My friends are gay and my mom is being mean

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cathycats38

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Hi! I’m 16 and have been raised in a catholic environment all my life. I’m super social and I genuinely can strike up a conversation with most people!

So I guess this begins with my parents and I (I’m an only child) at dinner last night. They brought up the topic of homosexuality and I’ve never seen them talk about it much before. I said “oh well it doesn’t really matter right? Some people are just gay I guess” and then awkwardly laughed because they were staring at me really intensely. My mom asked me what I meant and I said “you know M? he came to my birthday party. he’s gay and has a boyfriend. L is too! She’s really nice” They’ve known L (I’m covering their names) for a couple years but somehow seemed shocked? My mom just looked kinda upset before my dad got a little angry and said I shouldn’t be friends with either of them. He said I should unfollow M on everything and limit my interactions with him on social media. Then my mom said it might not be a bad idea, and then she said L is no longer allowed to come over or especially sleep over. I’m straight. I haven’t even had my first kiss yet with a boy (I did once but I didn’t want to kiss him so I don’t count it, he kinda forced himself on me). Things got heated and I ended up crying because I love my friends and them being gay won’t change anything for me. My dad said L is going through a bisexual phase and will get over it soon and. I said “maybe, maybe not. I don’t care honestly" then he got angrier and I left the dining table. I didn’t finish my meal and my mom brought it to me.

Idk what to do cuz my family never really talks about homosexuality so I figured they wouldn’t be homophobic or anything. This morning my dad sent me this super long text saying he’s not homophobic but that my friends need saving from God and that He will make sure that karma gets to them if they don’t stop practicing same-sex attraction. I’m just kinda heartbroken and wish I never told them. What do I do to convince them to let me stay friends with M and L? I’m really sad right now this sucks
 
Hello,
I’m sorry that’s happening to you, sounds like a difficult situation since you love your friends and your parents too.
The best thing you can do is pray about the situation, pray for your friends and for your parents, ask the Lord what to do and He will not lead you wrong.
Your parents want the absolute best for you, and if they tell you not to be friends with these people, then that’s because they truly believe that’s what’s good for you. I don’t know their reasons, but it seems like to me that they don’t want to expose you to negative influences, or to people who could lead you astray, which is good.
The situation may change in the coming days or weeks, but if your parents are telling you not to interact with them, it’s best for you to listen. God tells us to honor our parents, it is our duty to do so, so we must take care to listen to them and obey (as long as they’re not going against God).
God bless you
 
This is a very complicated issue. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but

‘being saved from God?’ More like being saved by God. We are not to participate in homosexual behavior…the Bible and the church are quite clear on these subjects. But, in even stronger words, we are told that God loves everyone, wants them to be saved, and wants us to love each other. Love trumps all other rules and commandments!

And, what is this about ‘karma’? It’s a Hindu, not a Christian concept. True, there is some truth in all religions, but using such concepts seldom comes to any good.

A third thing you mentioned, not directly connected here, is the fact that a Young man forcibly kissed you. Did your parents know of this? If so, possibly they’re afraid you are too easily led in romantic/sexual matters. Try to think this out.

Hope this will be worked out easily. Although, it is a difficult subject to deal with. Wishing you well, God Bless!
 
You made the mistake of sharing your friends’ personal lives with your parents.
Your parents justifiably decided your friends are a bad influence on you and told you to end the friendships.
For now, you need to obey your parents and not be close friends with these other people. You can be friendly if you happen to run into them in public, but your parents have made it clear they aren’t welcome in your home, nor do they want you going over to the friends’ homes.

When you become an adult, you can be friends with whoever you want.

Your parents are also concerned because you referred to being gay as something that “doesn’t really matter”. In Catholicism, it matters a lot because homosexual acts are a grave sin. Your parents are likely bothered that you didn’t seem to “get” this and they are probably concerned that you were influenced by your friends to think it is perfectly okay.
 
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Listen to your parents and find different friends that don’t view sin as something to be celebrated.
 
Hi Cathycats
You sound like such a lovely, non-judgemental, kind person x. Your parents have obviously raised you well. It sounds to me like this issue has raised it’s head rather too suddenly and your parents might be feeling a little panicked about how to deal with it and advise you. Let things settle because I promise you, they only have your best interests at heart. Once the mood has calmed in a week or so see if they will sit down with you for a frank discussion but be open to their views and motives rather then just wanting to express you own. Hopefully you will be able to reassure them that you do not have feelings in that direction and will not be led astray, which is their fear. The one thing to remember is that God loves us all equally, even sinners, and only he should judge us.
Best wishes x
 
I suggest that you to study Catholic views on marriage, vocation and design for both sexes, sexuality and procreation. All is linked.

You seems evolve in a catholic culture, but seing these issues as someone of the world and not like a Catholic. You need now to study to appropriate yourself this culture.

You will find quickly that it is not true that “being gay does not matter” is not right. And to said it has nothing to do with being homophobic or not.
 
It’s too bad you don’t see being active in the gay lifestyle as a big deal. If they are your friends you should care about their souls.
 
cathycats38 said:
I said “maybe, maybe not. I don’t care honestly"
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You should care. If you care about them then their homosexual acts should bother you because that is grave evil and a mortal sin that will send them to hell.

You can be friends with them and treat them with dignity and respect, which you should. You should also speak your Catholic truth because you love them and care about their souls. Most likely, your friends are in an identity crisis. Before this disorder manifests itself more and more, you should be speaking and bring God’s divine truth to these people.

Remember, Jesus shed His blood for all souls. We should not be ok with souls being lost to Satan. We should speak truth and be instruments to save these souls that God died for.

I know you are young and this may be a bit deep. I do not know where you are in your faith. However, this is what we are called to as Catholics. So be a friend and care about them, but be mindful of how you are caring for their souls.
 
If your father seriously believes in “karma” then that is wrong, foreign to Catholic doctrine, and an error he should not be sharing with his family. Perhaps it seems that your parents have been remiss in forming you with sound Catholic teaching, particularly a frank discussion of sexuality, which should have come up long, long before you entered puberty and acquired homosexual friends.
 
Are you a Catholic?

Do you know and understand what the Church teaches about same sex attraction and people who experience it?

Do you know that “karma” is not a Catholic teaching?
 
Maybe they were concerned about how flippant you were “I don’t care/it doesn’t matter”.

I’ll bet if you told them how your friends were planning to have premarital sex and you just laughed it off like it doesn’t matter, they’d have been upset about that.
 
To all the people telling the OP to “be less open about their friend’s sexuality” that is just wrong and terrible advice. Catholic parents have the right and the duty to form their kids in the faith, and the fact is that hanging out with people who view sin as something to be proud of is not something any Catholic parent should be happy about. I have to say, I think the OP’s father could be right about going through a phase, some teens do go through a phase and then realise that they’re not, in fact, gay.

It is not homophobic to want to protect your kids from a sinful lifestyle and people who might lead them to think that that same lifestyle is ok. While these parents may not have expressed their reasons or Catholic teaching very well, they are the parents and the OP has a duty to obey them at this point in her life.
 
AdamP88 said:
To all the people telling the OP to “be less open about their friend’s sexuality” that is just wrong and terrible advice. Catholic parents have the right and the duty to form their kids in the faith
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While Catholic parents do have that right, the OP is 16. At that age, most of us did start getting the drift that a “parent filter” might be a good idea, especially when discussing stuff our friends thought or did that we ourselves weren’t partaking in. If she were 13, I would be more inclined to agree with you.

The OP did not give any indication that she was herself gay or thinking of becoming gay, nor does she sound like she is involved in a lot of gay activities with friends. The friends in question aren’t part of her family, and they aren’t breaking the law or in danger of suicide or any such emergency. The question of Catholic beliefs about homosexuality could have been discussed without bringing up friends.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
The question of Catholic beliefs about homosexuality could have been discussed without bringing up friends.
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There was no real reason to not mention the friends. Are you saying that just because she’s 16, she should start being less open with parents about friends?
 
I’m saying it’s normal by that age to start learning and using prudential judgment about what you do and don’t tell your folks. At 18, you are a legal adult; no one goes from all of a sudden telling Mom everything right up to age 17 and 364 days, to using the adult “filter” when you hit 18 and are entitled as an adult to have a personal life. For most people, there is a learning curve where you develop your private life and your own thoughts, and it starts about mid-teens in today’s society. Regardless of whether or not you (or parents) like this or approve of it, older teens will start to keep more things to themselves.

Also, when having a moral discussion and Mom and Dad say, “This behavior is wrong,” a 16-year-old should know that saying, “But my friends A and B do it!” is a loser of an argument. All that will happen is what happened here: “Then you need to stop being friends with A and B.”

Besides, what A and B do should not be relevant to one’s personal morals. You’re going to meet a lot of sinful A’s and B’s in life and your parent is not going to be there forcing you to stop seeing them.
 
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Perhaps instead, as a minor child, she should not have so much that she necessarily feels that she should be hiding from her parents.
 
Normally, I’m not in the camp of “if you are a minor, you must do every single thing your parents tell you regardless of how unreasonable it is.” But, what your parents are most likely concerned about is, not so much that they are gay, but are actively living the gay lifestyle and you are convinced it is no big deal. So, it’s not unreasonable for them to conclude that they might be bad influences, though, they could have been more eloquent about it (as the others said, karma isn’t a thing in Catholicism).
 
Personally, I’m more concerned about the OP because of the ‘forced kiss’ incident, than anything she said about her gay friends. She should be learning about signs of possible sexual violence in male friends, and her parents should be helping her with this,…

OP, please don’t tolerate violence from anyone. Work things out with your parents and friends. Hoping the best for you. God Bless!!!
 
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