My "Catholic" Mother

[StratusRose]

My mother was baptized and raised a Catholic. When she married my father back in the 70s, she switched to Methodism, which is what I was raised as. (I converted this past April.) She and my father are divorced and she remarried a Catholic. They were not married in the church, though his first marriage was annulled. She attends Mass every once in a while with her husband and me. When my mom attends Mass she receives Communion. She feels that because she was raised and baptised in the Church and received her first Holy Communion in the Church that she is entitled to. This bothers me because I know that she is not supposed to for many reasons. She even sees Protestant Communion and Catholic Communion as the same. I don’t know how to tell her not to receive, because I don’t see it as my place to. But, then again, I want to protect the dignity of the Eucharist. How should I go about telling her in a polite, respectful way that she is not in a position to receive?

 

[Chris_W]

That’s a tough one.

Perhaps you could explain that when a person receives communion (at any church really) they a professing a belief that is in union with that church. So for her to receive communion in a Catholic mass, really she is professing that she believes what the Church believes. So the question I would pose is this: Do you believe what the Catholic Church teaches, in particular about the Eucharist? Do you believe it is no longer bread and wine, but truely the Body and Blood of Christ, merely with the appearance of bread and wine…because when you receive communion at a Catholic mass, that is what you are saying.

Perhaps she will say yes, but that would open the door for the discussion of whether or not she thinks the same of non-Catholic communion. If she says it is all the same, then there are two options:

1. Either non-Catholic communion* is also * the Body and Blood of Jesus (which conflicts with the beliefs of non-Catholics)

or

1. the Catholic communion *is not * the Body and Blood of Jesus, which conflicts with Catholic belief.

Either way, she is giving the wrong impression (that she believes what both churches believe). The point to stress is, does she realize that by partaking of communion, she is professing unity of belief with that church? This may (hopefully) cause her to decide she does not want to be ‘in communion’ with both churches.

Best of luck,
Chris W

 

[legeorge]

Wow, this is a tough one and I better leave it to someone smarter than me to answer it. I would probably not say much. Sounds like she isn’t open to the Truth anyway. Maybe getting her to accept the Church more over time, and get her going to confession? I think if you try to confront her about this, she will probably just get defensive and do what she wants anyway, only now she will be all mad at you. Maybe you should gently leave some literature about the Eucharist lying around where she is bound to see it. I have no clue, and no good advice on this one. Sorry

 

[Tom]

I’d ask the parish to address the reception of the Eucharist and the need for confession during one of their homilies. It fits in with many Scriptural readings. Perhaps she will be listening?

 

[SavedByHim]

i guess this would be my reply, though i’m no apologist, so someone please correct me if i’m wrong:

since they were not married in the church, the church does not view them as married but as two single people “shacking up” together, living in sin. to then receive communion without confessing one’s sins is a bigger sin.

so, i guess if it were me and my mom, i would approach the subject from the standpoint that i am concerned about the salvation of her soul. and then go on to explain why it’s wrong. that way, it comes from a loving point of view rather than “attacking” her for doing something. it’s kind of a back door way into the conversation, but i’m just trying to think of a way in which it would be more openly received.

again, i’m no apologist, so if i have things wrong, i apologize and someone please correct me.

God Bless!

 

[mkw]

I faced this exact problem with my mother. I politely and in a nicest way possible explained to her why she could not receive. I told her that she still could go up to Father and receive a blessing, but she got so mad and hurt, (mostly mad) that now she just stays home. Of course, its MY fault

In my case, I explained the church’s reasoning behind not being able to receive, (in her case, no confession in over 40 years with many known-very serious grave sins on her soul), God knows in my heart that I have tried to explain things, now I just leave it up to God. what else can I do?!

Just wondering, have you talked to your pastor about this? Maybe he could quietly talk to your mother and help her understand church teachings concerning this.

 

[_pro-life_teen]

I have the exact same problem, except with a girl at my school. She is Protestant, but active in liturgy at my school (singing with the choir and doing the readings occasionally -is that even allowed??). She knows the Mass better than most Catholic girls at my school.
Anyway, she receives the Eucharist. I know she’s not supposed to, but how can I say it in a way that won’t make her defensive?? Then I think, well who are you to say anything, I mean, really *no one * is really worthy to receive the Body of Christ, even after Confession. But then I think its my responsibility to say something.

Any advice?

 

[Mamamull]

Teen,

Let the girl sing. I can’t speak about the propriety of the readings, but I know that being part of the music ministry led me to become a Catholic twenty years ago.

I know it is ancient history but maybe it is still valid.

I did know better than to receive Holy Eucharist, though. She is probably not meaning to be rude, but feels drawn to Christ. It would take some careful and lovingly based thoughts to inform her.

Pray to the Holy Spirit to enlighten all involved. He can do great things.

 

[jennstall]

mkw:

In my case, I explained the church’s reasoning behind not being able to receive, (in her case, no confession in over 40 years with many known-very serious grave sins on her soul), God knows in my heart that I have tried to explain things, now I just leave it up to God. what else can I do?!

I doubt you can speak with authority on the state of your mother’s soul.

 

[La_Chiara]

*pro-life_teen*:

I have the exact same problem, except with a girl at my school. She is Protestant, but active in liturgy at my school (singing with the choir and doing the readings occasionally -is that even allowed??). She knows the Mass better than most Catholic girls at my school.
Anyway, she receives the Eucharist. I know she’s not supposed to, but how can I say it in a way that won’t make her defensive?? Then I think, well who are you to say anything, I mean, really *no one * is really worthy to receive the Body of Christ, even after Confession. But then I think its my responsibility to say something.

Any advice?

You should talk to someone at your school–a nun, the principal, the priest and point this out. Somebody in authority needs to speak with her and tell her why this is not proper.

 

[otm]

“Telling” her probably isn’t going to go very far, unless you consider a really good family fight as going very far.

Curiosity may be the best approach. But if you are going to use it, you need to stick with it; that is, you say (“tell”) very little; but ask a lot. You ask a question; she answers; you ask her to tell you more. Who, what, why, how, when, where quesitons. Absolutley no questions which would be answered with a “yes” or a “no”. They are called leading questions for a reason. She is an adult; she doesn’t need to be lead.

And you need to be respectful; tone of voice is a killer, especially around sensitive subjects.

 

[rayne89]

I also have the same problem with both my parents. My mom a cradle catholic, my dad a convert when they got married. I know my mom & dad have not been to confession in at least 40 years. My mom goes to Mass once or twice a month, my dad on holidays. I give “hints” here and there that this is not proper but I know my mom would explode if I tried to tell her out right she is not allowed to recieve. When my husband & I has our marriage convalidated ( we were originlly married outside the church when were 19) I talked with the priest and we agreed he would only give communion to my husnand & I (it was not a Mass) because of the fact that many non catholics would be there. This alone made my mom mad. With my dad we kind of have to drag him to church anyway and he probably wouldn’t go at all than. I do feel guilt because of the disrespect to Gods body and blood and because this is not good for my parents souls.

 

[StSteverino]

I left the Church, worshipped as a Methodist.

When I left the Church, I did not take Catholic Communion, except at my fathers funeral, which I believe was the beginning of my return.

Because I am in an irregular marriage, I do not ordinarily receive Holy Communion. Surprisingly, most priests actively encourage me to recieve frequently, but suggest I do so at parishes where I am not known or in crowded Mass to avoid scandal.

I take Holy Communion seriously. I am conscientiously seeking to amend my condition and I have placed myself in a Catch 22.

So I practice spiritual communion, I come forward for a ‘blessing’, which identifys me as a public penitent and practice weekly Adoration and frequent visits to the Blessed Sacrament.

I know the Holy Father recommends in Apostolis Consortium that I not recieve communion at all and not have relations in my marriage.

I want to obey the Holy Father but it is not simple and it there are a number of moral facts to consider. In the end, even the Holy Father says recieving communion is a matter of conscience and I am earnestly trying to inform my conscience. I have been conflicted.

As it stands now, I have decided, with the counsel of a priest, to recieve the sacrament of penance, always identifying my irregular condition. I will recieve Holy Eucharist on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Christmas and Easter.I will do so at Spanish Mass, to avoid scandal.

I will continue to work to correct my condition. I approach the Eucharist with fear and trembling, knowing that I may be commiting sacrilege, but after great soul searching and examining Church teaching, I think I am right. God have mercy on me if I am wrong, but it is only because I can not live without Christ.

I am confident Christ does not want me to leave my family.
If my wife is not led to be more compassionate, and I think from the counseling we will eventually get there, she and I will have to live apart. I do not want to consider that now.

All of this should be a cautionary tale. I urge you to pray for your mom, but remember it is her responsiblity to care for her soul. If she is open, explain to her in charity why it hurts you. If not, just lift her up in prayer.

The Holy Father has given public communion to pro abortion Italian Politicians. The Church teaches the Truth, but it is our responsiblity to live it out. ’

I certainly can’t judge anyone. Some would say I am not even back in the Church yet, that my confessions are invalid and my recieving at all a sacrilege.

They may be right. I will continue to pray and try to amend my life.

What I won’t do is become a communion cop to Family members who I suspect are wrong in recieving Eucharist impurely.

God have mercy on them and me.

Kyrie Eleison,

Steve