My girlfriend's parents don't like me

[A12345]

Hello, everyone! This is the first time I am using this site, so we’ll see how this goes haha. (this is a LONG story so buckle up). So currently, I am not catholic, but my girlfriend and her family are very religious. I am 16, so is my girlfriend (we are both in the 11th grade).

So basically, me and her have been dating for roughly 3 months, everything has been amazing, me and her are truly in love (and we still are) and I have done nothing to harm her. I was good friends with her siblings, and I have had a couple conversations with her parents. Everything was going amazing until the first day of the new year (i know, what a great way to start it haha). Basically me and her went out on a little date, and we were in my car making a youtube video for her little channel (she wanted to make a mukbang or something). Essentially what happened was that me and her got kind of close and starting kissing (nothing else mind you), and her dad suddenly shows up and starts cussing me out for, “doing inappropriate things in public.” He tells me that I can no longer talk to her and that if I do, he’ll get me arrested and that he’ll kill my whole family. According to my girlfriend, her dad isn’t very catholic and he essentially considers himself that because of her mother, who is (he converted to marry her). I love my girlfriend a lot and do not want to lose her, so this was very bad. I was also scared for my life as he said that he would kill everyone i loved dearly. Now, I talked to my parents about this and they told me they’d take legal actions if this situation escalated. They also advised me to not talk to her until she is 18, that way she is no longer under her parents control.

But here is the problem, we go to the same school. Fast forward a week, me and her start talking again (without her parents knowing). She told me about what happened and what her parents thought happened. Basically, her dad was convinced that we had sex and that she was no longer a virgin. He has also beat her and kicked her for what she “has done” with me. Now, here is some background. She has told me many times that she has never really liked her dad as he is very unreasonable and very disrespectful at times. This being said, she has an amazing relationship with her mother (who I still respect after the situations that have happened).

Now back to the story, basically her parents found out about us talking and got very mad and even texted me.

So here is my question, what do I do? I really want to see if there is a way for me to talk to her mother (since her father is very illogical and probably would beat me up according to her) and apologize for everything that I have done wrong in their eyes and ask for forgiveness and another chance. I really do love this girl and these last two weeks have been very hard on me. I’ve been very sad and have not been at peace since this situation unfolded and need some advice from this great community! Anything would help, please!

 

[humbleseeker]

You are a minor and under the guardianship of your parents. Talk to them, tell them the truth, and do what they advise. Any comments or suggestions you get here that contradicts what your parents say would be highly inappropriate.

 

[Viki63]

Discuss the situation with your parents. But you might ask them what they think about informing the police about her father’s threats, and about his beating his daughter.

 

[A12345]

What they basically told me was, don’t talk to here in public places, but if you happen to, just don’t get caught. They also told me to wait until she turns 18 to continue in our relationship. But when I told her about this, she was (at first) down to do that. But now, she is unsure on whether or not it is okay to continue in a relationship where her parents don’t accept of the partner.

 

[A12345]

She has called child protective services the day after the incident, and they haven’t done anything. We had a talk with our teacher yesterday, so hopefully that comes to something. But the problem is that she doesn’t want police or anything to get involved because she doesn’t want her family to get hurt or be torn apart

 

[A12345]

It’s just more complicated than that. She doesn’t want her family to like break up or be torn apart if the cops get involved or something. So idk if I should tell my parents. Plus, in Asian culture (I’m Indian and she’s Chinese/Taiwanese) hitting your child is seen as a way to correct them. It’s also seen as an okay thing to do. So my parents would probably not do much about it as it’s very common in Asian culture to do that. But they’d also be concerned for her and her safety.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

The culture argument doesn’t hold water in the USA. The authorities will act. However if your parents are advising you to do something that will endanger her or you. That’s also dangerous. Notify the authorities and then leave her alone.

 

[TheLittleLady]

DO speak to your school counselor, to your priest, youth minister about the abuse.

Aside from that, making out in a car is not exactly chaste behavior. Apologize to her parents, apologize to her. You two should not do anything physical that you would not do with your best friend’s wife. Physical intimacy, making out, will wait for marriage.

Perhaps if you show that you understand that what happened was inappropriate, they would agree to let you two go on double dates or group dates, go to Youth Ministry events, etc.

ETA: The Mukbang trend is going on youtube and eating an inordinate amount of food while other people watch. Honestly, this does not seem like fitting behavior for a Christian teenager, first of all this could be a form of gluttony, second the audience who wants to watch a young woman gorge herself would consist of some not too savory minds. I’d imagine her father is not approving of these either.