My boyfriend is very superficial :(

[CountrySinger]

LOL, that is the best come back to this situation! I hope the OP uses it at some point.

And I never used it. D’oh!

I know it has to hurt A LOT to hear that. I hope you can find someone who will like you for who you are.

 

[stina2bina]

Thank you so much for the posts everyone.

I have talked to him about it more today, and he acknowledges that I shouldn’t have to change, and it’s his issue. But he also says he isn’t sure he can change, and that maybe I should find someone better. I just don’t want to give up on him. Part of the reason for that is that we had a previous issue with him being very materialist, and that was very hard for me to deal with. He acknowledged that it was an issue, and he is so much better now! I guess I just think he has the ability to become less superficial too.

Has anyone had any problems with being too superficial in the past? If so, how did you fix it? I know a lof of you think I should just dump him, but if I don’t, can anyone think of any ways I can help him? He is such a good person in every other way, and I know he’s not destined to be a jerk.

Thanks again!

 

[BrokenFortress]

Oh dear, I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear, but you need to hear it. He won’t change. If he wants a supermodel girlfriend/spouse then that’s his superficial fault. It’s not something you should have to put up with. I mean, I doubt he’s perfect now is he? Until he can see that he isn’t perfect and learn to look on the good side of someone you need to leave him.

My dad is very superficial. It hurts me to see my mom have to put up with it. I don’t know how she does. She’s suffered as a result. She suffered from such low self-esteem and depression. My dad constantly makes comments about her weight. Or he’ll see some supermodel on tv and say “Do you think she’d want me?” Um hello? Who says that to their spouse? And yeah, he’s 55. What supermodel wants a 55 year old that isn’t a millionaire? Oh, yeah, and he’s not super fit or anything either. Once superficial, always superficial. Even when they know it hurts the other person. He knows it hurts her, he was there when she had to go to counseling for it. But he continues anyways.

So, if you want to constantly wonder if he’s comparing you to a woman he sees on the street or tv, stay with him. If you want to feel poorly about yourself, stay with him. Or you can move on and find a man that loves you for you. Who doesn’t comment negatively on your faults and knows that they’re not perfect either.

 

[flyingfish]

Has anyone had any problems with being too superficial in the past? If so, how did you fix it? I know a lof of you think I should just dump him, but if I don’t, can anyone think of any ways I can help him? He is such a good person in every other way, and I know he’s not destined to be a jerk.

Thanks again!

Maybe the problem isn’t that he wants you to be very thin, but that your relationship generally is lacking? Maybe you’ve gotten too comfortable with each other, and the excitement is gone. I would work on fixing that.

Does he take you for granted? Make him feel like he has to win you over still. Do you have a lot going on in your life outside of your relationship? Be more interesting, more mysterious.

I’ve had a lot of relationships fizzle without any changes in physical appearance. A new guy is so much more exciting, and it’s so easy to be infatuated. Once you’re together for a while and comfortable, it’s much harder to keep that going.

Why do you think he’s such a good person anyway? If he’s making you feel bad about yourself, what are his redeeming qualities?

 

[baltobetsy]

I have talked to him about it more today, and he acknowledges that I shouldn’t have to change, and it’s his issue. But he also says he isn’t sure he can change, and that maybe I should find someone better.

This could be his way of asking to end it. You should take this very, very seriously.

Betsy

 

[stina2bina]

Maybe the problem isn’t that he wants you to be very thin, but that your relationship generally is lacking? Maybe you’ve gotten too comfortable with each other, and the excitement is gone. I would work on fixing that.

Does he take you for granted? Make him feel like he has to win you over still. Do you have a lot going on in your life outside of your relationship? Be more interesting, more mysterious.

I’ve had a lot of relationships fizzle without any changes in physical appearance. A new guy is so much more exciting, and it’s so easy to be infatuated. Once you’re together for a while and comfortable, it’s much harder to keep that going.

Why do you think he’s such a good person anyway? If he’s making you feel bad about yourself, what are his redeeming qualities?

He doesn’t try to make me feel bad about myself. In fact, he apparently held this in for the past year because he didn’t want me to get hurt. He is a good person, this is the problem. I just don’t think it is one I can put up with for the rest of my life.

Right now we’re going to try to see if we can get that “spark” back in other ways. I definitely think I have been taking advantage of him and have been mean to him at times. Basically, we’re going to see if that “spark” coming back through other means will lead to him being attracted to me again. If not, then I’m out

Again, I really appreciate everyone’s help. I would still love to hear some good prayers he could say everyday. Also, I told him about this thread, and he has asked for prayers for both himself, and me.

 

[Mayita30]

Thank you so much for the posts everyone.

I have talked to him about it more today, and he acknowledges that I shouldn’t have to change, and it’s his issue. But he also says he isn’t sure he can change, and that **maybe I should find someone better. **Thanks again!

You should ask him : Do you really want me to find someone better??? Let’s see what his response is… You should really clarify this so you will know what the INTENTION of this guy is. Is he really serious with this relationship? Is it headed towards marriage? or Is he just leading you on?

 

[joandarc2008]

Part of that whole spark issue mentioned above is you are at that point n your relationship where most couples would probably be having “the talk” about taking to the next “level” meaning marriage. So you probably do need to find out if this is your keeper for the season or if your going to put your hook back in the water.

 

[Jermosh]

Words are like bullets, once you say them, you can’t take them back. Even if he did not mean what he said, its going to sit in the back of your mind. So when you put on weight and keep a few during pregnancy, its going to be in the back of your mind, when you get older adn wrinkled, its still going to be in the back of your mind. As drastic as it might sound, you will be harmed by those words.

IMHO, run away.

 

[PatriceA]

He doesn’t try to make me feel bad about myself. In fact, he apparently held this in for the past year because he didn’t want me to get hurt. He is a good person, this is the problem. I just don’t think it is one I can put up with for the rest of my life.

Right now we’re going to try to see if we can get that “spark” back in other ways. I definitely think I have been taking advantage of him and have been mean to him at times. Basically, we’re going to see if that “spark” coming back through other means will lead to him being attracted to me again. If not, then I’m out

Again, I really appreciate everyone’s help. I would still love to hear some good prayers he could say everyday. Also, I told him about this thread, and he has asked for prayers for both himself, and me.

I’m sorry, he felt this way for a year?? There is nothing about that that is good or admirable. I would feel very cheated that the person I was in a relationship with has not been honest with me. I would really wonder what else he has been holding back and my trust in him and the relationship would be damaged. That is no way to start a marriage.

YOU can not fix him, YOU can not change him. He has to do the work if he truly wants to change.

 

[1ke]

I definitely think I have been taking advantage of him and have been mean to him at times.

Oh, yes, that’s it. It’s all *your *fault.