My brother makes me SO MAD!

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StratusRose

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I am living with my brother right now, but only for 3 more days because I am moving. But sometimes we butt heads pretty hard. He’s a fastidious liberal and I’m a conservative. We somehow got on the subject of Terri Schiavo and I said “So what you’re saying is you think it was ok for her husband to kill her?” He looked at me with a (you know what) eating grin and said “Yep!” Then I said (and I shouldn’t have) “You’re more heartless than I thought you were.” Then he mumbled something about her being brain dead or whatever other lies he’s being fed…

It makes me so mad because our mother didn’t raise us like that. She taught us to value and respect life, not throw it away when it’s inconvenient. She was the most selfless person to us, she always sacrificed. And now when she calls the house to talk to us he rolls his eyes and makes me answer. It hurts her feelings so bad. Last time I went to visit her she said “Well, tell your brother that he has a mother and to call her sometime!” It was so sad. He is just so selfish and ungrateful. I can’t believe we were raised in the same household.

It’s so hard to be loving toward him when he says and does things like that. :mad::(:banghead:

Sorry for the rant, I had to vent because I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep if I didn’t get this out. Thanks for listening. 🙂
 
Considering you are living with your brother, you probably shouldn’t be getting yourself in a tizzy about your differences nor should you be critical of his relationship with your mother. You are a guest in his house for now. And once you are no longer there, you still need to recognize that he is (presumably) an adult and entitled to his own opinions, no matter how abhorrent those opinions are to you. Express your disagreement calmly, reiterate it if need be (again calmly). But once you get emotional, such as angry, it is time to drop the subject. It is important to “agree to disagree” with people.
 
Rose:

Try to remember that his relationship with your mom belongs to him. And it’s a process. Keep praying for him, be Christ to him. The seeds your mother planted will bear fruit in time.
 
So because I am a “guest in his house” (even though I pay rent, clean up after him, wash his dishes…etc) that means I can’t stand up for myself? I don’t get that.
 
I regret what I said to him, but I still feel like I had the right to vent about the situation. Can I please just have that? I hate seeing the pain in my mother’s eyes.
 
I fully understand what you are saying about wanting to relieve your mother’s pain. I am in a similar situation with my mother and both a brother and a sister. Go to her and say that you are sorry that your brother’s life is causing her sorrow. That will mean a lot to her. Tell her that you are praying for her. And then resist the urge to be uncharitable about your brother in her company, but at the same time, let her vent when she needs to. Try to say good things, even if it’s about the basketball team he loves or how well he organizes his sock drawer. You cannot change your brother. But you can help your mother by affirming the good things in him and your devotion to her. Of course, you can remind her of St. Monica too.
 
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Cupofkindness:
I fully understand what you are saying about wanting to relieve your mother’s pain. I am in a similar situation with my mother and both a brother and a sister. Go to her and say that you are sorry that your brother’s life is causing her sorrow. That will mean a lot to her. Tell her that you are praying for her. And then resist the urge to be uncharitable about your brother in her company, but at the same time, let her vent when she needs to. Try to say good things, even if it’s about the basketball team he loves or how well he organizes his sock drawer. You cannot change your brother. But you can help your mother by affirming the good things in him and your devotion to her. Of course, you can remind her of St. Monica too.
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:tiphat: Hat tip to a brilliant and caring response…Also a very difficult one to put into action-but it is the only way to go!
 
You can be mad at your brother, but remember to rejoice that he is here. He could be dead like my brother is. Then instead of being mad you might just be sad. Personally I’ve been mad and sad. I’d take mad any day over the sad. I can’t say I’ve ever been mad at him as long as I’ve been sad that he is gone.
 
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mom2boyz:
You can be mad at your brother, but remember to rejoice that he is here. He could be dead like my brother is. Then instead of being mad you might just be sad. Personally I’ve been mad and sad. I’d take mad any day over the sad. I can’t say I’ve ever been mad at him as long as I’ve been sad that he is gone.
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Wow, you’re right. That was a humbling post. When my brother isn’t making asinine comments like that we do actually get along very well. He and I are close, but I get so mad at him because I feel he just got caught up with the mainstream and I don’t like where it’s taking him.
 
I too thought my brother made some poor choices in regards to his beliefs and actions. Now I wish I had spent more time praying about those things and less time getting upset about it. He had some really great qualities, as I am sure your brother does. I wish I had spent more time enjoying those.

You say you get along well. Run with that. Pray about the stuff that makes you mad. Pray for him and pray for patience for yourself.
 
My brother has become a born-again Christian, discovered the Bible and is trying so hard to convert the rest of his poor Catholic sisters to Christianity!!! When he quotes the Bible and we quote something back to him, or put the verse in context, he is stunned that we can quote Scripture.

I try to avoid anything other than superficial conversations because he is so convinced of his natural male superiority and tends to give me a condescending smile whenever I contradict him about anything. My way of dealing with the situation is to pray for him.

StratusRose, may I suggest that whenever your brother upsets or irritates you, say a Divine Mercy Chaplet for him, putting his name in when you say “Have mercy on [x] and on the whole world.”
 
My Dad died when I was in my early 20’s and my Mum in my early 30’s, and for the last few years my Brother is the only direct family I have. We used to never get along when we were growing up, but since losing our parents are a lot closer. I don’t know what I’d do without him and his wife, I love them both so much. My Brother doesn’t go to Church and says things I don’t approve of, but I let it go and forgive. I pray for him every day that he turns to God and try to teach him by example. Life’s too short to spend it being angry at someone you love.
 
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StratusRose:
We somehow got on the subject of Terri Schiavo and I said “So what you’re saying is you think it was ok for her husband to kill her?” He looked at me with a (you know what) eating grin and said “Yep!” Then I said (and I shouldn’t have) “You’re more heartless than I thought you were.”
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I’m reminded of a sign I once saw. I read something like “arguing with the [inspector/auditor/etc.] is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while, you realise that the pig enjoys it”.

Some people just enjoy having a lively debate and will say things just to get other people’s blood boiling. Perhaps that is the case with your situation.
 
You should be out of there now. Give the relationship a bit of a rest- a couple weeks- and then invite him over for a “thank you dinner”. Keep it a short dinner. From there on, until you’re ready, deal with him lovingly in short time increments.
 
Sounds like a case of sibling rivalry–grown up edition. Don’t let him get your goat–using humor is often the best way to deflect irritation–that and limited contact.

Beyond that–he will (hopefully) outgrow his current immaturity–both towards you and your mother. Until then–don’t alienate yourself from him. He’s working overtime at trying to separate/differentiate himself from his family members and values. Frankly, I’d find it hard to take him seriously enough to get upset by his behaviour. Try and maintain your grace while he bumbles through this phase. He’ll be grateful to you later on when he comes to appreciate what a jackass he’s being.
 
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