Mother wants to convert my agnostic boyfriend to Catholicism

[1031396]

Hello everyone,

A little look into my situation…I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 yr. and 9 months; we are still in college together and will attend either graduate school or law school after we graduate. My parents have not exactly been the most supportive of this relationship. Let it be known they didn’t want me to be dating yet anyways (even though I’m 20 years old). Now, the real question is that since the beginning, my mother has tried to convert my bf to Catholicism. My bf used to be a non-denominational Christian, but his life experiences have made him angry at God and now he is Agnostic. I am still a practicing Catholic, but religion has been a point of contention between us. My mom has sat him down at dinner and told him that he should be Catholic in order to preserve the relationship and make us stronger as a couple. She has even sent him various emails about Catholicism as early as the first months of our relationship. I feel like she is pushing this too hard and the more she pushes it, the less he would be willing to do it. As it stands now, I’m not sure he will ever convert, but I know that with time he will become more comfortable with going to church out of respect for me. However, Mom/Dad continue to make brash comments against him for more reasons other than his religion: i.e. economic standing, his parents are divorced, etc. When they say certain things like that, I don’t feel they are giving me a good example of Catholic parents. Can anyone give me advice? Thank you so much and God Bless!

 

[snowbee]

Here’s a nickels worth of free advice.
Don’t date protestants.
Only date Catholics.
Too much trouble and conflict otherwise. You really don’t know what your missing out on by having a full relationship leading closer to God together through His Church.

 

[CatholicGuy22]

I agree if you take your faith seriously only date Catholics. But if you find this man special do some praying and have a serious talk to him that your faith is important. Please dont give up your Catholic Faith! Ive seen this happen many times, No man is worth giving up the Catholic Faith.

You are in my prayers

God bless:thumbsup:

 

[Kit15]

He shouldn’t become a Catholic “to make the relationship stronger”. He should only do it when he hears God calling him. And if that ever happens…there’s a possibility that it would not happen for years.

I don’t really have any advice on how to handle your parents. But pushy behavior does run the risk of pushing a person even further away.

But whether he’s going to convert or not actually isn’t the ticker for me. I’m married to an Agnostic and me may never convert either. But

What’s sticking out at me is that you said your boyfriend is “angry” with God and that religions seems to be a touchy subject. He does your boyfriend feel about the fact you are Catholic? Does it bother him? Does he get all uncomfortable when you bring up God? Does he ask you to not talk about God in front of him? Does he get offended if you pray for him? Does he feel bad for you because you’re a Catholic? Or is he happy for you? Does he want to see you grow in your faith? Spiritually speaking…while he may not be at your side, can you count on him to have your back? Would he support your faith journey, even when you are going through times of spiritual dryness, because he knows how important it is for you to stay Catholic?

If you make it marriage, is he going to be on board for NFP? Is he alright with you raising the kids Catholic or is he going to step on your toes?

Even though you’re not the same faith you should be able to talk about these issues and where you stand on them. You need to know what he thinks of you…all of you.

The thing to remember in all of this is that if your relationship is strong, it’s not because you are dealing with religious difference. It’s strong in spite of the fact you are dealing with your religious differences.

As for your mom I think she may be putting her nose in too far into the life of someone that isn’t her child. But do give her concerns some consideration. It sounds like she ultimately doesn’t want you to end up unhappy. I’m not going to tell you to only consider Catholics for marriage. But I will tell you to think really hard about this relationship and what a future together will be like. Realistically. I know you think he might go to Mass with you someday out of respect. But unless he’s doing that NOW, you have no way of knowing. So you can hope…but don’t expect it.

So I would have a frank talk with your boyfriend too.

 

[Onegin]

1. Don’t date an agnostic or an atheist. If religion is a point of contention for you now, it’s only going to get worse and no guy, no matter how great, is worth losing your faith over. I’m also against dating Protestants and other non-Catholic Christians but even there you at least have some common ground. With agnostics there is nothing, and you end up cheating yourself out of having the most stable beginning of a relationship, namely a shared belief and trust in God and all the graces and blessings that flow from it. Please prayerfully consider the decision to date this guy.
2. Don’t go to law school either. Trust me on this one, if a lack of shared faith isn’t bad enough, try throwing some crippling debt on top of the whole mess. I say this partially toungue-in-cheek but also seriously. Do also prayerfully consider the law school option, especially given the high unemployment rates in the legal sector right now and the enormous cost of legal education.

God bless.

 

[Apollos]

Hello everyone,

A little look into my situation…I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 yr. and 9 months; we are still in college together and will attend either graduate school or law school after we graduate. My parents have not exactly been the most supportive of this relationship. Let it be known they didn’t want me to be dating yet anyways (even though I’m 20 years old). Now, the real question is that since the beginning, my mother has tried to convert my bf to Catholicism. My bf used to be a non-denominational Christian, but his life experiences have made him angry at God and now he is Agnostic. I am still a practicing Catholic, but religion has been a point of contention between us. My mom has sat him down at dinner and told him that he should be Catholic in order to preserve the relationship and make us stronger as a couple. She has even sent him various emails about Catholicism as early as the first months of our relationship. I feel like she is pushing this too hard and the more she pushes it, the less he would be willing to do it. As it stands now, I’m not sure he will ever convert, but I know that with time he will become more comfortable with going to church out of respect for me. However, Mom/Dad continue to make brash comments against him for more reasons other than his religion: i.e. economic standing, his parents are divorced, etc. When they say certain things like that, I don’t feel they are giving me a good example of Catholic parents. Can anyone give me advice? Thank you so much and God Bless!

You’re both wrong.

Dump him.

Want reasons?

 

[agrange]

This religious question between you and the BF will only become more contentious as time goes on. Do not fool yourself into thinking he will come around out of respect for you.
This will surely cause a lot of trouble in the long run. Your parents are pushing this issue out of love for you. You may not understand it now, but you will later when you have your own children. Ponder the implications of being long term with a non-believer. What if you eventually marry and have children? What kind of example will be set by a non-believer. Think about it, no good can come out of this if you continue in this relationship. I’m sure he is an OK guy, but certainly not a marriage or fatherhood candidate material for a believing Catholic. Don’t let your heart rule your head.

BTW: Go to law school if that is your desire, this bad economy will not last forever.

 

[lizaanne]

Now, the real question is that since the beginning, my mother has tried to convert my bf to Catholicism.

God bless your mother for trying to get another soul to heaven!

My bf used to be a non-denominational Christian, but his life experiences have made him angry at God and now he is Agnostic.

Major red flag. Angry with God? This is not a way to head into a possible life long commitment with someone. If someone is angry with God, how can they possibly ever be happy with anything or anyone in their life?

I am still a practicing Catholic, but religion has been a point of contention between us.

And it may always be. Don’t spend the rest of your life like this.

As it stands now, I’m not sure he will ever convert, but I know that with time he will become more comfortable with going to church out of respect for me.

This is a very sad way to go through life - trust me. When you are receiving Holy Communion, wouldn’t you prefer to have the love of your life next to you? In lock step with you on everything you believe and hold dear? Never compromise when it comes to living the Faith.

However, Mom/Dad continue to make brash comments against him for more reasons other than his religion: i.e. economic standing, his parents are divorced, etc. When they say certain things like that, I don’t feel they are giving me a good example of Catholic parents. Can anyone give me advice? Thank you so much and God Bless!

They are being loving and concerned parents. They have seen in their lifetime the difficulty and anguish that can come from a mixed marriage. They may not have a great degree of tact, but it is clear that they are concerned for you and your future. Trust them - they seem to know what is important.

For a Catholic, the only purpose of dating is to discern marriage with a person. To date just to be together and have fun with no intention of marriage is unfair to both parties, and is essentially using the person for enjoyment and nothing else. It does not allow either person to be free to possibly find their future spouse if all they are doing is just dating for fun. If you love a person and feel you want to spend the rest of your life with them, then that is the approach you need to take on all matters - and the big one is religion. In this case, it sounds like this guy has some serious issues in that department. And if you don’t feel he will ever convert, you need to very seriously consider what the rest of your life will be like.

One of the most important responsibilities a spouse has in a marriage is helping their mate get to heaven. How can you possibly do that with someone who is already “angry with God”?

~Liza

 

[JRKH]

Hello everyone,

A little look into my situation…I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 yr. and 9 months; we are still in college together and will attend either graduate school or law school after we graduate. My parents have not exactly been the most supportive of this relationship. Let it be known they didn’t want me to be dating yet anyways (even though I’m 20 years old).

First of all welcome to the forums. I’m nost sure that "traditional catholicsim is the best place for this discussion - but…
Next, I see you’ve already recieved much advise about your relationship with this boy and not so much about your relationship with your mom.
My concern is not so much these, but with your relationship with God.

Quick question - How much dating have you done in your life. How many fellows have you gone out with…Experience (or lack therof) might be a big factor in this.

Now, the real question is that since the beginning, my mother has tried to convert my bf to Catholicism.

And you have not??? If you Love this fellow, and want what is best for him then getting him into heaven should be high on your priority list.

My bf used to be a non-denominational Christian, but his life experiences have made him angry at God and now he is Agnostic. I am still a practicing Catholic, but religion has been a point of contention between us.

Not sure I’m clear here do to confusing sentence structure. Has religion been an issue or not?
If it has, then this is a huge red flag and this person is not the one you want to commit to permanently.
If religion has NOT been apoint of contention then I’d have to ask why not. What does this say about your Love for God, which should be first and foremost in your life (See Mt 22:36-40).

My mom has sat him down at dinner and told him that he should be Catholic in order to preserve the relationship and make us stronger as a couple.

I agree with the others that converting must be for the right reasons or it serves no useful purpose, and could even backfire down the road. Having said that, I also agree with your mother that if he did convert (for the right reasons) it would strengthen the relationship.

She has even sent him various emails about Catholicism as early as the first months of our relationship. I feel like she is pushing this too hard and the more she pushes it, the less he would be willing to do it.

I assume you and he have discussed this and so you see how counterproductive your mother’s approach is so perhaps you need to talk to your mom, not so much about the goal as about the methodology.

As it stands now, I’m not sure he will ever convert, but I know that with time he will become more comfortable with going to church out of respect for me.

Until you are sure he will convert, I strongly advise that you not commit to this person exclusively (going steady) or permanently (marriage).

However, Mom/Dad continue to make brash comments against him for more reasons other than his religion: i.e. economic standing, his parents are divorced, etc. When they say certain things like that, I don’t feel they are giving me a good example of Catholic parents.

It’s impossible for us to judge your parents comments. If the things they say are true, but uncomfortable for you to hear, perhaps these are things you need to hear and your parents are being good Catholic parents. I wish I had listened more to my parents when I was younger.

Can anyone give me advice? Thank you so much and God Bless!

It’s difficult to give advise in these situations as we know so little.
You need to examine your own faith, and Love for God, who needs to be first and foremost in your mind and your life. God needs to be your first Love. Then, if He is, you have to ask yourself if you can reasonably expect to spend the rest of your life with someone who is angry with (and hates) your First Love.

I appreciate that you are trying to “keep the piece” between yourself, your mom and your BF. That is a christian attitude. But I think it is even more important that you examine your own faith and priorities so that you can make a correct decision that will protect your soul, improve your spiritual life, protect the souls of any offspring, and assure more souls reaching heaven.

Peace
James

 

[phoenixrrt62]

Eek. good luck with that…the BF sticking around, that is.
Between the faith issue and the parents disparaging other facets of his life…um, he’s going to be running far and fast pretty soon. I give him kudos for sticking around as long as he has. He must really love you.

Shame, that…that you have such differences. I suspect they may be very difficult to overcome.

You say your mother/father didn’t want you to date…not even this BF? I suspect you might not have a lot of experience in the dating world…I had the same dating problem, different reasons, and when I was 19, I dated and fell head over heels with the first guy I was serious about, and scared him no end, he ran far and fast.
Poor guy. He was too nice to deserve my (and my mother’s) craziness. He was Jewish, and I was somewhat Christian, leaning at that time toward Catholic religious instruction. That went by the wayside, too, but for different reasons;0P

 

[Dsivanish]

My $.02, and its worth exactly that.

I married my wife when I was a non-denominational Christian. She later decided to identify herself as a Secular Humanist, as before she had no religious preference. I recently came back to the Catholic church, and I am happier than I was before. At 40, I hope that I have the maturity to be a better example of a Christian to her, and try to appeal to her to follow. Having said all that, I have also had times when I was angry with Our Lord, and lashed out by trying to disbelieve in Him. I tried Bhuddism and occult, thank God, they didnt take. I never saw truth in them.

Your boyfriend will not be Saved unless he calls out to Jesus to save him. You cannot make that decision for him. You can be an example for him and help him on his way. That may be your cross to bear, but you have to pray about it and ask yourself if thats what you’re willing to do while maintaining a relationship with him. If you are not mature in your faith, his disbelief may drag you down with him. Misery doenst love company, it demands it.
I would say it would be easier not to be ‘yoked with unbelievers’, none can make this decision for you.

God bless.

 

[Houro]

G’day 1031396!

I have been in a similar situation. I have literally just broken up with my long term girlfriend because of the differences in our faith (I’m Catholic and she is Protestant). I loved and still love her, but we knew that it just wan’t going to work. People kept telling both of us this and we kept thinking that we were different and that we could make it work…

You need to really think about the future. Do you want to marry this bloke? And what happens when you start to get more and more serious about your faith as a Catholic? I went into my relationship thinking that I could either change her when we got married or that we could work it out. I found two things. First, I was so glad that I didn’t rush in and marry her because it would have been a massive mistake! And secondly, what about things like contraception? Is he going to help you with your faith and encourage you? What do you tell the children when one of you says one thing about God and the other something else?

Anyway, you are in my prayers. Don’t rush into anything and really think and pray about the future. It’s so easy to get caught up in the here and now, but just think about problems in the future and what the outcomes could be if you were married and something big came up…

I hope it all goes well!

Patrick

 

[DexUK]

This is a really difficult situation and with only a few lines of a description of the problems, it’s not easy to make hard and fast suggestions.

Are your parents being aggressive in their attempts to proselytise your boyfriend? Is it possible that they’re doing so in a calculated way, knowing his animosity towards Christian faith, such that it might drive him away? (If so, that would be horrid and, potentially, depending on their motivations, a sin against the Holy Spirit himself, by using the good of God for bad means, and if you’re reasonably well educated in the faith, you’ll know that that’s pretty much unforgivable).

I would say from experience in my family that mixed marriages aren’t necessarily doomed (a cousin married a muslim 25+ years ago: they’re still together, the kids succesfully brought up Catholic, etc). Considering the possible difficulties regarding that particular mix of religions, it isn’t automatically the case that an agnostic/atheist and Catholic marriage should automatically be doomed to fail.

If I were you I’d tell your parents that it’s not their job to proselytise my boy/girlfriend: they’re not his parents and were you ever to get married, he would be constantly wary of them. The best way to encourage the rejuvenation of his faith is by example, not lecture. They stand more chance at the moment of driving him further away from any Christian faith. Surely the better choice would be to expose him by example to good and honest Christian living so that there is in it an attraction for him.

If he loves you, then he’ll respect and support your Faith, even if he feels he cannot share in it himself. If your parents are quite deliberately piling on the pressure, then they should be ashamed of themselves.

 

[formeratl]

I firmly believe that in order for spouses to truly love one another, they must first love God even more than they love one another. I would be very apprehensive about the capacity of someone who is “angry with God” to the point of becoming an agnostic to truly love another person as they should in a marriage.

Remember - the love of spouses for one another should be modeled on the love that Christ has for His Church!

I will remember you in my prayers at Mass this morning.

 

[snowbee]

Are your parents being aggressive in their attempts to proselytise your boyfriend? Is it possible that they’re doing so in a calculated way, knowing his animosity towards Christian faith, such that it might drive him away? (If so, that would be horrid and, potentially, depending on their motivations, a sin against the Holy Spirit himself, by using the good of God for bad means, and if you’re reasonably well educated in the faith, you’ll know that that’s pretty much unforgivable).

I would say from experience in my family that mixed marriages aren’t necessarily doomed (a cousin married a muslim 25+ years ago: they’re still together, the kids succesfully brought up Catholic, etc). Considering the possible difficulties regarding that particular mix of religions, it isn’t automatically the case that an agnostic/atheist and Catholic marriage should automatically be doomed to fail.

First off all to 1 Cor 12:3 scripture,’ No one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” but by the Holy Spirit.’. You cannot sin by proclaiming the Kingdom of God. Yes, you may not do so tactfully, but if the receivers heart is hardened that is to blame.
Second of all, that “Muslim” wasn’t a very good one, if you are strong in your faith, you will raise your kids to the best of your abilities to the faith you truly believe.

 

[rwoehmke]

Hello everyone,

My bf used to be a non-denominational Christian, but his life experiences have made him angry at God and now he is Agnostic. I am still a practicing Catholic, but religion has been a point of contention between us.However, Mom/Dad continue to make brash comments against him for more reasons other than his religion: i.e. economic standing, his parents are divorced, etc. When they say certain things like that, I don’t feel they are giving me a good example of Catholic parents. Can anyone give me advice? Thank you so much and God Bless!

You’re parents are a bit pushy on the conversion angle, however in their evaluation of this prospect they sound pretty wise. This guy sounds to me like a “wounded bird.” Some people like to pick up wounded birds. It makes them feel valued and helpful,but when the wounded bird starts to heal they can get pretty nasty, particularly if one continues to treat them like a wounded bird. It is not a good way to form a long term relationship.

 

[DexUK]

First off all to 1 Cor 12:3 scripture,’ No one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” but by the Holy Spirit.’. You cannot sin by proclaiming the Kingdom of God. Yes, you may not do so tactfully, but if the receivers heart is hardened that is to blame.
Second of all, that “Muslim” wasn’t a very good one, if you are strong in your faith, you will raise your kids to the best of your abilities to the faith you truly believe.

You are right - you can’t sin just by saying ‘Jesus is Lord’. But you can sin in the way you say it if you do so in a way designed deliberately to hurt or alienate someone else. I would go so far as to say that could end up as blasphemy - taking the name of God in vain for one’s own impure purposes.

Certainly hectoring someone who is already at odds with the God is not going to help put their relationship with Him right. That person is probably more likely to need love, charity and a good example to follow, not lectures, bombardment and ‘bible bashing’. That drives someone in the original poster’s boyfriend’s position away.

And we’re not in the business of driving away souls in torment, are we?