My father is an alcoholic and I don't know what to do

[holyrood]

((((LoveDance4Ever))))

I feel like I’ve just read my own words, in reading your initial post. Alcoholic father in chronic pain, verbally abusive mother, criticism, finding fault. The best thing I ever did was take him at his word when he repeatedly threatened to kick me out, the summer I was 18. I packed up and left, went to my college, hit the streets until I had two jobs, and started paperwork to be declared legally independent of my parents, which allowed me to then apply for college grants on my own income, rather than theirs.

The long and short of the rest of the story is that I should have stayed away. Alcoholics do not change until they decide to, and there is simply no dealing with them, helping them, or living at peace with them.

I hope you’ll go to al-anon.

 

[holyrood]

There are also online forums. I’ll gladly send you the link to one I like. But having been there, I really believe the only answer is to GET OUT. As fast as you possibly can. I understand all of it. I, too, was on the brink of suicide several times in high school, with what I was living with. My father, too, had the same sorts of ugly comments to make to and about me.

I will add, if it gives you hope, I left at 18, and finished college with my class, graduating at 21. I did it with loans, grants, and working. It absolutely can be done. And to be honest, you may find it’s much easier to do on your own, rather than trying to do it with their financial help, but dealing with the constant emotional turmoil and abuse.

 

[LegoGE1947]

There are also online forums. I’ll gladly send you the link to one I like. But having been there, I really believe the only answer is to GET OUT. As fast as you possibly can. I understand all of it. I, too, was on the brink of suicide several times in high school, with what I was living with. My father, too, had the same sorts of ugly comments to make to and about me.

I will add, if it gives you hope, I left at 18, and finished college with my class, graduating at 21. I did it with loans, grants, and working. It absolutely can be done. And to be honest, you may find it’s much easier to do on your own, rather than trying to do it with their financial help, but dealing with the constant emotional turmoil and abuse.

If you remember The Gilmore Girls tv show, you might remember all the troubles “Rory” had with financial “help” from Grandma and Grandpa Gilmore. They were like they “owned” her.

 

[LegoGE1947]

Thanks EasterJoy. I have nothing to add with respect to the OP’s question, as you have said it better than I can, but I want to thank you for a couple of insights which are new to me:

1. “Dysfunctional” is a way of living which works for a while, but which is not sustainable.
2. • When things are very hard, it is easy to imagine that there is an easy way, the way other people get. There isn’t one. There are hard ways that work and hard ways that don’t work.*

:yup:

We were watching an episode of an EWTN program CHURCH OF THE POOR, where Fr Richard Ho Lung commented “There is no easy way to carry a cross.”

 

[StephenL]

. It just hurts so deeply.

I’ve also been experiencing extremely bad stomach pain for the past four months. My doctor cannot figure out what is wrong; although, I will be tested for stomach ulcers next week. It’s most likely all due to stress. I’ve missed so many classes this semester, and I ended up having to drop down to part tome schooling. I simply cannot take it anymore.

Please pray for me. I just do not think I can do this anymore. I want to give up. I hate getting out of bed in the morning. I am a prisoner in my own home, and I pray to God daily that He will take me to be with Him.

May God bless you all.

You know I feel a lot of your Pain! I went through the stomach pains too. They hurt all the time and you try to go to school but you just never make it. I have been there. I have often asked the Lord to give me peace. You know I talk to a Priest who helps me a lot. In His words " Your Love Tank is not full" Go talk to a Priest and a counselor. We may fight our battles of different stresses but we Don’t have to Fight ALONE! Let us go to Jesus and let us go into the Church when we feel such despair.

 

[holyrood]

If you remember The Gilmore Girls tv show, you might remember all the troubles “Rory” had with financial “help” from Grandma and Grandpa Gilmore. They were like they “owned” her.

I never watched the show more than once or twice, but I did finally see that in my own life, that it wasn’t generosity, it was puppet strings. It’s mentioned in the recent letter my dad just sent me how much they’ve done for me financially (at the same costs OP is talking about) and how they’ve given my kids ‘low interest loans’ to buy cars. (I.e, yeah, dad, you’re making money off my kids and telling them to be thankful! I won’t even get into the fiasco that’s caused for my son, being more afraid of not paying his grandfather’s loan back than of not paying other bills.)

But yes, a good thing to remember, OP, the more financial help they give, the more they feel they own you. I found myself thinking I couldn’t take care of myself, and later, in my late 30s, had to go through that breaking away process again, and realized once again, I’m quite capable of taking care of myself. The first time I paid a plumber and realized you CAN get your plumbing fixed without yourself or the kids being sworn and yelled at, it was heaven, and I was MORE than happy to have paid $300 for a job my dad would have done for free.