My boys don't know they have an older half sister

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Lovesthesun

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God is good. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sins.
 
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Truth is always the most compassionate way.
A lot depends on their ages.
I would consult your pastor or your pediatrician.
 
God is good. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sins.
 
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Adding my prayer to yours,
For your two precious sons,
And their precious sister,
that all will be resolved according to God’s love and grace.
 
Children need their parents, regardless of age. If anything he should be taking time to interact with her.

Family counseling may be in order if he does not. It is not a good sign for your children.
 
Can you imagine what this will do to the boys’ trust in parents when they eventually find out? I suggest you have the discussion on your terms first.

Perhaps when they are at the right age, probably adolescent when you are teaching them about engaging the opposite sex. You can also explain why you chose not to stay connected.
 
God is good. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sins 💗
 
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Obviously you have good reasons for no contact. Is your husband putting his foot down about reconnecting or about EVER telling the boys?

If it’s the former, perhaps you can still prepare for the right time to tell them.

If it’s the later, still agree on how you will respond if they find out through other means. Another friend or family member may let it slip or the mother/daughter may find you.

Think of it like you might have a plan to react to a natural disaster. You hope there is never an earthquake/tornado/flood/etc but it’s better to think ahead a be prepared. How you respond will likely affect the boys trust and understanding.
 
Lovesthesun said:
That is what I am scared of Theo. I love my boys so much. I am a stay at home mom. My life revolves around my family and my church. Every time I talk to my husband he puts his foot down. I married an amazing man. There is a safety issue here. His ex wifes sister almost hit me with her car and other scary and disturbing things have happened. We have made a happy life and strived. Like we got married, bought a nice car and two years ago a beautiful house. I think the hardest part is we had two boys together. I do not have hate in my heart but I do have fear. I met my husband 10 years ago. I do also fear for my boys. I am being really open so if anyone comments please be kind.
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Is his daughter still a minor that has not been adopted by another man?

If so, quite frankly, he is not “amazing”. Amazing men do not abandon their children.

I am trying to be kind but my best friend as a child was abandoned by a parent for another family. No excuse, not even the threat of death, will prevent a parent from being there for their child.
 
Gos is good. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sins 💗
 
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God is good. All the time God is good!
 
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Wait. If your husband was treated so terribly by them, WHY do you want to expose your sons to them? I guess I’m a bit confused. Sorry.
 
Lovethesun,

With all due respect, good men do NOT threaten to turn their back on their child because the mother was behaving badly. There is no reason, no excuse, ever. Especially not if, by the timeline, she was still a minor. Perhaps he treats you well, but “amazing” men do not threaten to cut off their children. They’d as soon cut off their own arm.

It sounds like that he let this (understandably disgusting) behavior get to him and, if I understand you correctly, he cut them off somewhere in the neighborhood of 8-10 years ago? That poor little girl was only 11 or 12. Did he even pay child support in this “cut off” state?

Your husband still owes his child a father. It is good that she is no longer a minor, but that doesn’t change his inherent fatherhood. What will happen when she gets married or has children?

Yes, his ex behaved badly, and his child got all the pain. Rather than put his love life aside for his child, he put himself and you first and made a new family. He abandoned his child. No matter how evil that child’s mother, that is never acceptable.

I’m sure you are going to say, “should he have stayed miserable and alone and been abused just so he could see a kid who was brainwashed to hate him?”

Yes. The answer is yes.

Your family needs counseling. There’s a phrase “leopards do not change their spots”. I would caution you with that warning.
 
How do envision this happening? You said she was in on all the bullying.
I guess I’m not following you well…
 
God is good. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sins 💗
 
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You just replied to yourself dear one.
I think I should take a break from this thread.
Best wishes
 
Lovesthesun said:
Yes he did put me first. He still does. He is my husband and still very amazing. I didn’t tell my husband to do that. He made that decision on his own. I tried to fix it a few times and it would go good for a bit but then fail. The last time it failed years ago it stayed that way.
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Oh dear one.

Please do get professional guidance.

You are in love with and married to a man who put his love life above his minor own child and refused to attend to his child even at the prompting of the woman he claimed to love.

This is a terrible, terrible situation.
 
This sounds like an awful situation with everyone perhaps in need of counseling. Please seek professional help for resolution. God bless.
 
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