My broken marriage

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brokencatholic

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Please pray for our marriage. my husband sometimes says the ugliest words to me but i do understand that he is worried an stressed out. just sometimes the words cut so deep that i feel so ill . he is a good person, always encourages holy mass, goes to RCIA , reads the bible daily. i just sometimes feel that how can he do all yet feels nothing to hurt , insult and belittle me.
thank you
 
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I understand not going into too much detail, but what kind of things is he saying to you? I think you may need to sit down and have a long chat with him
 
example this morning - before left he said he cant help that my parents don’t want me. (not in a kind manner tho with some fowl language) . famous words are i am useless.
 
Prayers. Have you sat down to talk to your pastor?

I would so very much suggest you schedule a Retrouvaille weekend. Your Parish/Diocese may have scholarships available if the cost is an issue. It is important to seek help before these wounds turn to something that kills the marriage.

https://www.helpourmarriage.org/

Our US Bishops also have some resources at

 
i rather be quiet as he will shout , get angry and then it will trigger so much again.
 
You’re not useless, you were created in the image and likeness of God, just as he was. if you were useless, you would not have been created, the fact that you’re here means you’re useful. I’ve never been married, so I can’t tell you exactly what you should do, but I know that you shouldn’t have to put up with someone acting like that towards you.
 
I’m very sorry to hear you’re going through this in your marriage. I would highly recommend speaking with a Priest about it as well as praying for St. Monica’s and Our Lady of Sorrow’s intercession. I’ve discovered in my marriage that they are extremely powerful intercessors. As another poster has mentioned, you definitely should not have to put up with this, but I know what you mean about things getting even worse when you object. Insulting, hurting, and belittling you are not Christian or Catholic ways of acting by any stretch of the imagination, no matter how much he encourages holy Mass or reads the Bible. It’s hypocritical for sure. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you through this.
 
Could they be bad habits he learned from his Father?
How well do you really know the father?
 
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thank you for your kind words. i will continue praying and believing that God will divinely intervene. God bless you always .
jane
 
i don’t know much history, but i do believe he is a good person, just lots of financial pressure and daily pressure. i am sure it all boils down to that hey. We all deal differently , but still no excuse. i am trusting God will intervene.
 
There was a man who lived by a river. The news reporter said “there is a flood coming, leave, evacuate from the houses by the river”!

The man said “I love God, He will intervene”.

The waters began to rise, a boat came by and the boat captain yells “the flood is rising, leave, I will evacuate you in my boat!”

The man said “I love God, He will intervene.”

The waters rose until the covered all but the roof where the man was standing. A helicopter flew over and the rescue worker shouts “Hey, I am going to drop a ladder down to rescue you!”

The man replied “I love God, He will intervene.”

The man drowns in the flood. At the gates of heaven, the man says to God “I love you, why did you not intervene to save me!”

God said, “I sent you a newsreporter, a boat captain and a helicopter, what more did you want?”

Remember, God works through other people. Please, reach out to your priest, to a counselor, these are people God sends to rescue broken marriages.
 
brokencatholic said:
my husband sometimes says the ugliest words to me but i do understand that he is worried an stressed out.
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brokencatholic said:
the words cut so deep that i feel so ill .
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brokencatholic said:
yet feels nothing to hurt , insult and belittle me.
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brokencatholic said:
famous words are i am useless.
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ALL of this IS emotional abuse and is never done by a “good person” ! ^^
Recently, there was a OP here who wanted help with his wayward wife/failing marriage. After many posts he said his wife broke her hand while punching him.

He was treating his failing marriage as if it were a simple neglect/other on his part, when in fact he was scared to death of his abusive wife.

Strangely, (at least to people who never experienced abuse), he could not be convinced that this was his eight hundred pound gorilla in the room.

I feel you too may be in similar mindset. (Abuse victim denial)
Reach out to victims/counselors of abuse here, in your community and online to see if I’m wrong.

You have to stop making excuses for HIS behavior!

Btw:
A son of an abuser is almost always an abuser. Sometimes to a lesser extent and sometimes not at all, but usually after fear of loss, and real change on his part.
 
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It’s not uncommon for a person to give a good appearance to the whole outside world but then treat their spouse at home in an abusive way because they can get away with it.

Your husband’s statements to you constitute emotional abuse. It’s a serious problem, not something you can just set aside saying oh he is under financial pressure, etc. That doesn’t make it okay.

Please speak to a priest and get some marriage counseling. If your husband won’t go, then please see the counselor yourself because it is not okay for your husband to hurt you in this way.
 
Okay. So he has some good qualities.

But that doesn’t give him a free pass to say cutting and hurtful things to you.
Stop thinking “but he’s a good guy”. And accept that he’s a guy with problems.

Maybe these problems can be fixed.
Maybe they can’t.
I’m assuming you’re willing to set boundaries and he’s not allowed to belittle you anymore.
 
I married a man that was just awful emotionally to me. I left after 4 months. I have learned no amount of stress should cause a person to be abusive. I had a really hard time recognizing his behavior as abuse. I’m no psychologist but I do not believe these people change. My husband had bibles and more religious items that anyone I ever met and it made me angry at times because I knew the real him and it wasn’t Godly.
 
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