) failure is to recommit to the diet and press on…

Apply these things to your spiritual life, to your prayers, your habits etc. and you will begin to see improvement.

Peace
James

 

[EmeraldWings]

Yeah, but it’s not normal to you (not meaning to sound harsh or anything ).I mean, in this particular example, I don’t yell at them everyday, but they do push me, particularly my mother. My parents were never married, and are separated now, my mother isn’t religious and my father doesn’t practice, and I’m a very young convert, so that’s not normal to begin with, I feel I have extra weight on my shoulders. So how am I supposed to tell if it’s normal enough to just be a venial sin?

Another example is lust. My confessor said fantasizing about genital contact is a sin, but I’ve read on this and other sites that even kissing is, or even the feeling of affection is. Who’s opinion am I supposed to take?

Also, I want to prevent a grave sin, just going to my confessor afterwards just doesn’t cut it. Shouldn’t my priority be to preventing sin in my life?

when i say it’s not normal, i mean that sin, in and of itself, is not normal, but abnormal, because it is contrary to the law of God and His creation.
i understand what you are saying though, that it is normal in the sense that it is a common and usual occurrence with your parents, but what i mean to say is, it doesn’t have to be that way, and you can change, even if your parents don’t,
and of course i’m sure you’re aware of that, but what you need help with is how to do it,
also, don’t take venial sins lightly(not that you are), we are supposed to try and avoid all mortal and venial sins in our lives, so even if it’s just venial, you should take it just as seriously.

since you are more new to the faith, i would like to ask what kind of catholic education have you had?
if you have not really had any, or only had a little bit, then i think the answer to your problem is simply to get a good catholic education, which will take time, but you want it to be a gradual process, if you try to learn everything to fast you may become overwhelmed,
and then that way, you will learn the answers to the things you’re asking, plus much much more,
if you want, i do have several books and articles on this forum that i think you will find very helpful - gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewforum.php?f=211197

regarding the sin of lust, it’s not affection that is sinful, but sexual arousal outside of marriage, and the reason it is sinful outside of marriage is because that is what God intended it for, the purpose of it is for procreation and the show of love between husband and wife, and for those who are not married to take part in the sexual pleasures, is not only a sin against the 6th and 9th commandments, but also the 7th, which is “Thou shalt not steal”,
it is stealing because it is taking something that does not belong to you and using for your own selfish desires,
every sin of impurity is a mortal sin, unless not fully consented to, such as how impure thoughts can just pop into the mind without thinking, but they must be rejected as soon as you realize what you are doing,

to prevent grave sin, the best thing you can do is go to confession, the sacrament of penance gives you extra special graces to resist temptation to sin and also to grow in your virtues,
without confession and communion, overcoming your sins would be twice as hard,
if you want to learn remedies to avoid grave sins(and venial) there are several books and articles on that site i gave you that have to do with penance, mortification, the sacraments, the virtues, confession, and many other things,

of course i can help you out with anything else you’d like to know, so don’t hesitate to ask,
ok, hope this helps, take care.