Mother with high blood pressure who likes to drink alcohol

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Rozellelily

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I am very blessed that my elderly mother and father are still alive with us today and that they are relatively independent and still living in their own home.

I am constantly worried though because they have numerous health issues and my mum has extremely high blood pressure and is overweight.
I am worried that she will have a stroke because a person is not supposed to drink alcohol with blood pressure this high.

My mum has extremely poor “health literacy” or health understanding.
My parents came here as immigrants from ex Yugoslavija.
They naturally like to have a drink-a bit too much- (I am guilty too lol but I am still relatively young).

Does anyone have any advice how I can respectfully discourage my mum from drinking?
She is strong minded as us all are and will not listen and perceives it as family is bossing her.
She doesn’t understand though what a stroke even is and that is my concern.

I worry she wants to live today having a drink and be jolly but doesn’t understand that if she doesn’t look after health can have a stroke and not be happy again and with sometimes horrific consequences.

Once something happens,it’s too late then to have regret or wish you listened more about health earlier.

If we (daughters) try to talk about health to her she just zones out or is dismissive.

She can drink Rakija (brandy),champagne,beer etc…

My dad can be reasoned with bit more and he tries to tell her but he says he cannot force her do what she doesn’t want.
 
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Get some brochures on high blood pressure from the doctor’s office and share it with her.
 
The problem is she doesn’t understand English and even if I translate she just isn’t receptive.
I tried to printout about high blood pressure in our other language but she didn’t read it😔

He lack of health understanding is to such a poor level that when the doctor originally told her she had high blood pressure she boasted to me when I visited that the doctor said she was a strong woman who has strong blood!
 
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I don’t drink so much lol.
Just on weekend.
I try to “subtley” influence my mum by saying to her that I only for most part drink on weekends and not weekdays hoping she will follow my example but it still not getting through.
If try more direct approach though about health,she will just dismiss and get annoyed thinking children are being bossy.
 
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Try asking her to reduce it in stages.

Offer a goal of one, maybe two drinks a day. Probably one, though.

If she is unwilling do that for her health, then the drinking is alcoholism. Raise her awareness to that. But dont fight about it. It wont help. Just Express your disapproval, and maybe in decisive actions, like leaving her company if she is going for a second drink.
 
Her doctor has told her the dangers. Sit down and make sure she understands the risks.

If she does, then, she is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.
 
If she is not able to understand correctly what the doctor said to her, she need to go to her appointments with a translator and her physician should made be aware that she has a poor understanding of health issue. So he need to use very simple words and ask questions and ask her to reformulate to make sure she understand.

It is what the migrants people who don’t understand the langage do. If her physician refuses, it is time to find another.

Is there an association of migrants from her her country that could help?

If she accepts that, after having the stranslator and the doctor is aware, she needs to have an other appointment to discuss her health’s issue.
 
Has the doctor put her on blood pressure medication? Controlling high blood pressure is more important than the drinking!! I just recently had a spike in my blood pressure and it is affecting my kidneys. I’ve been put on two new medications to control it. I still need an adjustment. Please take her back to her doctor or find a new one. God Bless!
 
Definitely she’s a grown woman and I don’t treat her like “baby” etc at all.
Actually I really am very angry when I hear of elderly being treated like children in nursing homes or hospitals or bossed around like they have no opinions or rights.😡

The problem is that in my mum’s instance is that she doesn’t know what a stroke is.
She has heard from doctor drinking too much alcohol is bad etc but I don’t think she really understands the “what” of why it is bad.
She doesn’t understand what blood pressure means,how it is connected to the brain etc so then she can’t make the “next step” of understanding that alcohol has a negative effect on blood pressure.
(and in turn can cause a stroke).
 
Thankyou.
You are exactly right!
The doctor had not put her on any blood pressure medication even though she was taking some before.
Sometimes it feels like they don’t give a “hoot” and that they are just another number.

I believe they should go to another doctor but tbh,99 % of the doctors in their area (western suburbs) are just as bad and not fresh or modern in their approach.
They are all “stale” (if that makes sense) and have that simplistic mindset of “if it gets too bad go to the emergency department”.
They put a huge burden of stress on elderly patients.
Stress is very bad for health but these people seem to still be living in the dark about all this…

I will pray that your blood pressure levels improve:)
 
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Then get some lay-language medical information, some videos, have someone she feels is a peer or whom she looks up to (priest? deacon? nun? a nurse?) explain the science to her. Could be she does not feel her kids have the right to tell her what to do. She feels infantilized when that happens.

A healthy heart squeezes, beats, pumps the blood back and forth through the body, all the way from large veins/arteries to tiny tiny vessels. You know they way your heart beats harder when you are afraid or when you walk up a bunch of steps? Well that is making the pressure in those blood vessels higher.

Sometimes bodies have problems where that pressure is too high all of the time, or too low. Too low and you can just slip away into a coma, too high and those little vessels can pop causing you to bleed inside. If that happens in your lungs or your brain, it can be devastating.

Just explain it calmly in lay terms.
 
My mother has multiple health issues due to her age and weight.
Sometimes I worry that doctors are focusing on her most “presenting symptom” of infected leg ulcer but then neglecting her dangerous blood pressure.

She did see a different doctor who was helpful enough to at least prescribe antibiotics (for the infected ulcer) but then apparently she spent another 20 minutes “rambling” to my parents about how to go to emergency department,what time to go there early in the morning to be seen in 4 hours instead of 7,which ED´s service the least amount of population etc…l

The awful reality is many doctors don’t care enough about elderly people to prevent them from getting strokes or sepsis etc.
 
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My parents are part of the problem to some degree.
They have a mentality of public system,only wanting to see doctors that are nearby etc.

They are elderly so naturally it’s hard to travel,but in reality some people go interstate just to see a hairdresser that’s good!

I believe you get what you pay for in this world (including quality of healthcare).

My mum also say dismissive things like “Godmother xyz” is not fat but she also has health problem and needs a walking stick…

The government doesn’t care enough about elderly in poorer areas either.
For example,they could provide subsidies for health food because while my dad knows my mum’s weight is a danger,he buys often cheap takeaway like KFC,pizza etc.
There are literally NO healthy food takeaway options in their area because the people are ignorant about health and provide no desire/market/drive for healthy take away options.
This mentality is referring to the Australian background people in the area too.
The governments could create healthy takeaway ships in this area or at least prevent places like kfc etc from operating in these areas that have high obesity,low health awareness etc.

Of course the government will not do this though because it will cost money.
In reality it will save them money in the long term as there will be less use of public hospitals if they helped people eat healthy!

I bought my mum beetroot juice because I read it potentially (?) can help with blood pressure but she wouldn’t drink it because she didn’t like the taste!

In case it comes across that way,I do not express these frustrations to my parents.

I am only speaking respectfully but internally I stress when you try to help someone and they won’t always help themselves…
 
When I try to say what you mention about the heart in matter of fact calm way,she is not interested and zones out.
Maybe she is not understanding or maybe she’s not interested in “medical speak” ,it’s hard to tell…

I don’t say it forcefully or know it all way etc so I don’t think with me she feels infantalised.
I think my sister though can sometimes come across a bit this way when she mentions to my mum things like “we will drink soft drink today instead of alcohol” or “the doctor said you shouldn’t be drinking alcohol” because my sister is coming from anxiety/fear and then my mum can get visibly irritated.

With me though,even though I speak just gently about the medical stuff she will just change the topic to something like “you have a nice blouse” or “how is my cat going” etc lol.

The reason for her ulcer wound is that the leg veins are not pumping back to the heart properly.
She had DVT In leg previously and has thankfully (:crossed_fingers:) agreed to get scans of her arteries and veins done.

Perhaps she doesn’t see us as qualified to “officially” know medical knowledge-I don’t know?

I wish I could take her to a doctor of our background who can say to her directly in our language about stuff about the body so she hear from an “official directly” but my parents won’t go because they are too far.
Plus she also needs doctor in close distance to see regularly I suppose…
 
You explained it to her.
She’s set in her ways.
There’s no ethical dilemma here (for you).

What is her mobility like? Would she take a walk if you invited her? Would she eat a healthy salad with lean chicken on it if you brought it to her?
 
Last time my mum was admitted to hospital there actually was a translator present who translated the doctors message that a community nurse can be arranged to come to house and change bandages however my mum said to him even “no way” (she didn’t trust that they wouldn’t steal anything).
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
What is her mobility like? Would she take a walk if you invited her? Would she eat a healthy salad with lean chicken on it if you brought it to her?
Click to expand...
At this stage,thank God,her mobility is still ok but she does use a frame sometimes.
Sadly no to the rest all of the above.
I have tried to say let go to the shops but she says she is happy at home.
Her leg needs circulation to heal but she won’t exercise.

In her (mis)perception it will all work out fine because she doesn’t understand about medical things like sepsis and stroke.

She understands it as “just a leg issue” and doesn’t understand about bacteria being able to kill or stroke effects etc.
 
I’m very sorry for what happened in your situation.

You are 100 % right that nobody really can (or should try to) control anybody else.

I have been blessed with a very loving and generous mum.
As you mentioned, it hard to watch people you love make counter productive choices.

In my mother’s instance,lack of education seems such a barrier.
She will affirm to herself that my godmother is thin but she is using a walking stick.
She doesn’t understand that doesn’t diminish the health risks of being overweight.
It just means that there are other additional illnesses that “target” the skinny too.
 
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