My friend has left the Catholic faith. What do I do?

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Hey everyone. I’ll give some background information on this. My friend and I met four years ago at our Parish youth group when we were freshmen. During the 2 years he attended youth group, he had a major conversion in his life and he accepted Jesus as his Saviour. However, in the last 6 months of him attending youth group he began to decline slightly in the faith. He never came back after because of family issues. Some background in his family: He grew up in a Catholic family however, it was very unstable and drama began to happen before he was born. When he was very young his parents divorced and his mother married a Muslim man and had a Muslim child. They divorced later on. Over time my friend began to hate his biological father and later his former step father. Soon after he joined youth group for his Confirmation classes he began to love Catholicism. He never completed his classes in the end and left because of family issues.
A year after he left, I invited him to youth group again, but he told me that he’s not Catholic anymore. He states, “I just found something that makes me feel better. Instead of worrying about faith and religion, I’m taking a step away from that to only see the good in people and myself. I cannot come to myself to believe or to put my faith into the things we are told and practice in church. So, I’ve had a change in faith. It’s a big thing, yes, and a lot of people have looked down upon me. But I walk this Earth a being of my own design, and Im moved by the common good in people.”
I then tried to explain to him that Catholicism is the true faith and remind him of his experiences in youth group, I never got a reply back from that message. I feel as if the spirit of the world has gotten to him and that he starts to value what the world offers rather than what Christ offers. He lives in an environment where God and Catholicism is not spoken of. His entire family is not practicing Catholicism anymore and he doesn’t have Catholic friends, except for me and 2 other people, but he doesn’t communicate with us that much since he left youth group. I feel like the only thing I can do is pray for his conversion and that God will touch his life. It brings great sorrow to me that he has left the faith and I am willing to do anything to bring him back. Please pray for him, what do I do?
 
You wish him well, and tell him he has a standing invitation to come back to the Church.

I’ve never been an advocate of trying to keep young adults, who don’t want to be there, in the Church. They have to be allowed to leave without guilt. Look at the parable of the prodigal son; the father gives him his inheritance before he leaves, and is welcomed back after he is overcome by the world.
 
What to be:

Shinging example of supportive glorified awesomeness full of Joy and greatness.

What not to be:

Nagging, sad, doom and gloom busybody.

Be awesome, lead by example. And be a friend.
 
Just leave him. Continuing to send him messages that he is not interested in receiving will only push him further away from you and from Catholicism.

If he wants to discuss it, let him. But don’t keep bringing it up, it isn’t your job to revert him. Have respect for his opinions, be his friend and lead by example.

Lou
 
JCats1 said:
Hey everyone. I’ll give some background information on this. My friend and I met four years ago at our Parish youth group when we were freshmen. During the 2 years he attended youth group, he had a major conversion in his life and he accepted Jesus as his Saviour. However, in the last 6 months of him attending youth group he began to decline slightly in the faith. He never came back after because of family issues. Some background in his family: He grew up in a Catholic family however, it was very unstable and drama began to happen before he was born. When he was very young his parents divorced and his mother married a Muslim man and had a Muslim child. They divorced later on. Over time my friend began to hate his biological father and later his former step father. Soon after he joined youth group for his Confirmation classes he began to love Catholicism. He never completed his classes in the end and left because of family issues.
A year after he left, I invited him to youth group again, but he told me that he’s not Catholic anymore. He states, “I just found something that makes me feel better. Instead of worrying about faith and religion, I’m taking a step away from that to only see the good in people and myself. I cannot come to myself to believe or to put my faith into the things we are told and practice in church. So, I’ve had a change in faith. It’s a big thing, yes, and a lot of people have looked down upon me. But I walk this Earth a being of my own design, and Im moved by the common good in people.”
I then tried to explain to him that Catholicism is the true faith and remind him of his experiences in youth group, I never got a reply back from that message. I feel as if the spirit of the world has gotten to him and that he starts to value what the world offers rather than what Christ offers. He lives in an environment where God and Catholicism is not spoken of. His entire family is not practicing Catholicism anymore and he doesn’t have Catholic friends, except for me and 2 other people, but he doesn’t communicate with us that much since he left youth group. I feel like the only thing I can do is pray for his conversion and that God will touch his life. It brings great sorrow to me that he has left the faith and I am willing to do anything to bring him back. Please pray for him, what do I do?
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You talk to him, ask him why he felt the need to leave, and explain to him why you think he is making a mistake. Contrary to what some folks say, your job IS, as a Catholic, to defend the faith (1 Peter 3:15). I’m actually very bothered by the people (especially Catholics) that say Catholics shouldn’t do anything in this situation. If he does not listen, be his friend, but pray for him. Be charitable and kind though, but stand your ground.
 
Pray to the Holy Spirit to give your friend guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom back to the Catholic church.
 
Leave him alone,each reason is as unique as the person. We are burdened with the charge of our own soul and salvation - you have time to spare?
 
adamhovey1988 said:
You talk to him, ask him why he felt the need to leave, and explain to him why you think he is making a mistake. Contrary to what some folks say, your job IS, as a Catholic, to defend the faith (1 Peter 3:15). I’m actually very bothered by the people (especially Catholics) that say Catholics shouldn’t do anything in this situation. If he does not listen, be his friend, but pray for him. Be charitable and kind though, but stand your ground.
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It appears that the OP has already done this and the friend is not interested in listening. This is why I recommend the OP does not carry on - more flies are caught with honey than vinegar. There is no point explaining why the OP feels his friend has made a mistake because the OP has already done so. The friend does not seem interested, so now I think the OP should lead by example. Actions speak a thousand words.

Personally, I have been on these boards since 2014. I have seen it written a hundred times that “Catholicism is the one true faith” and not once has that come close to me witnessing a woman in Italy making the sign of the cross in a Church just once. I still remember her devotion now and it made me consider my position as an Agnostic. Truly, explanations will go nowhere.

Lou
 
We need to pray for him and for those, most of them unwillingly, who are making Christianity and Catholics look bad.

In my confesions, everytime I ask the priest about whether or not I made a mortal sin and that I read or heard that on a forum, he tells me that by saying that I make God look like a villain waiting for me to sin. Many faithful are making people afraid.
 
JCats1 said:
Hey everyone. I’ll give some background information on this. My friend and I met four years ago at our Parish youth group when we were freshmen. During the 2 years he attended youth group, he had a major conversion in his life and he accepted Jesus as his Saviour. However, in the last 6 months of him attending youth group he began to decline slightly in the faith. He never came back after because of family issues. Some background in his family: He grew up in a Catholic family however, it was very unstable and drama began to happen before he was born. When he was very young his parents divorced and his mother married a Muslim man and had a Muslim child. They divorced later on. Over time my friend began to hate his biological father and later his former step father. Soon after he joined youth group for his Confirmation classes he began to love Catholicism. He never completed his classes in the end and left because of family issues.
A year after he left, I invited him to youth group again, but he told me that he’s not Catholic anymore. He states, “I just found something that makes me feel better. Instead of worrying about faith and religion, I’m taking a step away from that to only see the good in people and myself. I cannot come to myself to believe or to put my faith into the things we are told and practice in church. So, I’ve had a change in faith. It’s a big thing, yes, and a lot of people have looked down upon me. But I walk this Earth a being of my own design, and Im moved by the common good in people.”
I then tried to explain to him that Catholicism is the true faith and remind him of his experiences in youth group, I never got a reply back from that message. I feel as if the spirit of the world has gotten to him and that he starts to value what the world offers rather than what Christ offers. He lives in an environment where God and Catholicism is not spoken of. His entire family is not practicing Catholicism anymore and he doesn’t have Catholic friends, except for me and 2 other people, but he doesn’t communicate with us that much since he left youth group. I feel like the only thing I can do is pray for his conversion and that God will touch his life. It brings great sorrow to me that he has left the faith and I am willing to do anything to bring him back. Please pray for him, what do I do?
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I hate saying this but people will do whatever they want. You are going to have to accept it. I had a friend leave the faith. Sure it bothered me but her life and circumstances are completely different than my own. If I were in her shoes maybe I would have left the faith as well. Pray for him. Have hope but no expectations.
 
I will not be nagging him. That will only push him away. But is it right that I just leave it and let his soul be in mortal danger? Am I sinning by letting him be in sin? Obviously he chose to leave, but I feel that he doesn’t truly understand the gravity of what he is doing. I thought as Catholics we’re supposed to look out for each other and if someone is erring in faith we have to help out. At least, that was my understanding. Obviously I will pray for him. I have heard of countless miracles of people turning back to the faith after years of leaving it.
 
JCats1 said:
I will not be nagging him. That will only push him away. But is it right that I just leave it and let his soul be in mortal danger? Am I sinning by letting him be in sin? Obviously he chose to leave, but I feel that he doesn’t truly understand the gravity of what he is doing. I thought as Catholics we’re supposed to look out for each other and if someone is erring in faith we have to help out. At least, that was my understanding. Obviously I will pray for him. I have heard of countless miracles of people turning back to the faith after years of leaving it.
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You have tried your best. I don’t think the other posters are telling you to to forget about the issue, what they are saying is don’t keep talking about the issue constantly. You can show your concern in other ways by prayiing for your friend. It is God who will pierce his heart not you.
What you should not do, as others have said is talk about it constantly. If you do, you will find that your friend will start pulling away from you. You cannot be much of an influence on a friend who is avoiding you.
You can still talk about issues of faith with your friend but just not ALL the time. Do you have other things in common? Talk about this sometimes and be waiting if and when he is ready to come back to the church.
 
If you ever have the opportunity to invite him to something special, do so (like a trip to a shrine, special speaker, Christmas Midnight Mass at the Cathedral, or even a social event)

Otherwise, try to maintain the friendship by focusing on your other common interests.

And always pray for him and let me know you will pray for him.

God Bless
 
JCats1 said:
A year after he left, I invited him to youth group again, but he told me that he’s not Catholic anymore. He states, “I just found something that makes me feel better. Instead of worrying about faith and religion, I’m taking a step away from that to only see the good in people and myself. I cannot come to myself to believe or to put my faith into the things we are told and practice in church. So, I’ve had a change in faith. It’s a big thing, yes, and a lot of people have looked down upon me. But I walk this Earth a being of my own design, and I’m moved by the common good in people.”
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It would be natural to ask him what he found. To not ask is to give the impression that you don’t care. Maybe what he found is compatible with Catholicism. He sees it as an alternative to Catholicism, but perhaps his opinion will change.
JCats1 said:
he doesn’t have Catholic friends, except for me and 2 other people, but he doesn’t communicate with us that much since he left youth group.
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You can talk with those two other people, and try to find out what interests your friend has other than Catholicism, because right now it doesn’t seem to be an interest for your friend.

Catholicism is vast, so I imagine that it is possible to be friends with somebody and have no common interest other than Catholicism. However, if your friend declares that he is no longer Catholic, then the house that is the venue for your friendship is resting on sand rather than on a rock. It would make more sense to knock on a stranger’s door as Jehovah’s Witnesses do, than to knock on your friend’s door to talk about the Catholic faith.

If your friendship had been a quadruped, then the loss of one leg would make it a tripod, which is stable enough for a camera. However, if your friendship is based on the one leg of Catholicism, then it has no leg to stand on, because your friend claims to no longer be a Catholic.

This is almost a logic puzzle, rather than a problem in human relationships. It’s as though you need your key to open a door, but you locked your key inside. What do you do? Find another key, or give up. Breaking in isn’t an option.
 
I thought about this topic since my last post.

The sentence
I just found something that makes me feel better. Instead of worrying about faith and religion, I’m taking a step away from that to only see the good in people and myself.
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is the very definition of the Christian religion, when Jesus stood with the prostitute, he wasn’t supporting her career, he just saw the the good in her and so for the tax collector and other sinners, Christianity demands from us to see the good in other people or why Jesus asked us to love our enemies, because there is still good in them and we must get it out.

Tell your friend that this is what Christianity is all about and that he should make baby steps in his quest, and please do not expose him to sites or writings about mortal sins, it just won’t help someone in his condition, he’ll just lose hid mind and sanity even more.
 
JCats1 said:
I will not be nagging him. That will only push him away. But is it right that I just leave it and let his soul be in mortal danger? Am I sinning by letting him be in sin? Obviously he chose to leave, but I feel that he doesn’t truly understand the gravity of what he is doing. I thought as Catholics we’re supposed to look out for each other and if someone is erring in faith we have to help out. At least, that was my understanding. Obviously I will pray for him. I have heard of countless miracles of people turning back to the faith after years of leaving it.
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You aren’t responsible for bringing him back. You’ve told him you think he’s wrong and why but he isn’t interested. There is nothing to gain from telling him again. Be his friend, lead by example and don’t push him.

Lou
 
I will pray for your friend, OP.

Reading your post reminded me of the time my spiritual director told me (about a similar situation)

STOP TRYING TO DO GOD’S WORK FOR HIM http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/Pascal_S/smileys/smack.gif

Yes, we do need to defend the faith and look out for each other here on earth, but we can’t oblige anyone to believe. Faith comes from God. It is for God to grant that gift to your friend. You can’t do this in God’s place.

You have already spoken to your friend about his decision to leave the Church. Beating him over the head with your message isn’t going to bring him back. Pray for him and ask the Holy Spirit to guide him. Meanwhile, be a friend to your friend. Be a positive force and a good influence on him. If he wants to talk about religion, listen to what he has to say, respond with charity, and never be pushy. Leave the rest to the Lord.
 
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