My exwife won't let me take our kids to church

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Bobby27

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She was never a good catholic but neither was I back then. But we got married in church, baptized our kids and promised to raise them Catholic but we never really did.
I went through a bad time and made bad choices and she divorced me. She never tried to forgive me, help me or save our marriage and that drove me down even more. She has full physical and legal custody due to some bad decisions and serious mistakes I made. I finally got unsupervised visits but only have them two weekends a month and she still has all legal say .

My girlfriend now wife decided to start going to mass and with her parents help got her life in track. She changed my life then too. She got me back in my faith. We go to mass together. We pray together and try hard to be good Catholics.
Now we’re having a baby!

But my ex won’t let them have anything to do with Catholicism. I can’t take them to mass or teach them anything about my faith because she gets to make legal decisions. I’m so sad and it’s unfair. They’re my kids too and she promised to raise them catholic! She says she doesn’t believe in God and will let them decide when they’re older. I begged and pleaded and argued but she won’t budge. Me and my wife are going to raise our baby catholic and wont neglect our own faith. I don’t know what to do. Is it worth it to tell them about our faith and risk whatever consequences? Should I just tell her pick them up before mass? I feel like I’m failing them and God by not raising them Catholic but I can’t fail my new family either.
 
These situations are so sad. I really feel for you. But honestly look at it from your wife’s perspective. I’m inclined to agree with her decision. And while you do point out you have made some bad “choices” you also still have plenty of blame you are placing on her. I’m afraid they will have to wait until they are older. And I kind of see why.

Prayers for the whole situation!
 
Bobby27 said:
I can’t take them to mass or teach them anything about my faith because she gets to make legal decisions.
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Well, maybe you can go back and have your custody and visitation re-worked in the future.

Until then, let your love and joy and good works shine before your kids. Pray before meals, the kids don’t have to pray, they can simply learn to sit there and be respectful, heck simply make the Sign of the Cross before you eat.

Kids ask “what is that?”

It is a prayer, I am thanking God for my life, my blessings and this food.
 
Bobby27 said:
I can’t take them to mass or teach them anything about my faith because she gets to make legal decisions.
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Then it is time to talk to your lawyer about the situation.

Short of that, do as she says.
 
They are 3, 5 and 7. I dont have money for a lawyer. My parents paid for a lawyer and me and my ex went to mediation because you do that before court in my state to try and work it out on your own. The lawyer said I was lucky she agreed to the visits because she could have fought it in court and probably would of won. I’m just worried about them not having God and religion. And my wife is really upset to because with the baby we want to send a good example of catholic household. We are worried about the influence they might have on the baby as he grows up. I hate seeing my wife so worked up over this.And my kids souls are at steak.
 
Your love and joy and kindness are vital. Be such a happy, joy filled home that your wife wants your kids to be there.
 
I really don’t know what the worst could happen if I took them too mass and taught them about God. That’s what my wife recomends and if it goes back to court fight it because being Catholic is their best interest. That’s what they’re supposed to care about best interest of the child and surely it’s better to have a religion and relationship with God
 
Absolutely. You can’t be any kind of influence on your kids if you can’t see them! Concerning any change in church instruction/attendance, go through legal channels.
 
What is really important in a revert/convert situation is that you must be understanding that others whom you have hurt in the past may not accept your change as readily as you think is appropriate. Talking at your ex about the importance of the Church and your desire for a Catholic home would seem to further drive her away from not only you but the faith you wish for her kids.
 
Could you take them to mass without enrolling them in any catechism classes?
 
What I would do is keep it low key. Keep lawyers out of it for now. Your kids are still very young and impressionable.

I would have a Catholic home: have a picture of Divine Mercy Jesus above your dining room table. Have a picture of St. Michael defeating the dragon in a common area, like a hallway – not in the children’s room. Say grace before meals, and maybe a brief prayer before bed – “bless mommy, daddy, grandma and grandpa, all my friends, amen.” When your baby comes, teach him or her the Our Father. before bed.

You aren’t allowed to teach them about your faith formally, but you can surely teach by example. No court would expect you to rid your home of all the signs that you’re Catholic. So you can “teach” your faith in simple ways that no one could find fault with, but your children will take to heart as they are so young.
 
Bobby27 said:
She was never a good catholic but neither was I back then. But we got married in church, baptized our kids and promised to raise them Catholic but we never really did.
I went through a bad time and made bad choices and she divorced me. She never tried to forgive me, help me or save our marriage and that drove me down even more. She has full physical and legal custody due to some bad decisions and serious mistakes I made. I finally got unsupervised visits but only have them two weekends a month and she still has all legal say .

My girlfriend now wife decided to start going to mass and with her parents help got her life in track. She changed my life then too. She got me back in my faith. We go to mass together. We pray together and try hard to be good Catholics.
Now we’re having a baby!

But my ex won’t let them have anything to do with Catholicism. I can’t take them to mass or teach them anything about my faith because she gets to make legal decisions. I’m so sad and it’s unfair. They’re my kids too and she promised to raise them catholic! She says she doesn’t believe in God and will let them decide when they’re older. I begged and pleaded and argued but she won’t budge. Me and my wife are going to raise our baby catholic and wont neglect our own faith. I don’t know what to do. Is it worth it to tell them about our faith and risk whatever consequences? Should I just tell her pick them up before mass? I feel like I’m failing them and God by not raising them Catholic but I can’t fail my new family either.
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Were you able to obtain an annulment from your first marriage? I am trying to understand your situation.
 
If you are not currently married in the Church, doing that is the very first step in living a Catholic life in front of your child
 
So this is a classic case of fix yourself before you can fix others. You need to go to the Church and see what can be done about your situation. Until then I’d refrain from receiving.
 
TheLittleLady said:
If you are not currently married in the Church, doing that is the very first step in living a Catholic life in front of your child
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He told us he was married in the Church…to someone other than the one he is living with now and having children.
 
Sounds like the OP made some decisions without the best of advice. OP, see your priest as soon as you can arrange it, and do as he says!

That’s really all you can do, for now.
 
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