Must make decision quick...need your advice, please!

[surfinpure]

It sounds like you’ve done what you can to ensure your safety and separateness on the trip. As long as you have a companion with you and have your own lodging, and are prepared to pack up and ship out if anything gets weird, it could be okay.

I don’t like the idea of being off your own “turf” for safety reasons. There have been predators who lured women into isolation and thus broke down all their defenses. If I had a choice, I’d meet a guy on my territory, on my terms.

Yes, people used to meet the family first … but **people also used to meet in person first! **Having never seen this guy before in your life, it seems like a bit of a leap. What if there was no family when you got there? There you’d be with your friend and your 3-year-old, on unfamiliar ground. That puts you at a disadvantage.

My gut says, No.

 

[Cristiano]

My son is my number 1 priority and I hope that you’re not insinuating that because I’m open to finding a spouse, which would also be good for him, that I’m somehow neglecting him, being a bad mother or putting my needs before his because you would be completely and utterly out of line.

I would NEVER choose a man over my son or put my needs ahead of his. If you’ve read any of my posts you’ll see that my son and daughter have ALWAYS come first!

I am sorry that my words did not express my thoughts completely. I was not accusing you of being a bad mother and I do not think that I would be inappropriate for you to be open to a new relationship.

My comments are related to facts when my son was younger. In the past my wife and I had to consider the fact that my wife possibly had to leave the family for a few days and after quite a bit of research we realized that it would not have been good for him to be without his mother more than a couple of nights if an emergency arose. Same thing with my work related travel. This is something that I must do to to bring a paycheck home but I minimize the amount of time away from home and my family knows that they can reach me 24 hours a day.

I think that my comment was also associated to what I perceived as you being very excited at the possibility of meeting this man. Your reaction is quite natural and I am happy that you are still open to feel this kind of excitement. I was taken aback by the fact that he did not offer to come and see you but he asked you to go and see his mom. I am not expert about women but I understand men quite better. To me that was a red flag on his side and being a very protective husband and father and I had a knee jerk reaction. It was more out of concern for you and your son. If there was some lack of trust, it was toward the behavior of the man and not toward you. You sound like a neat person and I just was wishing the best for you and your family, I would have had the same reaction if my sister were in the same situation. It is not about you, it is a about my level of comfort with men that behave that way. I hope that I am wrong and that you have met a very nice guy.