Must I Forget In Order To Forgive?

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Sometimes, completely out of the blue, I will remember an experience in which I felt hurt/embarrassed/wronged. I find myself feeling all those same feelings of humiliation/anger/desire for revenge etc that I felt all that time ago and had thought I had forgiven, confessed, repented and forgotten.

Why do those same feelings suddenly surface after such a long time. :confused: It can be something quite small or a major event and it just pops into my head out of nowhere. I have happy memories do that too but it’s feeling those same negative emotions that bothers me.

Does it mean that I haven’t really forgiven that person after all? Do I need to go to confession again for the repeat feelings of anger etc? If these thoughts and feelings come unbidden how can I get them to stop?
 
Well, to forgive =/ to forget and vice versa.It’s only by God’s grace that you can overcome this.

I experienced it, when I thought I’ve forgiven a friend, I still felt the pain when we met. The truth is that for 5 years we didn’t meet each other as we live in different countries. Thus, I actually forgot about it. The feeling came back when I met him again. It was a long and difficult process. Most of the time, we try to forget in order to avoid the feeling, but the pain is still there.
Pray, pray and pray.

I’ll keep you in my prayer.
 
No you do not need to forget to forgive.

Can you forget your own sins against God and against your brothers and sisters? No they are always before you. It is the same for everyone who knows their sins (even after absolution the memory is not wiped of the recollection of sins). In repentance and absolution we are forgiven by God and that sin is gone in the eyes of God but we can still recall it and this serves not to persecute us but to remind us we are weak and remain thankful to Christ Jesus for His Eternal Sacrifice.

Your memory is not impaired therefore the rememberance of such sins against us is not there to fire up hatred and to drive away our forgiveness of the other (this is a temptation of the evil one) but when functioning justly, your memory serves to remind you to remain forgiving of and always pray for the person who sinned against you and did you a disservice instead of serving you in love.

The memory is not erased, this side of life it can’t be like that, but what happens over time is that the memory is less vivid and so when recalling the sin against us we can react to it in love and charity towards the ones who have sinned against us and God.

God is Eternal and exists in the eternal moment, rough and deep concept to fathom, but because of this although all things throughout eternity that has happened, is happening and is to come are constantly before Him, God can and does blot out the offense in the Precious Blood of Christ Jesus in His Eternal Sacrifice of the Cross for the debt owed from our sins.

We who exist here in the finite with a finite mind must will that our memory serve us to be yet more forgiving and on recollection of sins against us to forgive over and over that sin against us and grow in love of the sinner being sinners ourselves and always pray for those who have sinned against us.

Forgive seventy times seven, not just forgiving the same person for repeated sins but also forgiving many times just one sin by the same person over and over again privately in our hearts when we recall it in our memory so that our forgiveness becomes permenant, enduring and finally perfected by the Father at the end of our lives.

In remaining forgiving we emulate The Holy Trinity who forgive eternally and such will obtain mercy and forgiveness of our own sins from the Father, in through and by Christ Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

In my prayers
 
We owe it both to ourselves, for the sake of our own mental health, and to those we sin against and who sin against us, to dwell as little as we can on past wrongs and hurts.

Since we can’t completely avoid it, however, what we should do is use the memory as a spur to action of some kind. If you can find something practical to do about the situation, do it.

If you can do nothing else, start praying, when you think of the wrong, for yourself and everyone who has ever been in the same situation as you, and for those who have hurt/wronged you or hurt/wronged others in the same way. Then meditate on the sufferings of Christ - whatever your burden, he has borne it before you. Such things at least take you out of yourself and remind you that you’re not alone.
 
If forgetting gives someone the chance to sin and hurt himself or you again, then no, you shouldn’t forget.

If you forgive someone for the damage they caused by drinking, that’s great and it’s the right thing to do. But you make sure you don’t give them the opportunity of drinking again, now would you?
 
There are some bad things from my life that I know I will never forget, but I have forgiven the people who hurt me. What I do now is when a bad memory pops up, I pray for the person who wronged me. It took many years to get to this point and at first I really didn’t want to pray for them. I had a revelation of sorts that if they continued down the wrong road that the devil would claim another soul. It helped me to truly forgive to realize that I didn’t want to be a part of the devil getting a soul even by omission (of prayers for the person). I still don’t want to be around them or think of them, but when a thought arises at least I can do something positive about it now.
 
Here’s the short answer:

First, have you forgiven yourself for being vulnerable to the hurt? Have you forgiven yourself for pains you may have caused yourself as a result of the other person’s original “injury”?

Second, are there any actions you needed to take to heal whatever was broken in the initial incident?

Here’s the LOOOONG answer:
This came up recently for me as well. I was “pursued” by a teacher my senior year of high school. I rarely mentioned it for the next 20 years. I suffered all the usual pains that go along with sexual abuse.

I thought I had forgiven him for what he did, until one day I found myself seething with anger towards this man again. Someone I really trusted (don’t even know if he was Christian) asked me if I had forgiven myself. “WHAT??? I didn’t do anything wrong!” Then, like someone turning on a light in a darkened room, I saw that I had been holding myself accountable, at least in some measure, for what this man had done. I had never truly forgiven myself for being naive, for trusting, for not seeing this coming, etc. I had to forgive myself for the blame and hurt I’d been causing myself.

AND, I then saw an action I had to take. I needed to contact my old high school and report the incident - 20 years later this man was still teaching at that school! So I called, and they listened, and someone from the archdiocese called, and he listened.

Forgiveness is a process. Even when we are the ones who are injured, we still made need to forgive ourselves. I know it doesn’t make sense, but there is freedom in considering this. And sometimes it is necessary to take some action as a result of that initial hurt.

And pray, pray, pray.

Gertie
 
blessedstar said:
Forgive seventy times seven, not just forgiving the same person for repeated sins but also forgiving many times just one sin by the same person over and over again privately in our hearts when we recall it in our memory so that our forgiveness becomes permenant, enduring and finally perfected by the Father at the end of our lives.

In remaining forgiving we emulate The Holy Trinity who forgive eternally and such will obtain mercy and forgiveness of our own sins from the Father, in through and by Christ Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

In my prayers
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For us to be forgiven, we must repent. Either perfect contrition or for fear of punishment. Although we pray for those who have wronged us and not hold hatred in our heart, shouldn’t we expect the other party to ask for forgiveness before we can completely forgive them?
 
john8791 said:
For us to be forgiven, we must repent. Either perfect contrition or for fear of punishment. Although we pray for those who have wronged us and not hold hatred in our heart, shouldn’t we expect the other party to ask for forgiveness before we can completely forgive them?
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Does God the Father only desire to forgive when we repent?

Can anyone repent without God’s grace?

The Father desires to forgive always. His grace abounding always.

We must always forgive even if the person who has sinned against us is not one bit sorry for it because we cannot be their judge.
 
Forgiveness means that you will not hold the person accountable for what they have done to you. You will not seek retribution.

However, it doesn’t mean that the pain that you suffered will cease to exist. That healing takes time.

Jim
 
Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is rather, deciding to treat the offender with love and care in spite of what happens. This can include taking the steps necessary to see to make it difficult for he/she to offend again in the same or similar way. Rather than no holding the person accountable, this may demand that we DO hold the person accountable.
Forgiveness does not require the offender to ask for forgiveness. Nor does it require the offender to be sorry. I can forgive anyone I choose. They may not want forgiveness–but I can still forgive them. In such a case, its not that I have not forgiven. Rather it is a choice they make not to accept or even seek forgiveness. In such a case, I am freed (even though I have strong memories or feelings about the event.) The offender continues to be mired down in his/her offense until he/she accepts the forgiveness. (More often than not, the offender will also need to forgive.)
Forgiveness is an ongoing act that will seem to be oft-repeated.
If I am making the choice to forgive–I will live out this choice. If I choose to stop forgiving, I will once more be enslaved by the offense.
 
If you don’t think forgiveness is important, look at the Mass.

What is the intent of our prayers most often in the Liturgy? Given God thanks and praise.
Glory to God in the Highest and peace…
Blessed are you, Lord, God of all Creation…
For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours…
Through Him, with Him, in Him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all Glory and Honor are yours……
Lord, You are holy indeed, the fountain of all holiness…
Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God of Power and Might…

What is 2nd to Thanks and Praise? Seeking God’s forgiveness as well as forgiving our brothers and sisters.
  • Lord Have Mercy, Christ Have Mercy, Lord Have Mercy…
    Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world…
    Let us offer each other a sign of peace…
    I confess to almighty God, and you my brothers and sisters…
    Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed…
    Lord, wash away my iniquities, and cleanse me from my sin…*
 
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