My 10 year old sister/goddaughter using profanity. HELP!

[callmeChris]

So for a while now My sister has been using more and more profanity and she is learning more as she has her own tablet, and access to the computer and TV. Of course my mom is absolutely oblivious and she considers herself a practicing and believing Catholic. She prays everyday and although she struggles I expect her do discipline her only daughter whenever she shows an attitude and curses. She knows the words, “homosexual” “f*ggot”. She also says “I hope you go to jail” “I hope you die” etc whenever she gets mad. It’s infuriating me and I am afraid that with her being my Goddaughter I’ll be held somewhat responsible to a spiritual degree as well as my mom if she slips away and falls down the wrong path. I never wanted to be her godfather. My mother forced me since I was the only practicing Catholic in the family so they could be finally baptized (This was about 3-4 years ago.) I knew I couldn’t do much back then to help her since she also had a growing dislike to me back then as well as an attitude. My mom just wont do anything in her indifference and lack of awareness to how sad and dangerous it is for a 10 year old to behave like this.

 

[AKDee]

Well, I would try a multi-pronged approach.

One, I would not approach her judgmentally, but with love. I would tell her I am concerned about her language.

St. Paul in several epistles speaks out against coarse language. See Eph 4:29, Eph 5:4, Coll 3:8. It’s not pleasing to God, and it doesn’t represent Christianity well to observers especially when one is using insulting terms like “fggt”.

And since she’s a pre-teen for whom this may all seem unimportant, you might mention that many guys are turned off by coarse language and will not wish to be her friend or her boyfriend (later, when she’s old enough to date.) It’s a habit she should strive to break now. I did once have a guy choose not to date me because I had a potty mouth - it was quite a wake up call. And it’s a really hard habit to break.

 

[Inquiringperson]

Well, I would try a multi-pronged approach.

One, I would not approach her judgmentally, but with love. I would tell her I am concerned about her language.

St. Paul in several epistles speaks out against coarse language. See Eph 4:29, Eph 5:4, Coll 3:8. It’s not pleasing to God, and it doesn’t represent Christianity well to observers especially when one is using insulting terms like “fggt”.

And since she’s a pre-teen for whom this may all seem unimportant, you might mention that many guys are turned off by coarse language and will not wish to be her friend or her boyfriend (later, when she’s old enough to date.) It’s a habit she should strive to break now. I did once have a guy choose not to date me because I had a potty mouth - it was quite a wake up call. And it’s a really hard habit to break.

I also would mention that by keeping up this habit, she may come to even use those words in front of her teacher when she goes back to school.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Your sister is not your child and her upbringing is, strictly speaking, not your responsibility. Probably the best you can do is be an influence and a positive example. It is sad that we live in a culture where bad language is so common. It is very unfortunate that her/your mother is not concerned about this. I would talk to your mother about this and her responsibility to her child.

 

[AKDee]

Your sister is not your child and her upbringing is, strictly speaking, not your responsibility. Probably the best you can do is be an influence and a positive example. It is sad that we live in a culture where bad language is so common. It is very unfortunate that her/your mother is not concerned about this. I would talk to your mother about this and her responsibility to her child.

As her Godparent, isn’t he somewhat responsible for her religious instruction, though? I understood that to be the point of Godparents.

 

[Tomdstone]

St. Paul in several epistles speaks out against coarse language. See Eph 4:29, Eph 5:4, Coll 3:8. It’s not pleasing to God,…

I agree with you on this. I don’t see the necessity of using so much bad language in the American movies. I read where Russia has moved to censor out many of the offensive words from the movies shown there. However, I think that the Roman Catholic priest Father Andrew Greeley has set a bad example by using all kinds of curse words, blasphemy and profanity in his blockbuster novels. I realize that he gave a large part of the profits from these books to charity, which is very commendable, but the gutter language he used in his books is something else.

 

[St_Francis]

Our Lady of La Sallette mentions bad language in her message, maybe you could pray to her about your sister?

Since it seems that your mother is a fairly recent convert, she may have little knowledge of growing in holiness or how to raise a child Catholic. This is a tough situation for you to be in; maybe the best thing for you to do is to discuss it with the priest who received them into the Church, if he is a good priest, or else a gokd priest. I think someone who knows all of you may be better placed to advise you.

ETA: Actually, she should be learning how to control her temper: that might be a more important issue than the language she uses to express her anger.

 

[MonikaBarbara]

Yes, as a godparent he has is responsible for her Catholic upbringing.

I agree with the idea of telling her that a lot of people will be turned off by bad language. It is perfectly true, and it might be a great inducement for her to stop. Plus, maybe some prodding into her circle of friends is necessary…many times kids know these words because their friends are using them.

 

[pianistclare]

Depending on how much she respects your opinion…tell her it’s just not cool.
It’s tacky, tasteless, and makes her look stupid.
If she come back with " I don’t care" tell her that God cares.
A lot.

 

[nodito]

I went through a bad language phase somewhere around your sister’s age, maybe a little older. I thought it made me look cool, but I knew enough not to do it around parents or teachers. I was finally “caught” when I swore at a friend over IM and she reported me to AOL (remember that?), who forwarded the entire message to my father. He was very calm, but when he confronted me I was mortified. And I think I eventually realized that language like that doesn’t make you appear cool, it makes you seem uneducated.

Will Smith, the actor/musician has a similar story to tell. He has said when he was a kid he had a notebook full of R-rated lyrics to songs he was writing and one day his grandmother found it. She told him, “You’re better than this.” He started writing more creatively and that’s why most of his songs are quite clean.

My point is, I don’t think you need to panic about your sister’s poor vocabulary. Be a good example by not swearing and speaking to others with respect. You might frown slightly when you hear her say something distasteful or mention that you think she sounds better when she uses cleaner language. But mostly, don’t sweat it. If she’s raised around adults she respects she will naturally adopt their speaking habits as she gets older.

 

[RCbkr]

I used to tell my young public school students that people who use bad words are probably just not smart enough to know how to use good words. When you use good words people believe you are smart and well educated and will treat you with respect. The lashing out with I hate you, etc. sounds like a different behavioral/emotional problem. Hopefully these issues can be addressed when she starts back to school. At any rate, you are not the parent and other than setting the example of not using foul language, it’s not your responsibility. Constantly talking to her about it would just be giving her the attention she apparently wants. Family counseling may also be in order.