Mortification and the fine line

[iwillrisenow]

Hello, I have a question about maintaining a spirit of mortification vs. knowing that it’s time to change a situation. Allow me to explain. I am living in a place (from the U.S., outside of the country) that I’ve come to realize is, at the very least, an opportunity to practice mortification…not so much in the physical sense (although, as with living in any country outside of one’s own, I’m going without plenty of “comforts”), but in the emotional and mental sense. While I’m used to not having a strong social network, living here is extremely isolating. I’ve tried joining activity groups and I’ve tried to get in with a local church in my area, but unfortunately, have been unable to meet anyone. Work is very isolating as well and there is very little time off due to the demands of the culture and the job. There is a lot of alcohol consumed here and it tends to be the center of social interaction. Something that happened to me with a member of the local church group I mentioned and some additional information from one of my coworkers has bruised my ability to trust others. There are a number of other things about the environment that make it difficult on a day to day basis, especially for women. I’m concerned about depression, which I’ve dealt with in the past and in the country that I am living in now it is not supported culturally or medically. Unfortunately, at this point, the negatives outweigh the positives. My original plan was to stay for a year and perhaps more…I am now considering whether or not to move on before the end of this year.

Before I came here, I was entering the Church and frequently went to daily Mass, adoration, confession…now that I am in this place, I have no access to the former and limited access to the latter, making it even more difficult to “survive” here. So the question is…should I try to “tough it out” in the spirit of mortification? Or should I consider the dangers of living in an environment like this and “cut my losses”? Returning to the U.S. wouldn’t be too rosy either at this point, but at least I could go to daily Mass, adoration, and begin the search for a spiritual director.

 

[TiggerS]

An extreme mortification which puts undue stress on emotional and mental wellbeing would be ill advised, I would think, without first seeking spiritual advice. I would be speaking to a priest or spiritual director. Certainly since you mention that you have had problems with depression in the past and that where you are now offers neither cultural or medical assistance you may/might be jeopardizing your health. It may also be that you are currently living in a situation that may be/could be one of temptation re excessive use of alchohol.

We are called to care for our health, which is God’s Gift to us. Catholic Catechism: "**2288 **Life and physical health are precious gifts entrusted to us by God. We must take reasonable care of them, taking into account the needs of others and the common good. "

I tend to suspect that if you have suffered with depression, which is an illness, and are concerned about it where you are and are able to move from that situation, that reasonable care would ask that perhaps you should, especially since where you are is not supportive of depressive illnesses culturally or medically. It may really depend too on why you are there i.e. needs of others and/or common good.

I would be speaking to a priest about the whole situation, filling him in fully. My own personal inclination would be to return to the US where there would be more supports for my Faith if not ideal support and not without problems, that is depending on what you mean exactly by “wouldn’t be too rosy” in the US. But then I tend to think I am not fully aware of the full actual situation from your Post, despite the actual details you have given, and I really think you need to seek spiritual advice before making a decision that might/could be a really major one all factors considered, and only you can answer this.

TS

 

[rebecca123]

Living overseas can be isolating for sure. Sometimes it takes a long time to make one good friend. It has taken me a year sometimes to make a couple. So there is a time factor there. Can be really lonely.

I totally understand about the limited access to daily mass , adoration and confession. Can you get there at least once per week?

Don’t be too quick to go home unless you are really sure you can’t stand it. There are a lot of ups and downs to life abroad.

God bless you, I will pray for you.

 

[baltobetsy]

Living a spirit of mortification, for regular old lay people like you and me, means accepting the little things that go wrong in the course of our daily life and work and living temperately when it comes to pleasurable things. It also means being detached from the good things that we do have, so that if they are taken away, we accept it gracefully and serenely. It does not mean that we stay in situations that are potentially or actually harmful. We are called to good stewardship of our bodies and our health.

The suffering you describe falls more into the realm of the extraordinary, and might be called for in the case of, for example, a religious bringing the faith into new areas of the world.

Please don’t worry about moving back to the US. Sometimes doing the prudent thing is also a mortification - of our pride.

Betsy

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Look first of all after your spiritual health. If the place you’re at is a bad influence on you, or a serious temptation to sin, then quickly return to the US. Also, it sounds like the place you’re at is bad for your mental health. Like Tigger says, we are called to watch out for our physical health. Don’t put yourself in a situation that would be dangerous for you, either mentally or spiritually.

Offer up to God as a mortification those trials you are currently enduring, but don’t remain in the midst of these trials if they really are having a bad affect on your mental or spiritual health, or if they have serious potential to do so. You are called to be a steward of your body and mind. You are a Temple of the Holy Spirit, and as steward over this temple, you need to take good care of it and treat it with kindness and mercy.

 

[iwillrisenow]

I do have access to Mass here on a weekly basis, which I am extremely grateful for. There is even a relatively large cathedral with Mass in English and confession prior to every Mass. The adoration/holy hours that I’ve seen have been during my scheduled work hours, and my job isn’t the type where I can request a change of schedule/day off to attend (even though time off without pay would be a small sacrifice to make for the chance to spend just one hour in adoration).

I’ve lived overseas before, dealt with the loneliness, and eventually found friends. In the other situations, however, there was always something else that kept me going in the meantime and I’ve never actually felt like I needed to leave a place for the sake of health and sanity. As far as things not being “rosy” in the U.S., I would be facing possible long-term unemployment (back to the recession) and having to move back home again without a car to an area where a car is really essential to get around (including to any possible job that I may get). My savings would also be limited, as I would most likely have to pay my employer here a great deal because of my departure and while I am more than ok financially here, I would really be struggling back home. Finally, I don’t really know anyone in the area where I grew up and have been quite miserable living there before…although having access to Mass, adoration, spiritual direction, etc. could ease the transition.

Either way, unless something extreme happens, I would need to stick it out until Nov/Dec at the earliest due to the semester schedule (I’m teaching) and the fact that I would like to do this as respectfully as possible (allowing the school sufficient time to find a replacement). I would feel different about it if it were, as baltobetsy mentioned, a missionary assignment or something else along those lines. That being said, I will try to make the most of my remaining time here. The students are wonderful, for the most part, and I’m thinking about getting certified for teaching when I get to the U.S. (after more reflection and consideration). It’s just the lifestyle here that makes it difficult to stay long-term.

 

[TiggerS]

It seems you have arrived at a decision and not unusual to have a problem and then through talking it out, to know which decision to make. I hope that your time until Nov/Dec will bring along Peace and The Lord’s consolations and that it will prove to be not all that difficult nor overly problematic to stay over the next few months. And I hope that your eventual return to the US will be filled with consolation and all hope fulfilled without any major problems. If there are ever any problems at any point, don’t hesitate to post and/or to talk with a priest. I have read more than once on Catholic Discussion Sites posts from members that the site is providing valued needed support, encouragement and advice.
Problems and/or difficulties that we cannot overcome can be united to The Sufferings of Jesus and are redemptive. We are never allowed more than we can endure - we only think now and then perhaps that we cannot endure - and there is always seeking of spiritual advice if problems and/or difficulties weigh most heavily.
Will be keeping you in prayer.

TS