Moving on after being cheated on?

[Blue_Rose]

The past few months I was getting to know a guy and began dating him and recently found out I’m not the only girl he’s been seeing.
This guy I met on a Catholic website and seemed genuine but has done this to me and broken my heart.
I feel like I’ve lost faith in finding a decent Catholic man.
What can I do? How can I stop feeling so hurt?

 

[1ke]

The past few months I was getting to know a guy and began dating him and recently found out I’m not the only girl he’s been seeing.

that doesn’t sound like cheating. that sounds like normal dating. You were just getting to know him. That does not imply exclusivity, nor should it.

Did he specifically ask for exclusivity or did you?

This guy I met on a Catholic website and seemed genuine but has done this to me and broken my heart.

I’m sure he is genuine. I find it difficult to reconcile “getting to know” a guy and “began dating” someone with “broken heart”. that seems a bit disproportionate.

I feel like I’ve lost faith in finding a decent Catholic man.

Because one man that you were just getting to know and starting to date was not exclusive with you? I don’t understand.

How can I stop feeling so hurt?

By realizing that perhaps you had some unrealistic expectations for early stages of dating. Without knowing more, it’s hard to say.

Perhaps explore these questions through reflection: Why do you feel so hurt? Why did you expect exclusivity? Why do you believe that he was “cheating”? When do you expect exclusivity in a relationship and how have you communicated that to others? Are your expectations out of line with the time of dating? Do you become emotionally attached with someone too soon or do you share too much intimacy with that person when only at a dating level?

 

[Xantippe]

that doesn’t sound like cheating. that sounds like normal dating. You were just getting to know him. That does not imply exclusivity, nor should it.

Did he specifically ask for exclusivity or did you?

I’m sure he is genuine. I find it difficult to reconcile “getting to know” a guy and “began dating” someone with “broken heart”. that seems a bit disproportionate.

Because one man that you were just getting to know and starting to date was not exclusive with you? I don’t understand.

By realizing that perhaps you had some unrealistic expectations for early stages of dating. Without knowing more, it’s hard to say.

Perhaps explore these questions through reflection: Why do you feel so hurt? Why did you expect exclusivity? Why do you believe that he was “cheating”? When do you expect exclusivity in a relationship and how have you communicated that to others? Are your expectations out of line with the time of dating? Do you become emotionally attached with someone too soon or do you share too much intimacy with that person when only at a dating level?

Exactly.

It’s quite OK to date multiple people at the same time, right up until you have an exclusivity talk.

 

[SuperLuigi]

BlueRose:

I understand how you feel. It’s probably unnerving and shocking.

Exactly.

It’s quite OK to date multiple people at the same time, right up until you have an exclusivity talk.

I want to emphasize that in on-line dating this happens a lot. When people sign up for a site, some of them want to get the most out of it.

I think everyone needs to prepare for that and accept it as more or less normal.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone to be exclusive until you’ve had the talk as the prior said.

People should not assume that just because you skype, call or chat that you’re together, or even if you go out. I’ve had this happen to me before, and it is REALLY annoying.

Again, you need to discuss being exclusive. :yup:

 

[Zapfenstreich]

I feel like I’ve lost faith in finding a decent Catholic man.
What can I do? How can I stop feeling so hurt?

You might not find a decent Catholic man.

Let that sink in for a second.

I’ve given up on finding a Catholic gal to whom I’m attracted enough to give marriage a go, (or more accurately, one who could put up with me), so you’ve always got to be ready to accept that it just might not be what God has in mind for you, no matter how much you want it.

On the “what can do?” side of the question, the answer is as simple as it is hard: forget about him. You won’t stop feeling hurt in the short term. There is no cure for that kind of hurt, except time.

There’s a great song by Maggie Rose called “Better” - not saying that it applies to your situation, as her remedy to a break-up involves drinking and messing around, but it expresses the deep sadness and also the getting over it. Might be worth a listen.

 

[CatholicGuy31]

The past few months I was getting to know a guy and began dating him and recently found out I’m not the only girl he’s been seeing.
This guy I met on a Catholic website and seemed genuine but has done this to me and broken my heart.
I feel like I’ve lost faith in finding a decent Catholic man.
What can I do? How can I stop feeling so hurt?

I am really sorry to hear this. I would suggest praying for this person and also praying for other singles. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this sort of thing, you have to let it hurt for a little while before it starts getting better. Some time spent alone praying to our Blessed Mother would be very helpful.

I think the problem is with modern dating where the rules are relaxed. Maybe you need to find someone who still respects Catholic courtship.