Move Closer to Family, or stay away?

[beckyann2597]

DH and I were talking about moving closer to the grandparents. All of them live in the same town, about an hour and a half drive away. We moved here 4 yrs ago for DH work, but we feel like we could make a change next year. The pros would be 1- being closer to Uncles and grandparents 2- family are ready made babysitters (we have nobody in town and barely ever go out).
The cons of moving closer to family is, well, that we will be closer to the drama! MIL loves us and the kids but can never seem to keep critisism to herself. I guess I am afraid of living too close to eager to be involved family! What has worked out better for you all? Living close to or far away from family?

 

[rayne89]

It really depends on the relationship with your family and your personality type. My best friend would live next door to her family and love it. For a while during the time their house was being built she spent some time living with her inlaws and some time living with her married sister. She was very sad when that time was over. I on the otherhand consider that a night mare. I need my personal space.

I love my parents very much even though we have disagreements but I also love my privacy. I do not like people dropping in unannounced and spending nearly everyday with my family would make me nuts. I really like having a rather large amount of time just with my hubby and daughter.

My inlaws live an hour and a half away which means we rarely see my father inlaw (good thing) but we also rarely see my mother inlaw ( not so good thing). Although if she lived really close she’d probably be over more frequently then I’d care for. She’s also pentecostal and if we lived near them she would contantly be inviting us to all her church things. She accepts that we’re Catholic but I still think she’s praying for our conversion.

My parents are about 25 minutes away. Which really isn’t far but my mom won’t drive more then a mile away from their house. She rarely drives at all anymore. She expects to talk to me daily on the phone and if more then 2 days go by I get the “We could be dead and you’d never know it” speach. Being very close she’d expect me over nearly everyday and I really enjoy my solitude. Plus my mom and I have a history of conflict and too much time together brings out the worst in us.

It really depends on what your comfortable with.

 

[Forest-Pine]

I agree with the comfort level thing. I had a pretty difficult relationship with my parents. When I moved half-way across the country, the relationship improved greatly. We’ve stayed on wonderful terms for years! On the other hand, my in-laws live a few blocks from us. And aunts and uncles and grandma all in my husband’s family are close by (perfect for ganging up on us to make our lives miserable if we do something they don’t like). I thought it was great at first–built in babysitting, free food, etc. That wore off REAL fast! Then I spent a year explaining how my in-laws were controlling and manipulative and purposefully undermining my authority as a parent to my husband who couldn’t see it. Then the next year trying to minimize it while still having a relationship with them. It dawned on him and we’ve spent the last 3 months blissfully avoiding them as much as possible. Of course, he still gets the guilt trip emails and phone calls that they are practically within sight distance of us and never see him, that they know some guy who drives from hours away to see his parents twice a month, blah blah blah. They drive by our house and call to say we need to mow. We are talking about moving overseas and not leaving a forwarding address!!

(My point is not that you will go through the same thing, but if you could see yourself in my story then I suggest you steer clear. We haven’t gone out in so long I don’t remember the last time we did. They haven’t babysit in over a year. It is nice to have the family if they act like family. But if they don’t respect you as a wife and mother it is all just a dream about how things should have gone. Don’t let that be you.)

 

[ben_dy]

With only remnants of family remaining I still feel best - even when arguing over matters both great and small - when I am near what remains of my family. My circumstances are, soon, to draw me away from the remnant in the south but closer to the remnant in the north. Having lost so many family members to death early in my life (and early in their lives) I am overly emotional about the subject and tend to discount the bad and accentuate and recall the ‘good’ and the ‘best’.

If there are remnants of family whom you love and whose faults you are able to take in stride (and forgiveness) I would move closer. If it proves to be a burden, you can always move away again - but should you not make the move to be closer you might live to regret the fact that you made no attempt: and in older age, when family reunions can be held in a small home rather than in a KoC hall, you may find that regret is not only a terrible feeling, but a feeling that ‘feels’ like a sin of not doing enough to love those whom we should, particularly, love.

 

[scanj05]

I am in the same situation. I live in sacramento and all my family lives in Portland. I would like to move closer so that our children will be near family, but if we do there is a lot or drama up there. My husband family lives inSac but we see them twice a year if even that.

I will pray for you.
crystal

 

[dhgray]

I love my family, basically since we live in diferent states.

We are close enough to visit on a long weekend, but too far away to move a couch.

You must also consider your husband would have a longer commute. Gas prices is up and he would be on the road longer than norman, and we all get tired.

I would stay put and let them visit. As for going out, make friends in your local church and get involved.

My darling wife and I just spend a great weekend in Orlando … without the kids. 1st vacation from them in 13 years…Thank GOD we have a CFC family in Chicago.

(for more information about CFC click in the link in my signature block)

 

[beckyann2597]

Actually, the plan was to change jobs and just move our entire lives closer to family. My husband and I are people who get very involved. Within 2 years of moving here, I had started singing at church, my husband took over music ministry for one of the masses at our church, I became very involved with church activities(started a Mom’s group in our parish with a group of moms), served on the elected board of a local group of moms to do service and build community, and co-lead a Girl Scout Troop. Add soccer practice, working out, and cleaning into the mix and I am a very busy lady, to say the least
I actually really love my friends and the support system I have going here. The kids have playdates all the time and call our friends “Aunt” and “Uncle”. We love our church community. We are happy and independent.
I think because my SIL moved across the country and my sister and nephews moved out of state, DH and I are worrying about our parents not having us close to them as they get older. We are able to see them once a month, but it isn’t the same as being able to drop by for dinner-you know?

 

[dhgray]

beckyann2597:

it isn’t the same as being able to drop by for dinner-you know?

Yes I know. Kids could learn a lot from the grandparents.