Mothers: intercourse after childbirth - lack of interest?

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mass4life

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I’ve had my third child - two months old - and I have absolutely zero interest in intercourse. I am nursing my 19-month-old and two-month-old. Also have 3-yr-old.

With my first two, I guess I had interest but was very tired, now I am tired but just have no interest.

Anyone gone through this? Does this go away?
 
there is another thread on this, some great replies and sharing, it is called exhaustion, which is incompatible with desire. In other words, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
 
I commented to a family practice doc once that exhaustion was the most popular form of “birth control.”

Her reply: "Maybe not the most popular, but certainly the most prevalent.
 
I had this after my third child as well. My first was not even two when I had my third, so like yours, mine are very close together. I didn’t have this problem with my first two, but only my third. I can say that the lack of interest WILL go away. Your hormones are racing right now. Until your body get back into the “swing of things”, it may be a challenge for a while. Before my baby was 3 months old, my husband was sent away for 12 weeks for training. That definitely cures the problem! 🙂

My advice is to spend some time with JUST your husband one evening. Put the kiddos down early for the night, or have someone else watch them (I know, hard to do when you are nursing). Take a sip of wine, cuddle, and hopefully things will come naturally. I wouldn’t force it, but sometimes the “cold water” isn’t so bad once you jump in. 😉
 
I am so glad to see this thread. I don’t have any great advice for you Mass4life, but I can definitely relate to the feelings you’re having. I have wanted to start such a thread myself, but since it was such a personal topic, I was too embarrassed. :o

My problem, though, is that I can’t tell if I should really just chalk it up to exhaustion, or if there is something else going on. I have a 15 month old at home and am due with my second baby May 11th. I also work full-time out of the home… so I know I am exhausted. However, I was also sexually abused when I was a child, so I’ve always had “issues” surrounding sex. I’ve been to counseling for the abuse, but still every time my husband and I are intimate, my head is screaming “Get off of me!!!” at him. And I know that isn’t good.

So, I look forward to any advice on this thread for Mass4life… maybe it can help me too.

And Annie, you said there’s another thread regarding this issue on these forums… do you happen to know the subject so I can search for it? I know I need to deal with this situation as my husband is getting unhappy about it.

Thanks so much and God Bless.
 
You are only eight weeks after childbirth as well. I always heard the joke that the interest in sex returns when the last one leaves for college.
 
I always lost interest until I quit breastfeeding when my babies were about 12 months. Those hormones do a number on your libido!

Another reason breastfeeding also works as “birth control”. 😉
 
You might want to consider weaning your older child and continuing only with the newborn. Nursing one baby is enough to make you have no interest in relations with your husband, I can only imagine what nursing 2 at a time does. Also, it has only been 2 months. I noticed that the time it took to regain my libido took a little longer after each birth. (I have 4). Last time seemed to last a really long time! I wanted to be in the mood, really. My hormones just weren’t on the same page. So, keep your chin up, it won’t last forever. Promise 😉 And if your husband is patient and gentle with you, he will reap the rewards when you get back to your old self!! Remind him of that! 😃
 
I had zero interest as well after my third. I think a lot of the reason had to do with my age (I was 33) and having two other small children to take care of. I also had postpartum depression which added to my lack of interest.

Please try not to worry…it really is normal! AirForceMama had some very good advice…you need some “quality” time not only for yourself, but for you and your husband.

God Bless
Sandy
 
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SavedByHim:
I know I need to deal with this situation as my husband is getting unhappy about it.
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Have you been dead honest with your husband about your feelings? I know it may be hard to do because you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but he should know and try to understand where you’re coming from. Certain times in marriage call for tenderness and understanding (maybe even abstinence). If this means your sex life has to take a back seat for awhile until you get your groove back, then so be it. Nothing is worse than having sex when you don’t want to have it. That puts the act on a level that it wasn’t intended to be on.
 
DVIN CKS:
Have you been dead honest with your husband about your feelings? I know it may be hard to do because you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but he should know and try to understand where you’re coming from. Certain times in marriage call for tenderness and understanding (maybe even abstinence). If this means your sex life has to take a back seat for awhile until you get your groove back, then so be it. Nothing is worse than having sex when you don’t want to have it. That puts the act on a level that it wasn’t intended to be on.
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Yes, he’s aware of my feelings. And in all fairness to him, he tries, he really does, to approach me in a way that is tender and loving. It is just that I PERCEIVE it to be “lustful” and disgusting. For example, last night, he went to give me a back rub. Most wives would revel in this opportunity and enjoy it. But not me! Oh no. The whole time, I sat there thinking, “So, I suppose he’s going to want sex after this.” (For the record he didn’t. Bless his heart, he finished it with a kiss on my cheek and rolled over to read his book.) Just writing this, I realize how much I love him. I really am so lucky to have him and to have him be so understanding. I just worry about our marriage… a marriage can’t go on forever without intimate relations. We’re not Mary and Joseph. 😉
 
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SavedByHim:
It is just that I PERCEIVE it to be “lustful” and disgusting. For example, last night, he went to give me a back rub. Most wives would revel in this opportunity and enjoy it. But not me! Oh no. The whole time, I sat there thinking, “So, I suppose he’s going to want sex after this.”
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Boy, can I relate to that! 😉
 
You know female rats usually become pregnant again 24h after delivery?😃
 
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abcdefg:
You know female rats usually become pregnant again 24h after delivery?😃
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That long? :whistle: The mice I work with go into estrus and mate again within a few hours of giving birth. So the female becomes pregnant with a second litter while still nursing the first. At that rate they give birth to a litter of 3-7 pups every 3 weeks or so. Very efficient!😃
 
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