My burden

  • Thread starter Thread starter joeseph01
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

joeseph01

Guest
A couple of years ago I dated a great catholic woman. We were friends for a while, flirted and started to become more than friends. The most we did was hug. She abruptly found another guy. The friendship was deep, yet pure and it just ended. Fast forward 5 years, I meet the girl of my dreams. Perfect in every way. We connect so well on every level including our faith. So much so that after three years together, we married and continue to grow in our faith. The problem is that almost every day, I still think about the other lady. It might be a fleeting thought. Sometimes I dwell on it. I pray about it, and then she ends up in my dreams. It is discouraging. What causes this? How can I fix it? Can anyone offer suggestions or goes thru similar thing?
 
are your thoughts lustful or anything, if you dont mind me asking, or are they just like a happy memory that is eclypsing your mind?
 
“A life based on desires is like a spider’s web, says Saint Gregory of Nyssa. Woven about us by the father of lies, the Devil, the enemy of our souls, it is a frail tissue of vanities without substance, and yet it can catch us and hold us fast, delivering us up to him as his prisoner. Nevertheless, the illusion is only an illusion, nothing more. It should be easy for us to break through this tissue of lies as it is for us to destroy a spider’s web with a movement of the hand.”

From The Ascent to Truth, Thomas Merton
 
I still think of my “first love” with some regualarity and he pops up in my dreams several times a year. He and I never dated, we were good friends. I haven’t seen him since my wedding day. The thoughts are sometimes 'romantic" but not really sexual. And once in awhile I think “what if”, but I don’t dwell on it.

I have a great marriage to a great man. I don’t feel like I want or prefer this other person, but it was a significant relationship in my life.

Sometimes many months will go by without a thought, and sometimes I think of him nearly daily. When that happens, I pray for him, wondering if perhaps some need in his life is calling out to those who care for him for help.

cheddar
 
as the love was pure she needs prayer now so pray but dont be troubled. wen people come to mind make a habit of it
(prayer)
 
I don’t think it’s wrong to remember a good friendship from the past, as obviously you will never have the same relationship with anybody else as with your wife. So why does the memory of her make you happy? If its just because you were such good friends, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If there are more lustful reasons behind it . . . well . . . that’s bad.
 
I guess once in a while it is lust. Othertimes, I really just miss the relationship. I was so attracted to her physically, emotionally and even on a spiritual level. She was the girl I saw marrying. Please dont take it the wrong way. Usually, I feel over that but sometimes I regret the way things worked out, dwelling on changes I couldve made and wondering still why a relationship that felt so holy and right didn’t work out… I know the answer is tat I know my wife now and how great she is. But yet in the back of my head, I still sometimes dwell on the past and miss it.
 
I think that the country band Little Texas said it best “I try not to think about what might have been, 'cause that was then, and we have taken different roads.” I think that it is not uncommon to think of persons or events of the past and have a special place in your heart for that. If the thoughts of this person are lustful or you are obessing on them, then that is where it can cause a problem for you and potentially your marriage. If this is affecting you in a negative way, simply pray. (A poet and don’t know it).

I have had similar situations in my life and my view is that if I had not gone through those situations or met that person, I would not be where I am today. God placed that person in my life at that particular time for a reason. Now I may never know that reason, but I trust that God knows why. Any ya know, that is good enough for me. Hindsight is always 20/20. We can all look back and rethink what we could have, should have, or would have done. It sounds like you have a lovely wife that is in tune with you and your faith. Cherish that. Nurture that. Put your time and energy into that, because you have some say in that, the past is just that, the past. Look to the future.
 
40.png
joeseph01:
A couple of years ago I dated a great catholic woman. We were friends for a while, flirted and started to become more than friends. The most we did was hug. She abruptly found another guy. The friendship was deep, yet pure and it just ended. Fast forward 5 years, I meet the girl of my dreams. Perfect in every way. We connect so well on every level including our faith. So much so that after three years together, we married and continue to grow in our faith. The problem is that almost every day, I still think about the other lady. It might be a fleeting thought. Sometimes I dwell on it. I pray about it, and then she ends up in my dreams. It is discouraging. What causes this? How can I fix it? Can anyone offer suggestions or goes thru similar thing?
Click to expand...
Could it be that this woman needs your prayers now, and the Holy Spirit is bringing her to your mind so you might pray for her?

I know, that’s probably not the case, but whenever I have those “gosh I haven’t thought of them in FOREVER…” or “Whoa, what brought those thoughts on?”… I just pause, and take a moment to offer a heart felt prayer for their well being, and for their Faith. It tends to diffuse any inappropriate thoughts.

I think the Holy Spirit is a lot more a part of our thoughts that we give Him credit for. I just chalk these up to his gentle nudging. 🙂

:gopray2:
 
OK:

Say, theoretically that you dated this previous girlfriend and got engaged.Then, what if, you had met the woman who is presently your wife during your engagement. Would you have broken off your engagement, dumped this previous woman for your wife?

I would say YES.

You probably would’ve chosen the woman who is your wife, anyway. Maybe God ended your former relationship to prevent a very painful breakup later on down the road.

Love is a choice. Love the one you’re with.

The Evil One is simply playing mind games with you. One way you can step on the snake is to say, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I love you, save souls. Amen” (theoretically prevents a soul from going to Hell) or “Eternal Father, I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the masses said throughout the world today for all the holy souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the Universal Church, for those in my own home, and in my family. Amen.” (frees 1000 souls from Purgatory each time it is said). If you make prayer the fruit of the Evil One’s assaults upon you, I would predict that the Evil One will be dissuaded from toying with you in this matter.

Eventually, with persistence and practice, firm conviction and prayer, the thoughts of this other woman will eventually fade away.

God Bless!
 
Prayer and fasting is the only way out of your lust. Immediately say a prayer when you even start to have those thoughts. If you and your wife don’t pray together daily, start now. We will keep you in our prayers too. No need to ever dwell on someone from the past, you have a beautiful, loving, grace filled Sacred Marriage, keep it that way. Ask the Holy Family for their intercession.
 
40.png
joeseph01:
I guess once in a while it is lust. Othertimes, I really just miss the relationship. I was so attracted to her physically, emotionally and even on a spiritual level. She was the girl I saw marrying. Please dont take it the wrong way. Usually, I feel over that but sometimes I regret the way things worked out, dwelling on changes I couldve made and wondering still why a relationship that felt so holy and right didn’t work out… I know the answer is tat I know my wife now and how great she is. But yet in the back of my head, I still sometimes dwell on the past and miss it.
Click to expand...
Your relationship with your wife is real. This has two consequences. The first is that it is imperfect: you will make mistakes and she will make mistakes. At such times, dreaming of something ‘better’ is quite a natural response. An unreal relationship can always be imagined to be better than a real one, hence the popularity of unrequited love. The second consequence is that it is vulnerable: it can be harmed by the choices of either party.

While I am not saying that you should attempt to quash this daydreaming, I am saying that you should acknowledge it to yourself as such, bracket it into the real of mere fantasy, and move on with your actual marriage.
 
dwelling on this girl may be unfaithfulness to the wife. those temptations and …devils. Guard your heart and mind. pray for the girl and ask for blesssing on your wife. Remember your wife wanted you maybe the gal went as she just didnt want you as her husband. sometimer I learn and understand and see things differently when i reflect on the past… go to cinfession anyway.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top