Mortal Sin: worse than you think?

[JosephDColeman]

So lately I’ve been struggling with scrupulously. I’ve been worried that maybe my negative thoughts are a turning away from God, even when I say, “no no, don’t be like that” directly after thinking negatively.

I’ve been focusing on the mercy of God lately and I had this thought: “Mortal sin is worse than you think it is. If you are so worried about it, you aren’t committing mortal sin.” Would you agree with this thought?

I remember when I was younger and fornication was an issue I struggled with. I tried to follow God, but then I would say, “I’m going to do what I want and ask for forgiveness later.” Lately I’ve been comparing my bad thoughts and I realize I don’t take pleasure in them at all. Even when they happen, I do not take pleasure in them but it’s like I’m being afflicted by them. Does this mean I don’t will them? Seems like a stupid question, but maybe murderers don’t like killing and are still sinning…for rage is not a pleasurable experience.

I read somewhere that God’s grace is harder to lose than we think, but I don’t want to minimize the truth to make myself feel better either.

 

[CRV]

So lately I’ve been struggling with scrupulously.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to go and talk about matters with your priest. It really is , honestly, the very best thing someone who is scrupulous can do for their spiritual lives.

Mortal sin is worse than any of us humans think. We only have to look at a crucifix to realize this, as well as knowing that it kills the life of sanctifying grace within us. God knew this too - hence why He sent His only Son who came to heal the sick, for the forgiveness of sins.

Lately I’ve been comparing my bad thoughts and I realize I don’t take pleasure in them at all. Even when they happen, I do not take pleasure in them but it’s like I’m being afflicted by them.

Exactly! They are not willed by you, you are not deliberately seeking them, thinking them. When they appear in your mind these are temptations - once you realize they are wrong and you shouldn’t be thinking that and you determine to not continue with those thoughts, then you have rejected them and there is no sin. But once you realize they are wrong, but continue to think them, then you have consented to these thoughts and that is when sin enters.

Pardon & Peace by Fr Alfred Wilson. - these are only excerpts, but I highly recommend getting a copy for yourself.
https://www.amazon.com/Pardon-Peace-C-P-Alfred-Wilson/dp/1929291930

www.biblio.com has them a lot cheaper, or Abe Books.

 

[JosephDColeman]

I’ll have to check it out. As much as I read I’m actually surprised I haven’t thought to read anything on scruples.

 

[JosephDColeman]

the fact that you’re taking the time to work through this is proof your soul is going in the right direction.

That’s true. It’s just the thoughts are so infused with my feelings that as they occur I’m feeling them…this happens with thoughts of proving people wrong or fighting people. The scenario just pops in my head and I think of how I would react and start to feel angry toward the imaginary aggressor and then realize I shouldn’t be thinking like that and turn my attention away. But it’s like I got involved in the thought and was an actor in the play so to speak and I start to worry that I was dwelling on it. So then I tell myself that now I’m sorry for partaking in a vengeful thought so I must have done something wrong. Idk, it’s something I feel like a lot of people don’t understand.

My best friend is a Protestant and he’s all about the idea that we are children of God now and nothing we can do will kill grace in us. I’d say he’s wrong theologically but is always at peace and probably doesn’t despair like I do. I just can’t think that way because I trust the church’s authority.

I like to think God is allowing me to go through this for a reason.