My best friend, i'm starting to like her

[RomanRyan1088]

Hello to all, i would like to tell you a little story, if you dont wanna hear about my life, then I reccomend you leave:

When I started my Freshman year, I meet this girl name Tabitha. Me and her eventually became the best of friends, we laughed, cried, and did about everything together. Me and her are are hard to pull apart.

Now I have started my Sophomore year, and i find myself thinking about us. I can’t stop thinking about her, and I feel that if we were to get together, we would be even happier. I imagine us at the mall hand in hand, walking from store to store. I even find myself thinking about kissing her.

Now the problem. I don’t know if I really wanna ask her out. Me and her have a REALLY good relationship. I am afraid, if we start going out, and it doesn’t work out, our friendship will be over, and i don’t know if im willing to risk that. So here I am. I figured since many in here have been married for a while, ya’ll would be able to give me some advice. If you were in my shoes, what would ya’ll do

And don’t tell me to talk to my parents about it, I already told them, and they keep on saying “Oh, our little boy is growing up”

 

[AlanFromWichita]

RomanRyan1088:

I am afraid, if we start going out, and it doesn’t work out, our friendship will be over, and i don’t know if im willing to risk that.

Dear RomanRyan1088,

That certainly is a risk. The opposite risk is that if she truly has no clue you are interested in her as a so-called “girlfriend” that some other guy will hit on her and then you will be playing the third wheel.

You didn’t say whether you were in high school or college, so I will assume high school. Personally I would like to see more “just friendships” among people of your age, so it would be nice if you could stay as is. You might also check out the Pure Love Club at pureloveclub.com/

I’d ask my wife for an opinion but she’s asleep. Maybe I’ll get that tomorrow. Meanwhile I have a daughter who is a freshman who suggests the following: You tell her how you feel and ask her what her feelings are on the subject. If you truly are such good friends and it turns out she doesn’t feel the same way, it shouldn’t affect the friendship. However if she does feel the same way you should talk to her about what to do and to decide if you’re willing to take the risk.

Alan

 

[RomanRyan1088]

AlanFromWichita:

Dear RomanRyan1088,

That certainly is a risk. The opposite risk is that if she truly has no clue you are interested in her as a so-called “girlfriend” that some other guy will hit on her and then you will be playing the third wheel.

You didn’t say whether you were in high school or college, so I will assume high school. Personally I would like to see more “just friendships” among people of your age, so it would be nice if you could stay as is. You might also check out the Pure Love Club at pureloveclub.com/

I’d ask my wife for an opinion but she’s asleep. Maybe I’ll get that tomorrow. Meanwhile I have a daughter who is a freshman who suggests the following: You tell her how you feel and ask her what her feelings are on the subject. If you truly are such good friends and it turns out she doesn’t feel the same way, it shouldn’t affect the friendship. However if she does feel the same way you should talk to her about what to do and to decide if you’re willing to take the risk.

Alan

Dear AlanFromWichita
I thank you for the link, I think it is quite interesting. I am a Sophomore in high school. I think she knows, I have been trying to leave little “hints” I guess you could say. Today we went to play miniture golf. I grabbed her hand, and we just sat there. She knows my feelings as far as sex is concerned. I have told myself “No sex until marriage”. She said she admires me for that, and that I am a “True Man” for actually admitting it. I know these risks all to well already. I had another friend, I only knew her for a month, but now we dont even talk to eachother, it didn’t work out. I have a good feeling about her and me, but i guess only time can tell. Tell you daughter thanks to, i really appreciate it.

 

[RomanRyan1088]

Update:

Me and her are going out together on Saurday. I just have one thing, I feel like im sinning. I don’t know why, I just feel wrong.

 

[Stylteralmaldo]

RomanRyan1088:

Update:

Me and her are going out together on Saurday. I just have one thing, I feel like im sinning. I don’t know why, I just feel wrong.

I won’t pretend to know why you think you are sinning, but stay true to your heart and keep your Catholic values close to your side.

I’ll say a prayer for you.

 

[jess7396]

Awww- our little boy is growing up .

Seriously- I think it is just wonderful! My husband and I were friends for a long time, really good friends in high school, I knew he liked me during that time, but I always had a boyfriend and thought of him as just a friend. He asked me out many times over the years, and I always laughed it off and was not interested in “going there”.

We both dated other people all through high school and part of college, then he decided to transfer to my college. When he got there, he put his arm around me one day (he had before) and suddenly- it felt “right”- we dated for 3 years and have now been married for 5, and blessed with 3 children.

For our situation, we were glad we got together when we did, if we had gotten together in early high school (when he first started asking me out) we don’t think we would’ve made it, we both had a lot of growing and changing to do. We were able to go through those changes as friends, but doubt we’d have made it as a couple. BUT- that is US -not you and your friend. This may well be the “right” time for the 2 of you.

I hope you have a great time on Saturday, and remember if it doesn’t happen now- the future may hold something even better.

Patty

PS- dh and I both were scared of “losing the friendship” too, but- seriously- that is a pretty worthwhile risk to take when you could marry your best friend .

 

[mercygate]

RomanRyan1088:

Update:

Me and her are going out together on Saurday. I just have one thing, I feel like im sinning. I don’t know why, I just feel wrong.

Hm. This is something for you to pray about. Ask yourself: Does this feel wrong because my heart and my mind, and my good judgment want to do the right thing, to honor this girl and respect her, to keep her friendship so that it might grow into something better – but my body is sending a different message?

Hey. I think she’s a lucky girl.

 

[RomanRyan1088]

Update:

Oh my goodness. I talked to my friend today, and she said that when she asked her dad, he said “No, you are to young”. I was crushed. I respect her father and his decision. but man that hurt.

 

[mercygate]

RomanRyan1088:

Update:

Om hy goodness. I talked to my friend today, and she said that when she asked her dad, he said “No, you are to young”. I was crushed. I respect her father and his decision. but man that hurt.

Ryan, I think the Holy Spirit has just given you a great big break! Hugs.

 

[Benedictus]

RomanRyan1088:

Oh my goodness. I talked to my friend today, and she said that when she asked her dad, he said “No, you are to young”. I was crushed. I respect her father and his decision. but man that hurt.

I can imagine that hurts a lot, but her dad is smart. Dating someone when there is no chance of getting married in the near future is dangerous. I don’t necessarily mean sex itself: there are a lot of things in between a modest kiss and sex itself that aren’t acceptable. Dating someone for that long is dangerous. I’ve been there and so have a lot of other people.

Even if it weren’t dangerous, it is stressful. Dating someone you can’t possibly marry for at least several years (more like 7 years) puts a lot of strain on a relationship. I wouldn’t have thought so when I was in high school, but it does.

I hope you still have a great frienship with her.

 

[jess7396]

Ryan, I am sorry you are hurt, but remember my story, I truly think my husband and I are sooo much better off that we didn’t start dating until college. And- my husband says he actually enjoyed seeking me for that long, and I liked it too . Makes things all the sweeter.

 

[FairyMagdelaine]

This is one of those crappy learning experiences where your heart gets mangled in a bunch of different pieces. You’ll get through it, and you’ll be better for it. But in the meantime, focus on your schoolwork.

 

[mercygate]

Sounds like her parents actually have some pretty good values – values that you respect. Make friends with her mom and dad.

 

[PioMagnus]

Ryan,

As a fellow Highschool Male, let me just say that it is first of all awesome that you think this is something important enough to look at through the eyes of older (not old, calm down reg. posters), more experienced people. They have a lot of insight on these things.

Also, it’s great that you can talk about this stuff as openly as you can with complete strangers. Not to mention that you being willing to respect her father’s decision says worlds of good things about you.

Good luck, God bless,
-PM

 

[RomanRyan1088]

PioMagnus:

Ryan,

As a fellow Highschool Male, let me just say that it is first of all awesome that you think this is something important enough to look at through the eyes of older (not old, calm down reg. posters), more experienced people. They have a lot of insight on these things.

Also, it’s great that you can talk about this stuff as openly as you can with complete strangers. Not to mention that you being willing to respect her father’s decision says worlds of good things about you.

Good luck, God bless,
-PM

Thanks for the kind words dude. I would just like to say that me and her, i think, are ganna stay friends. I keep on praying about this, hopefully, my story will hopefully be like jess’ story. Plus, i don’t know if I wanna date, I have even felt like I have a calling…

OMGoodness… Me a Priest!!

 

[PioMagnus]

I’m kinda in the same situation (remarkably similar, actually)—I also feel a calling to the priesthood. It’s pretty confusing, so I see where you are coming from.

I suggest you contact your Diocese Director of Vocations. They probably have somethign like a “Live in Weekend” where you can experience seminary life for a little while.

Further, not being sure if you should be dating is kinda a good thing (in my opinion) people don’t look at dating as a way to find a spouse anymore (with a few exceptions, I’m sure). Instead they look at it as a past time. I don’t think that’s what God intended dating to be like.

I hope that everything will clear up for you.

-PM

 

[DianJo]

I agree with mercygate!
MAKE FRIENDS WITH HER MOM AND DAD!

If she can’t go out then maybe you could rent a movie and watch it at her house (with her mom and dad?). Bring popcorn, too! Can you ever just go over to her house to “hang out”? Start spending some time there.
If her mom and dad know you better then they might not be so concerned if she goes somewhere with you later.

Whatever you decide, don’t push, take your time. Repect her father’s decisions (which I think you do) and be patient.

BTW, I have a son in high school (a senior) so I see some of the “goings-on” . My son also has a girl that is his best friend but they don’t “date”. Maybe something will come of that relationship later, who knows?

You have your whole life ahead of you so take one day at a time and be brave.