My friend's sister is cohabitating with her fiancee

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hamburglar

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I have a friend, and her sister is living with her fiancee right now. They are both juniors in college, and will be getting married the summer after graduation.

Now, the fiancee, who we will call “Joseph” is being received into the Church tomorrow, and my friend’s sister, who we will call “Catherine” is being confirmed on April 29.

I don’t know if they have fornicated or not, but they are living together. It is hard for me to see them in a near occasion of sin like this. I am very pleased that he has decided to become Catholic, and also very excited about my friend and her sister being confirmed. So I am only concerned about their well-being.

Should I do anything? I am thanking God for their choices in regards to the Church, and I am praying that everything goes well. Thank You!
 
Maybe they don’t fully understand the teachings of the church. I don’t see any harm with you voicing your concerns directly to them since they are going to be confirmed and you are already Catholic.
 
Catherine and Joseph have family, sponsors, catechists, and their priest to advise them. Unless you are closer to the couple than the people I just listed, the best thing you can do is pay attention to the Catechism which tells us to interpret insofar as possible someone’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way (CCC 2478).
 
hamburglar said:
II don’t know if they have fornicated or not, but they are living together. It is hard for me to see them in a near occasion of sin like this. I
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no, we don’t know, so in Christian charity we are obliged to put the kindest most generous possible construction on their situation. anything else would border on the sin of detraction. If this is not you child or someone for whose spiritual welfare you are responsible, back off.
 
Cohabitation is a mortal sin. It was made reference to by Benedict just a few days ago in fact.

I have never heard of a couple who lives together but have not had sex.
 
CapIV said:
Cohabitation is a mortal sin. It was made reference to by Benedict just a few days ago in fact.

I have never heard of a couple who lives together but have not had sex.
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Hehe, you must live in a very restricted world if you’ve never heard of any couple living together without sex. Do they all tell you about it?

It’s nobody’s business. As someone said, they have plenty of people who are closely associated with them at this time.

To get involved would probably ruin a lot of friendships.

Priests apparently need tons of help from the laity these days, since apparently they aren’t trained properly enough to handle these matters without imput from outside.
 
SpiritMeadow said:
Hehe, you must live in a very restricted world if you’ve never heard of any couple living together without sex. Do they all tell you about it?

It’s nobody’s business. As someone said, they have plenty of people who are closely associated with them at this time.

To get involved would probably ruin a lot of friendships.

Priests apparently need tons of help from the laity these days, since apparently they aren’t trained properly enough to handle these matters without imput from outside.
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The priest marrying them thinks masturbation is not a sin (he promotes that idea), changes the liturgy (such as the Eucharistic Prayer), etc.

I agree with you when you say “To get involved would probably ruin a lot of friendships.” That is why I am hesitant to say anything.
 
hamburglar said:
The priest marrying them thinks masturbation is not a sin (he promotes that idea), changes the liturgy (such as the Eucharistic Prayer), etc.

I agree with you when you say “To get involved would probably ruin a lot of friendships.” That is why I am hesitant to say anything.
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Are you sure he promotes it? I have a hard time seeing a priest say hey, go ahead - it’s good for you! I mean, he may see it as a lesser evil to having actual sex - but that’s off the topic. As it was said above, they still have their family, sponsors, and catechists - not only the priest, and even if the priest does in some way shape or form “promote” masturbation, that doesn’t mean he promotes intercourse outside of marriage - you can’t say because someone believes A they believe B is okay too.

I really hope this doesn’t sound rude as I don’t intend it to be, but this is between them and their priest, family, sponsort and catechists, not a friend of a sister of one of them - you see what I mean?
 
CapIV said:
Cohabitation is a mortal sin. It was made reference to by Benedict just a few days ago in fact.

I have never heard of a couple who lives together but have not had sex.
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If they share a room probably, if they share a flat but have different bedrooms no in my opinion.
 
Has the Priest in question told you this? If not, I’d advise against listening to second hand information.

About your friends, pray for them. Be the face of Jesus love to them.
 
While your intent is admirable, I have to go with saying nothing. Yes, odds are they are not living chastely, but you don’t know for certain.

If it were your sister, it’d be a different story entirely.

Better to pray for them for a happy, loving successful marriage. 🙂
 
hamburglar…

Unlike everyone else on this thread I think its your Christian duty as their brother in Christ and as neighbour to make known to them the teaching of Jesus in this area.

I have a friend who lived (and fornicates) with her boyfriend before and after she was received into the Church. I thought the priest would take care of it and I told him to do so in confession. He did not … and I dont know what happend but I know no one who should tell her actually did, so she was received into the Catholic Church… now she never comes to Mass anymore… maybe because I once at a later time let it slip that fornication is a death sin according to the Church while I was however keeping it as a gernerel topic …
It IS our resposibility to tell people… and there are many ways to do this.

First we gotta all understand that we will not change people’s behaviour unless we first help change their hearts. No one can convert but the Holy Spirit converts, brings to repentance and makes people clean up their act through inner transformation… That is: make them know Christ and they will change their behaviour…

About another person. I told this young woman -who lived in fornication and who anticipated moving in with her boyfriend allthough planning a ministry in the church - in a letter about her beauty as a woman and her high vocation to love and be a role model in the church and family. and that she therefore must stop this for her own sake and for Jesus’. I told it with love.
I lost that friendship … she does not talk to me the same way anymore but I dont regret that I, as the only person, dared tell her the truth… Jesus bothered me untill I did. How could I not tell and expect everyone else to do so when I even saw that the priests in my own church did not do their job … they still do not wanna disturb people and make them uncomfortable… but they are so wrong…

So I will only say: Jesus said: Who was the neighbour of that man who was attacted on the road? the priest passed by… the levite too… the samaritan behaved like a brother… Then do so too.

Yours with peace
Grace <><
 
I am friend’s with my friend’s sister as well, just not as good. I have decided that it may be best at this time to not mention anything. I definitely don’t want to turn them away from the beauty of the Catholic Church.

As for the priest in question, we had a week here at my Catholic College titled “healthy and responsible sexuality week.” One of the events invited students to put questions in a box the previous week and a panel, which included the priest, would answer some of them. The priest answered the question “is masturbation a sin?”

He said “no, it is not. In fact, I think everybody should do it. It lessens the risk of prostate cancer and it is natural and healthy to do it.”

This is just one example of his heresies. I never said that he promotes fornication, but I certainly would not want a disobedient heretic to celebrate my wedding.
 
hamburglar said:
The priest marrying them thinks masturbation is not a sin (he promotes that idea), changes the liturgy (such as the Eucharistic Prayer), etc.

I agree with you when you say “To get involved would probably ruin a lot of friendships.” That is why I am hesitant to say anything.
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Yes, its a very very old refrain at CAF, “the priest is terrible, knows nothing, is not teaching proper doctrine according to me.” One really does begin to wonder why people continue to adher to a church lead by such inadequate men. All I hear here is, alert your bishop. Who ordained these folks? Oh, bishops…Apparently the Church in America just sucks. I don’t mean to jump all over you, but I truly am so tired of laity telling me how horrid the clergy in the country is. Why are you then a member? I suspect it is because you actually believe that someday CAF will be put in charge of straigtening out things and 90% of the American church can be turned away as unfit to be Catholic. The incredible arrogance simply amazes me. People toss around the appelation of heretic as if this were the MIddle Ages and the Inquisition were in town.
 
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