Hi everyone, my name is Peter and I’ve been “lurking” here for quite a while now. I’ve been Church of England all my life, but have found myself drawn to Catholicism quite strongly recently mainly because of the church’s establishment by Christ and the clear instruction it gives on moral issues. I’ve always admired how the Catholic Church stands up to immorality in society and tries to actively guide people to do the right thing. I discovered this forum during attempts to find out more. I’ve learned a lot by reading and started to understand the tenants of the faith better. I’ve also been researching local Catholic churches. I already knew where they are, since I walk or drive past a number quite regularly. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to attend mass for a while now. I have anxiety problems and half the time feel like I’m not good enough to become a Catholic. I also have OCD and am already prone to obsess about what is and isn’t sinful. I’ve actually found it quite helpful to be able to access guidance on this in the Church’s teachings through my online research. But I pity the poor priest who would have to listen to me confess!
Currently, I’m finishing a masters degree in law and corporate governance and next month I start the Legal Practice Course to train to become a solicitor. I keep asking myself if I’m doing the right thing here, as I have never really known what career to pursue and I’m continually asking God to guide me in this at the moment.
I’d appreciate any insights or advice anyone has on either issue - whether I should convert and how I should get the courage to make the first step, and whether I am doing the right thing with my life. I’d also appreciate your prayers that I may have the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it.
I don’t know if this can be of benefit. Hopefully, it might. Please bear with me if you wish.
I’m mostly of Irish descent, and half my relatives were very, very Irish. In many ways, though one might not think it, Irish and English are not so very different. Both have some tendency to take a rather grim view of morality; the God of fisticuffs and so on for the Irish; the God of the “Thin Red Line” for the English. Not so different. Certainly among my Irish elders, there was a kind of assumption that the minimum moral standard is perfection. And somehow there is the thought that if I can’t be perfect, then I might as well be depraved. But the positive side of it is heroism. Irish and English both, deep in their hearts, want to be heroic.
Fortunately, I am also of Italian descent…Alpine. Alpine Italians in my family were and are seriously fervent people. But always there was, among them, a sense that sin is almost a joke; serious enough in its potential consequences, but there was always a lively sense that, well, I’ll to to confession and unload and then be as carefree as Italians often are, knowing full well that I’ll probably fall again, but be forgiven again. The image of God they had was that of a kindly Italian grandfather who winks and sneaks a piece of candy to a child who has been bad and is being punished by its parents. “Well, that’s done” he says, “You can start over now”. Alpine Italians can be heroic (no army served better in Russia during WWII than the “Alpini Divisions”. They even rescued some German units.) but they don’t think they have to be.
And so, I guess I’m kind of a mixture of the two. But the older I get, the more I think of the Italian way. I’ll blow it. I know I will. But I also know I’ll always seek forgiveness and I’ll mean it. And I know I’ll want forgiveness, and I know I’ll receive it.
Wasn’t it Belloc who said “Wherever the Catholic sun does shine, there’s music, laughter and good red wine. At least I’ve always found it so. Benedicamus Domino.” Music, laughter and good red wine. I like that, and I like my Catholicism to be like that.
If you tend to OCD, I’ll add this. I have a great deal of admiration for Ste Therese of Lisieux. She told the story of the king and the rabbit.
The king is out hunting. He spies the rabbit and gives chase. The rabbit runs. He twists and dodges and does every rabbit trick to elude a hunter, but the king is still behind him. Finally, the rabbit comes to a high bank and can go no farther. He is trapped. His doom is sealed. The king approaches close to him.
So what does the rabbit do?
He leaps into the arms of the king, and is saved.
Is the God of Catholicism the king, and are we the rabbit? Is it like that? Ste Therese thought so, and she is considered a Doctor of the Church. She opined that if she had committed every sin there was to commit, she would still not fear God because she loved Him and knew she did. And she showed it in her “little way” every day of her life.
One ought to read her, particularly if one is OCD. The language is a bit archaic and romantic, but there is a wisdom to it that is jaw-dropping.
I wish you the best on your journey; on both, really.
Oh yes, don’t worry about confessing to a priest. He has heard it all and far, far worse than you could even invent. As Chesterton said “The Catholic Church is for saints and sinners.”
And by the way, if you go to a Catholic Mass, think of it this way. I always do. I recall someone saying that the closest we get to heaven here is at Holy Communion. A brief union with God. I think of that every single time I go. So, when you observe it, think about it that way. Is it simplistic, even naive, to think such things? Sure it is, in a way. But then, Jesus bade us to be “as little children”, didn’t He? And didn’t He tell us exactly that we receive Him? It’s not conceptual. It’s not theoretical. He told us that we receive Him exactly, just exactly.
