Mother can or can't attend son's wedding?

  • Thread starter Thread starter snowbird
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

snowbird

Guest
This is a hypothetical but could very soon be a reality!!!

Can somebody please tell me if it is sinful for a Catholic mother to attend her son’s wedding who was brought up to be Catholic but chooses not to live the Catholic faith and would marry outside of the church?

I have been given different answers and would love to hear from somebody who knows the Church’s position on this!

I have been told that if one attends this wedding then they are creating scandal by “giving their blessing” and I have also been told by others that one could go but should let the son know how they feel about it.

What if you were told by your son that if you don’t attend the wedding then he will have hard feelings towards you because you wouldn’t be there for him on one of the most important days of his life even though he’s well aware of how important being Catholic is to you?
 
Can a mother - yes. No one is going to stop you or throw you in some sort of Catholic punishment for it.

Should a mother, that is a different story. I am a mother of a young adult son. We have discussed marriage and the Chrurch since he was a little kid, he knows that as a Catholic he is required to marry according to the laws of the Church. He also knows that should he decide to attempt an invalid marriage, mom and dad will not be there to witness it. He respects us and our faith and knows the WHY behind this. Is he planning a wedding, no, he is not even dating. We just have had the discussion way before it became an emotional one.

Speak to a good holy Priest who knows your son, you never know - his parents’ witness to the Faith just may be what brings him back!
 
kage_ar said:
Can a mother - yes. No one is going to stop you or throw you in some sort of Catholic punishment for it.

Should a mother, that is a different story. I am a mother of a young adult son. We have discussed marriage and the Chrurch since he was a little kid, he knows that as a Catholic he is required to marry according to the laws of the Church. He also knows that should he decide to attempt an invalid marriage, mom and dad will not be there to witness it. He respects us and our faith and knows the WHY behind this. Is he planning a wedding, no, he is not even dating. We just have had the discussion way before it became an emotional one.

Speak to a good holy Priest who knows your son, you never know - his parents’ witness to the Faith just may be what brings him back!
Click to expand...
We’ve had the same conversation with our children about marrying outside the church for years and I told him that I wanted him to understand this long before he ever put us in the postion that we would not to be able to attend his wedding and he was always in agreement until NOW.
 
I am always a little bit puzzled by questions like this, the intensity of response they generate and the disconnect from other principles people seem to hold.

On the one hand, on a whole host of issues, there seems to be a widespread consensus that adult children are ADULTS who need to be able to make their own decisions, even if they are not the best decisions. Parents shouldn’t meddle, especially in matters related to their adult children’s families. The adult son/daughter’s primary responsibility is to their spouse and their children and the parent should not interfere.

BUT when it comes to an adult child deciding to marry outside the Church, a whole host of people who normally agree with the above-stated principle suddenly suggest that meddling IS appropriate. This includes guilt-tripping and/or strong arming the adult son/daughter with threats not to attend the wedding as well as suggestions that as this man and wife start their married life together, what they should really be concerned about is what is most important to their parent. I see a big disconnect there.

Snowbird, if you are the parent in this situation, I feel for you. It must be difficult, even heartbreaking. I think the first thing to do is figure out why they are considering marrying outside the Church. Is it an interfaith marriage? Do they want to marry in the other partner’s church? If so, they can probably receive a dispensation to allow that. Have they decided (for whatever reasons) that they do not wish to practice the Catholic faith anymore? Is there some other reason? Does that reason seem legitimate or frivolous?Depending on the answers to those questions would probably depend on how I would respond. If what they really need is a dispensation, try to help them through the process.

It seems to me that the primary goal of the parent in a situation like this should be to communicate how serious a decision to marry outside the church would be and encourage the couple not to do so. If they do it anyway, the goal should be to keep the door open to help them eventually have their marriage regularized (hoping that is something they will eventually want to do).

Obviously, if the child formally defects from the church he is no longer bound by canonical form. I don’t think a parent should ever encourage that. It seems to me that staying away from the wedding would risk totally shuting down the channels of communications. I think there are a number of ways that a parent could express their concern about the, while still attending the ceremony. For example, a parent could ask not to have their name on the inviation, could not be formally seated as part of the ceremony, not be listed in the program, etc. Simply attend as any other guest would do. Staying away completely seems like a “nuclear option” and not likely to advance the goal (of eventually bringing the person back to the Church). Just my thoughts on the subject.
 
I know many others do not agree with my position, but, after stating my feelings and concerns, I would put on my mother-of-the-groom beige and attend. If I did not, I believe the breach with my adult child would be so great and so hurtful, that any opportunity for me to serve as a Catholic role model for him, his wife, and his family, would be lost. If I am gracious, however, I leave that door open, and the future may be much brighter than the present. The future may include a return to the Faith. And, in the meantime, I would pray and pray and pray that would be so.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top